I think DH is upholding the glass ceiling (not DIY). WIBU?

[Pa1oma]

DH has a company which employs maybe a thousand people, of which probably about 40% are women. It’s not a traditionally male industry like construction, however, in 15 years, there has never been a female director. Whenever I’ve asked him why this is, he says he would like this to change but no women seem to apply.

Then last night I heard him in the phone to someone discussing restructuring the board of directors and his words were, “She’d be worth consideration, but she’ll probably have a baby or something soon” . When he got off the phone, I told him what I’d heard and asked him if he knew for a fact that this woman was pregnant. He said, “Well I wouldn’t know but she’s in her late 30s and I think she’s been discussing it”.

His argument is he’s not going to risk over £100k on someone if he’s not sure they’re going to see “the next phase” through. My argument is, he is not in a position to presume anything about anyone. WIBU?

Truth is, there are some people who will take the p--s whatever you do. This is not limited to pregnant females either. If you trust your employees who have a good record, then it shouldn't matter what gender they are. OP, your DH is a misogynist. He may well be missing out on the best Director he's ever had. He may now lose one of his best employees.

I do understand the concern in very small businesses. Having even one woman out on maternity leave can be devastating. As can one man on sick leave. At ANY level.

Pa1oma, why complain about your his misogyny on MNet? Why don't you get a divorce or something if you dislike his views so much. You are part of the patriarchy and a failure to the sisterhood.

No he isn’t one of those who believes family money is his money. He’s not weird about money at all. If he was, I wouldn’t be at home!

What shocked me was just that he said it so casually and this woman was just glossed over in a phone call. When I challenged him he just dismissed it and changed the subject really, but I know what I heard. There must be thousands of companies where this happens all the time, but how can you ever prove it?

mholz that is a bit harsh. She has said this has come as a shock to her. She’s only just found out so obviously she isn’t going to divorce him right this second.

However I do hope, OP, that this is causing you to re-evaluate your set-up with this man. It shouldn’t REALLY have come as such a shock to you that, given what you say about your lives, he is a bit of a sexist.

Don't let it drop. Make the dinosaur wake up to the harm he is doing to women.
Great motivational statement,but let’s get real how is she actually going to do this?
Op is sahm, dependent on his alpha male wage,and the lifestyle of prosperity.
Maybe private school,horses,hobbies. These are the financial benefits of his working
What will op say to her dinosaur?she can’t compel him to change

lipstickhandbagcoffee very true and this is exactly why women must be hyper vigilant to avoid getting themselves into this situation in the first place. Nonetheless the fault here lies entirely with him, not her. He probably put on a reasonable show of being “inclusive”, as she puts it, to get her into this vulnerable position

Op isn’t at fault,but no surprise a man who wants a sahw also doesn’t support working women
If he doesn’t support his own partner working he’s unlikely to support other women
But the tricky part is the traditional set up,reinforces and validates his odious views

If it's any consolation Pa1oma, I genuinely think that the vast majority of men have at least a small kernel of misogyny in them - it's almost impossible to grow up in our society and not have it. Many men are completely unaware of it - my own DH would never have considered himself to have any misogyny but once we started speaking in-depth about feminism he realised how many wrong-headed ideas he had and assumptions that he'd never examined. Unless a man actively examines his own beliefs he'll never realise just how much he's been infected with the idea that women are lesser.

That said, I do think high earning men with SAHWs are particularly bad for it, as the system really feeds their attitude. Does he do much around the house?

@gillybeanz

What a load of old shite!

You can't run a business with people popping off every now and again

And yet, somehow, millions of businesses do!

If you can't afford to pay maternity or paternity leave, you can't afford to employ anyone. You don't have any right to break the law and discriminate against parents because it suits your business goals to do so. If you want employees you'll have to graft a bit harder at building up the business yourself first, so that you can afford to pay for your responsibilities when the time comes. You should also have the sense to know that small businesses can reclaim SMP from the government.

The world needs people to have babies. Who else is going to pay for our pensions, and contribute taxes for the upkeep of the NHS etc?

You don't get to opt out of treating people fairly because you stand to gain from discriminating.

By his logic it is wiser perhaps to employ a man in his 50s than a woman in her 30s who might have a baby. I have many men, 40s to 60s in my family and social circle. In the past year among them we've had one death, one stroke and long term sick two heart attacks, a back injury and one signed off for stress.

We have a society that institutionally and socially protects male privilege
Read it on mn all the time. Woman gives up work,to let male career progress
There’s never a notion man go PT or change track.always the woman giving things up

Op

He may not appear controlling bout money now but if you split you my find he is.

Of course I wouldn’t just divorce him just like that, but I am going to continue questioning him on this because when you suddenly see hypocrisy it’s hard to unsee it.

@mholz get a grip. You're a fine one to complain about patriarchy and failing the sisterhood when you're firing off blaming a woman for the views her husband holds!

OP is allowed to sound out MN for opinions. She's allowed to take some time to think about how she feels. She clearly doesn't support the views of her husband.

Maybe instead of instantaneously filing for divorce, she can bring him round to see the issues with his attitude. Would that meet with your approval? Or would she still be an agent of the patriarchy...?

Also just to add - sorry if you already mentioned the business size and I missed it OP, but it sounds pretty big. Directors (multiple) on up to £200k - this isn’t some two-person plumbing operation or newsagents we’re talking about here.

Well said Notlivestock.

The man is trying to run a successful business not a diversity center or a social experiment. You hire the best person for the job and why the hell would a sensible person hire someone who is going to be absent for many months. I wouldn’t hire a man (or anyone) who told me he was probably soon going on a fun adventure for maybe a year. Fuck that.

Charolais

The man is trying to run a successful business not a diversity center or a social experiment.

Indeed, and businesses must operate within the law. Which prohibits discrimination.

Did you miss the part where she isn’t even pregnant? She just has the audacity to be female. That’s enough to rule her out.

Gillybeanz family's financial affairs historically are based as much around prioritising continued eligibility for tax credits as much as anything else, so the attitude isn't a big surprise.

Do google the basics of employment law first though gilly. Otherwise anyone remotely tribunal minded is going to see you coming a mile off. Also you, the DH here and anyone else who feels they can't run their business without employees taking (fully state funded) leave at the birth of a baby would do well to employ only post-menopausal women and no men at all, since the latter remain fertile much later and could take several months paternity leave at any time.

So anyone from 25-40 can't get a job with him then? Because they might have a baby? That's the central age for working ...

I was on the board of governors so knew the whole thing.

Charolais, pg and mat leave isn’t a fun adventure.pregnancy is a protected category under 2010 equality act
The protected characteristics are
age
disability
gender reassignment
marriage and civil partnership
pregnancy and maternity
race
religion or belief
sex
sexual orientation

I'm not at all surprised. It's a pain for any company to have employees dipping in and out to have babies. We only have 4 females in our team; currently one is out on mat leave and the other is pregnant. Doesn't look good for females when half our representation is not actually working.

Doesn't look good for females when half our representation is not actually working
It doesn’t look bad for a woman to be pg.its not detrimental to anyone
And a good employer makes good mat leave provision to retain staff