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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school? Concerns about Teacher

158 replies

MagentaMarmaset40 · 29/06/2018 12:09

Hi there,

Made an account just to ask this question as I have some concerns with my DS school.

My DS is in year 8, and is by no means perfect - I know and acknowledge that. Recently his science teacher has had an operation and the school have got a temp teacher into replace her. I have some major concerns about this teacher.

Firstly, my friend is a parent governed and she told me that the new teacher isn’t registered with an agency or anything - so the school have no references for him. Apparently he is just a mate of the deputy head who knew him from a previous school? Am I right to be concerned that this could be putting kids at risk. My friend said they were told he left his last post due to a “personality clash” with his line manager, and is starting full time with a different school in September. From what I hear, his actual teaching is good, if a little old fashioned.

But I also think this teacher has an issue with my son. He’s given my son 3 detentions in 2 weeks, one for homework not being done which i accept; but the other two have been for things I don’t think warranted a DT. I’ve told my DS not to do the detentions and school have now put him in isolation.

I’m concerned because my son has decided he is gay, and very open about it; and I think that this teacher may be picking on him because of it.

WIBU to go and see the head about this teacher?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 29/06/2018 16:15

You may well be right there, @ElizabethMainwaring there is something quite childish about her posts. Either way, I don't think she's coming back. Grin

lilyheather1 · 29/06/2018 16:26

"Decided he is gay"
Wow OP, have a word with yourself.

TrudeauGirl · 29/06/2018 16:47

"Decided he is gay"
Wow OP, have a word with yourself.

Was just about to comment on this.

When i came out as gay, I came out, I didn't "decide"

You probably meant it innocently OP, but it seems weird to phrase it like that.

TrudeauGirl · 29/06/2018 16:49

Sorry that top it should have been quoted

Decided he is gay"
Wow OP, have a word with yourself.

I agree this was oddly phrased by the OP

crunchymint · 29/06/2018 16:53

Some people do choose to be gay.

Teateaandmoretea · 29/06/2018 16:53

How can you be openly gay in a science lessons? The mind boggles.

greathat · 29/06/2018 16:58

Kids don't fall off a chair unless they are fucking about. Schools don't need to use an agency. The teacher will be dbs checked. The governor shouldn't be telling you anything! That's the only bit that is dodgy here! Support the School and enforce sanctions otherwise your kid will be an unteachable little shit

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/06/2018 17:06

big Xpost with lots but

Your friend needs to STFU and stop being a governor is she can't hold herself to the required standards.

Your DS sounds like he was messing around and got caught.

You have caused the issues by saying that he didn't have to attend the detentions and you are now trying to play the 'he's homophobic' card.

Get a grip.

MissMarplesKnitting · 29/06/2018 17:09

If you're thinking of using the homophobia argument bthink very carefully indeed.

I know a teacher accused of being racist. Parents marched up to school demanding a meeting because Mr A was picking on their darling don because he was black.

Mr A and head met with parents, who reiterated this. The parents were asked to confirm their allegations.

Mr A gets out wallet.

Mr A's wife is black, and his kids are mixed race.

Cue very shamefaced parents.

Your kid has behaved badly and tried to shift the blame, and you've fallen for it, just like he hoped.

You need to wise up and start making him take responsibility for his actions.

Stirner · 29/06/2018 17:14

I can see all the teacher worshippers are out in force again. I'm not sure why they think they can categorically rule out homophobia when they don't know the teacher, your son or you.

FWIW my folks pulled me out of detentions they thought were unwarranted and I have a brilliant job now.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/06/2018 17:22

Stirner

I wouldn't rule out anything but the OP no longer has a strong case as she has already had a chance to sort this by talking to the teacher and the school but decided to make things worse.

Malbecfan · 29/06/2018 17:22

I haven't RTFT but this post has really annoyed me. I'm relieved that the overwhelming majority feel as I do.

I am an experienced teacher. I have taken over a class when someone left (for a promotion) and that school chose not to recruit a permanent teacher for 2 terms. I was asked to apply by someone connected with the school, was interviewed and appointed for the 2 terms. I didn't work for an agency (still don't) BUT my DBS check came through in less than 24 hours and yes, I knew a number of new colleagues before I started, similar to the person in question.

The older kids were excellent, and relived that they had a subject specialist who could get up to speed with their GCSE relatively quickly. (I taught another spec elsewhere). The younger kids were a nightmare. I am a good disciplinarian but found some of them really challenging and really annoying. Kids like the OP's son were the worst and so yes, I was harsh on the "silly" misdemeanours that in my other school I would just have given the kid a look. They were also very quick to moan to their parents, who got equally short shrift, especially when they tried to defend their little angel.

Fact: if the student is behaving sensibly, they do not fall off their stool unless they faint or there is an earthquake. Fact: most teachers don't give a flying f**k about the sexuality of their students; there are more important things to do. If the school gives a detention and a parent tells their kid not to do it, I would be making a very strong case to the leadership of the school to suggest that said parent looks for another school better suited to their darling. Fact: detentions are given out for a reason and the OP is choosing to ignore the fact that her DS is poorly behaved in a lesson.

I'm so glad that I don't work in such a school, that the parents of my lot are appreciative and supportive, and despairing for those poor teachers trying to do their best but being thwarted by people like the OP.

Ducking for cover....

ScipioAfricanus · 29/06/2018 17:24

Most of us said there was no evidence given by OP that the teacher had a problem with son’s sexuality, and plenty given that her son was a pain to teach (falling off chair, being ‘far from perfect’). Hardly teacher worshipping to suggest Occam’s razor at play here.

Stirner · 29/06/2018 17:29

These threads frustrate me because the general consensus seems to be never criticise or question a teacher ever. It's cult like. It doesn't work like that for other professionals.

MaisyPops · 29/06/2018 17:30

Fell of his chair? Or was dicking about in class and fell off his chair?
This ^^

Though seriously if OP had any questions about situations leading to detentions then she should have called the school to speak to the teacher BEFORE doing anything else (you know like a sensible adult and like many people say on almost every thread on here linked to detentions).

Instead, she took the silly education board mob advice of 'tell your child not to attend... they were ONLY... I don't like the detention so...' which means you can probably put reasonable money on detention issued after multiple warnings but child reports the final event in a tiny way knowing home will back them.

I never quite understand what the issue is with 'Hi Mr Brown. Timmy says there's been an incident today. Can you talk me though it?' It's so so simple and reasonable.

StepBackNow · 29/06/2018 17:31

Sounds like your son is a total pain, OP, worry about that not the teacher.

ScipioAfricanus · 29/06/2018 17:32

Seriously, Stirner? I’ve certainly read a fair share of threads on Mumsnet criticising teachers. But here the OP (if genuine) has very little to go on.

Pengggwn · 29/06/2018 17:33

These threads frustrate me because the general consensus seems to be never criticise or question a teacher ever. It's cult like. It doesn't work like that for other professionals.

But in this case, what grounds for criticism or questioning are there? And, actually, the OP didn't criticise or question - she made a decision without speaking to the teacher, to tell her son not to do as the teacher had instructed. That's grounds to criticise her, not the teacher.

Stirner · 29/06/2018 17:35

@Pengggwn - there's rarely any point in speaking to teachers though, they rarely back down even if they're clearly in the wrong. Withdrawing her son from detention was a good move and sent out a strong message.

agedknees · 29/06/2018 17:35

Op has vanished - do you think she got detention?

BreconBeBuggered · 29/06/2018 17:37

Not making any comment on the teacher's or your son's behaviour at all, OP, as it would be entirely superfluous. But to suggest the school have let teaching staff through the door without doing rigorous checks is utter nonsense, unless of course they plan to fail their next Ofsted inspection.

RolyRocks · 29/06/2018 17:40

These threads frustrate me because the general consensus seems to be never criticise or question a teacher ever. It's cult like. It doesn't work like that for other professionals.

You are reading a different thread to me as I haven’t seen that on this particular thread at all.
The OP’s gripe is that the teacher is in a temporary post and has allegedly been offered the post without references and because they are not agency, something terrible occurred. Posters correctly are saying that references are not needed due to the fact the Deputy Head already knows the teacher and will have been DBS checked.

In addition, the OP has complained that her DS has been given too many detentions and is being picked on because they are gay. The OP agrees with one of the detentions, won’t tell us what the third one was and the other was from ‘falling off a chair’. In this scenario, along with he OP agreeing that the teacher is good, posters are also stating hat there is no evidence to suggest homophobia and the detention will have been for messing around that led to falling off a chair.

With other teacher posts on MN, teachers will always say to speak to someone at he school to get a clearer picture of what has happened and take it from there. To merely just tell a child not to attend a detention is daft.

So no, there is no cult of teacher, only cult of common sense generally.

SilverySurfer · 29/06/2018 17:52
  1. your friend should be fired for blabbing about the teacher.
  1. The school is attempting to educate your little darling, which includes discipline and you should be supporting them, not telling him not to do detention. He's obviously one of the 'free spirits' that abound today. Must be a shock to the system to be faced with discipline which he obviously doesn't get at home.
  1. How dreadful that he fell off the chair. Did it rear up on its hind legs and buck him off? Hmm
flumposie · 29/06/2018 17:57

You are not helping your son by telling him not to go to detentions. You have made the situation worse! Totally undermining. Nightmare .

SoddingUnicorns · 29/06/2018 17:57

there's rarely any point in speaking to teachers though, they rarely back down even if they're clearly in the wrong

In some cases that may be true, in others it entirely depends on how you approach them.