Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school? Concerns about Teacher

158 replies

MagentaMarmaset40 · 29/06/2018 12:09

Hi there,

Made an account just to ask this question as I have some concerns with my DS school.

My DS is in year 8, and is by no means perfect - I know and acknowledge that. Recently his science teacher has had an operation and the school have got a temp teacher into replace her. I have some major concerns about this teacher.

Firstly, my friend is a parent governed and she told me that the new teacher isn’t registered with an agency or anything - so the school have no references for him. Apparently he is just a mate of the deputy head who knew him from a previous school? Am I right to be concerned that this could be putting kids at risk. My friend said they were told he left his last post due to a “personality clash” with his line manager, and is starting full time with a different school in September. From what I hear, his actual teaching is good, if a little old fashioned.

But I also think this teacher has an issue with my son. He’s given my son 3 detentions in 2 weeks, one for homework not being done which i accept; but the other two have been for things I don’t think warranted a DT. I’ve told my DS not to do the detentions and school have now put him in isolation.

I’m concerned because my son has decided he is gay, and very open about it; and I think that this teacher may be picking on him because of it.

WIBU to go and see the head about this teacher?

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 29/06/2018 12:53

I think you don't understand what a reference is for. There's no point checking references if the deputy head has already worked with the teacher. What more is a couple of lines from a stranger going to tell them over personal experience?

All teachers are DBS checked which is a separate thing.

BarefootHippieChick · 29/06/2018 12:54

How would this teacher even know your ds is gay? Does he ask every student at the start of a lesson their sexual orientation, or is your ds bandying it around to all and sundry, when quite frankly he should just be getting on with his work. Seriously, with only a couple of school weeks to go, this is such a non issue.

Bobbybear10 · 29/06/2018 12:55

Due to issues when I was at school I can be a bit chippy when it comes to teachers but even I can tell how this is actually playing out.

Your precious, well behaved son is dicking about and being obnoxious. He was obviously doing that thing kids do where they lean back on the back legs of a chair basically lolling around and then he over balanced and fell. He was absolutely right to deserve that detention.

I honestly think you are seeing your child through a pfb mother’s eyes.

Honestly you should be grateful the head knows all about this Teacher! He must be a pretty good teacher to have impressed your head when they taught together and he starts at a new school soon so obviously he impressed them too.

I cannot for one second see how your son being gay has anything to do with it, unless he is being very loud, obnoxious and attention seeking about it which is distracting other children.

SaucyJack · 29/06/2018 12:56

Why would he need additional references when the deputy head has direct experience of working with him in a professional capacity?

zaalitje · 29/06/2018 12:56

Teachers are regularly employed on a supply basis by the local authority and work across a number of schools. They wouldn't then need referencing for each post and the LA would have the DBS check covered.

BlackHillsofDakota · 29/06/2018 13:00

You sound like the type of parent who does a daily mail sad face after their child is sent home for having rainbow stripe hair or some other issue that the school have been clear is not allowed but you think doesn't apply to you.

crunchymint · 29/06/2018 13:00

I would report your friend who is a Governor to the Head. Confidentiality is crucial for Governors, and breaking that to gossip is very wrong.

Goodasgoldilox · 29/06/2018 13:01

Have you fallen off many chairs at work?

The usual reason for 'falling' is messing about.

Surely you don't want to encourage your DS to stop the rest of the class learning even if you don't mind him clowning when he could be studying?

SassitudeandSparkle · 29/06/2018 13:02

Hmm, sounds more like it's you who has got your son into trouble by telling him that detentions don't apply to him!

Did you speak to the school at all, or just tell him not to do them so he gets the fallout and not you?!

Unless the chair broke while he was sitting still, he fell off it for a reason - he could have been pushed but it's more likely he was messing about.

What was the other detention for? Honestly, from what you've said here it doesn't sound like the teacher has anything against your son.

Chewbecca · 29/06/2018 13:04

YABVU for multiple reasons

  • you don't know the teacher is 'unchecked'
  • the PG should not be sharing info with you
  • your DS should not have been larking around so he fell of his chair
  • you should not have told your DS not to do the detentions

What was the other detention for?

You need to support the school.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 29/06/2018 13:08

Your friend is a pretty shite Governor if she's blabbing all sorts of private information to you simply because she feels like it.

Also, what you think warrants a detention might not tally with what a teacher thinks warrants one. You sign the home school agreement, you send your child there to be placed in the care of these adults, so you have to get on with it unless those adults are shirking their duty of care. You only have to consider one child; that teacher has to consider many, many more.

I'm not a fan of teacher bashing - I'm sure there are some duffs but most are simply trying to do a decent job without being yelled at by parents. And they don't need parents telling their DC "you don't have to do that detention". It's disrespectful on your behalf and, if I'm honest, you're the reason your son is in trouble, not the teacher.

crochetmonkey74 · 29/06/2018 13:09

You have decided that the gossip you have heard and the story from your son is gospel truth.

Just ask at school politely and see what happened.
Also your friend should lose their governorship - huge breach of confidentiality

BookWitch · 29/06/2018 13:16

Firstly, your governor friend is likely breaching the Code Of Conduct. A governor, and do not get involved in where supply staff come from- it's a purely operational matter.

Secondly, from my teaching days (I've taught almost exclusively Y7-9 in the past), I would bet my life the falling off the chair incident was due to messing around.

Support the school OP.

IrmaFayLear · 29/06/2018 13:17

When I was a governor, one of the parent governors was summarily removed from the governing body for gossiping in the playground about a confidential issue which they had been party to at a gov meeting.

I too don’t understand how a supply teacher who sees a kid for only a couple of hours a week could possibly know a pupil’s sexual orientation... unless this dc has been acting in a camp clown manner; he clearly thinks he is the class entertainments manager and op is supportive of his antics.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 29/06/2018 13:19

And why shouldn’t I have a right to no that a bloke with no references is teaching my son?

Your rights as a parent’s are to know that the school has a safeguarding policy in place and to assume that the school upholds that with all their appointments. If there is evidence to suggest that policy hasn’t been followed, you would have cause for complaint. However, you would need to disclose why you believe policy hasn’t been followed. Which, in simple terms, means dobbing in your friend who has made a massive, massive confidentiality breech.

You have caused your son to be in isolation by failing to dig a bit deeper or contact the teacher for clarification. Falling off a chair is teen code for being an absolute dick because I think the supply teacher doesn’t understand the behaviour system. And I say that with some confidence as a seasoned supply teacher Smile

January87 · 29/06/2018 13:19

Your son hasn't 'decided' he is gay. He is gay, there was no decision making about it.

Rufus27 · 29/06/2018 13:21

So, instead of going through an agency and getting a complete unknown, the deputy head has got in touch with a former colleague who, by your own admission, is a good teacher, and asked him to cover? How on earth is this putting kids in danger?

^ This.

Nanny0gg · 29/06/2018 13:21

You don't have to employ teachers through an agency.
As long as the school are happy with qualifications and references, supply can come from anywhere.

twoshedsjackson · 29/06/2018 13:22

I remember one parent asking, "I want to know exactly why my son is in detention" slowly blanching as I drew out my planner for exact dates and times, and gave her a resume from my notes; as I said to her, "I think you've only had the edited highlights up until now......" and to her credit, when she had more facts at her disposal, I think dear "all I did was" son got it hot and strong when she referred back to him. Anyway, the reason had to go on the detention slip, so the school can probably fill in the details. Do you really want to hear them? Do you really think teachers enjoy flogging on at the end of the day with the little herberts who have pushed their luck a bit too far, rather than calling it a day?

musicinthe00ssucks · 29/06/2018 13:28

  1. Governor confidentiality is incredibly important so your friends is a gossipy twat for breaking that.

  2. schools are not obliged to use agencies. The teacher will have an up to date DBS and the necessary qualifications.

  3. It’s because of parents like you that teachers are finding their profession increasingly impossible. You need to stop jumping to conclusions and work with the school not against them.

  4. with 3 weeks until the end of term how about putting up and shutting up.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 29/06/2018 13:28

My ds is by no means perfect - I know and acknowledge that
YOU are the reason why. When you can’t get your son to respect your authority, when he won’t do as you tell him to, remember that YOU taught him that he doesn’t have to. He can do as he pleases, and if he doesn’t agree with any consequences imposed, he can ignore them.

Parents like you are what is wrong with the school system. Do your job as a parent and support the school properly. There is no reason to suppose that this teacher is picking on your son for his sexuality. 5ere is every reason to suppose it is due to his behaviour and lack of respect for authority. I bet nothing is ever his fault, or your either.

Jonnyboo · 29/06/2018 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IllHaveTheSaladPlease · 29/06/2018 13:30

OP I just wanted to add, your son hasn't decided he is gay. He is gay and has decided to come out.

VanGoghsLeftEar · 29/06/2018 13:30

Thank you @January87 that was what I was going to say.

Op has gone quiet, hasn't she?

IllHaveTheSaladPlease · 29/06/2018 13:32

Oh xpost @January87 Smile