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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school? Concerns about Teacher

158 replies

MagentaMarmaset40 · 29/06/2018 12:09

Hi there,

Made an account just to ask this question as I have some concerns with my DS school.

My DS is in year 8, and is by no means perfect - I know and acknowledge that. Recently his science teacher has had an operation and the school have got a temp teacher into replace her. I have some major concerns about this teacher.

Firstly, my friend is a parent governed and she told me that the new teacher isn’t registered with an agency or anything - so the school have no references for him. Apparently he is just a mate of the deputy head who knew him from a previous school? Am I right to be concerned that this could be putting kids at risk. My friend said they were told he left his last post due to a “personality clash” with his line manager, and is starting full time with a different school in September. From what I hear, his actual teaching is good, if a little old fashioned.

But I also think this teacher has an issue with my son. He’s given my son 3 detentions in 2 weeks, one for homework not being done which i accept; but the other two have been for things I don’t think warranted a DT. I’ve told my DS not to do the detentions and school have now put him in isolation.

I’m concerned because my son has decided he is gay, and very open about it; and I think that this teacher may be picking on him because of it.

WIBU to go and see the head about this teacher?

OP posts:
mozzybites · 29/06/2018 13:32

DC often try it on with new supply teachers, I know we did at school so it isn't surprising that your DC tried this. While he is messing around falling off chairs, other DC, the ones actually trying to learn stuff that they might need later on are being messed around by your DC. You really aren't helping him by setting up against the school and telling him not to do detention. Maybe if you go into school and have a conversation about what he has been doing and what needs to change moving forward you can help sort it out.
The recruitment method for the teacher is an irrelevance and as far as I can see so is your son's sexuality.

BrexitWife · 29/06/2018 13:34

If one of my teens was ‘falling from his chair’ and got a detention, I wouod assume he wa fooling around and I wouod support the detention.

I dint think you're doing your ds any favour by telling him NOT to do the detention
1- because you are teaching him that it’s ok to do whatever they f* you want.
2- because. By not going through the proper channels, he is now in even more trouble (isolation)

I’m struggling to see the relationhsip between the fact he is (might) be gay and the fact he isn’t allowed to misbehaved in class.....

Weedinosaurus · 29/06/2018 13:39

Unanimous YABU.
I suspect your DS 'not being perfect' could have something to do with your attitude towards school and the way he's been brought up.
Agree with all posters...except Jonnyboo who was just rude.

Starlight345 · 29/06/2018 13:39

what was the other detention for?

What did you think not going to a detention would resolve..

IME my DS is never innocent and if he claims to be completely innocent that is more of concern.

your friend should be sacked.. no you don't have a right to know.. if there is a concern about no dbs that should be dealt with without involving you

I am off for a cuppa with my pg friend in 10 minutes.. we will not be discussing pg business .. i don't expect her to and would change my opinion of her if she did.

BeautifulWintersMorning · 29/06/2018 13:40

I’ve told my DS not to do the detentions and school have now put him in isolation
Yes that's what happens if a child refuses to do a detention. It wasn't a good idea to tell him not to do them as you've made it worse for him

TicketyBoo83 · 29/06/2018 13:40

Oh look, another parent who thinks they know how to run a school better than the people who do it day in, day out 🙄

You’re teaching your son that he can be a wee knob and get away with it, parents like you are what makes our job so difficult. No wonder he’s getting detentions - you’ve taught him his actions don’t need to have consequences.

Also, no - you have no ‘rights’ to know about this teacher’s references or work history. I’m astounded by your unbelievable arrogance.

WickedGoodDoge · 29/06/2018 13:43

Fell off his chair? I’d guess that something happened to make him fall off his chair and even if it was completely accidental, I’d tell my DC to take the detention with good grace. DS once got detention for “uniform infraction” because his shirt was untucked. It was completely accidental due to a rush from PE to his next class, but I pretty much told him, “tough luck, take the detention”.

QueenPeeBeePee · 29/06/2018 13:44

And why shouldn’t I have a right to no that a bloke with no references is teaching my son?

He's got the qualifications, skills and clearances.

He didn't need to ask his previous employers for references because he was offered the job.

References are usually asked for before the role is offered.

You need to stop worrying about this teacher & sort your son out.

HTH

mamma2016 · 29/06/2018 13:46

YABU.

Teacher will have to be DBS checked.

Undermining the school by telling your son not to attend detentions will result him having no respect for his teachers and his behaviour will therefore be worse.

Would you teach teenagers? I certainly wouldn't want to and surely undermining them will just make their job much harder than it already is.

BingTheButterflySlayer · 29/06/2018 13:48

OK I'm an ex supply teacher (planning to return).

Theres NO way he's teaching without references or adequate checks - you can either work through an agency who do all these or you can work via schools directly who run these checks themselves. There is no way the school have not done these because they'd be fucking disembowelled by Ofsted. My own kids' school has a bank of supply teachers they don't get via agencies and I'm not in the least bit concerned about that - the same safeguarding checks have been carried out - just there's not an agency in the middle pocketing a ridiculous amount of money for not very much work at all.

Falling off chairs - I'm the parent of a dyspraxic who regularly falls off chairs so I know there are genuine reasons that kids do this. School also know there are genuine reasons for this happening with my child... but there's also a particular repertoire of tricks kids try to use to wind new and unknown teachers up and test the limits - and theatrically falling off chairs to make their mates howl with laughter is part of that repertoire (I always particularly liked it when they were horrified at being addressed by name and demanded to know how you knew that, and being able to tell them that "I've just watched you doodle it five times over the front of your pencil case when you should have been paying attention").

RideOn · 29/06/2018 13:50

It sounds like the new teacher does have a good reference, from the deputy head. Also he has secured a new job in September.

It sounds like he is ideal to be filling in a short gap in school year.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 29/06/2018 13:51

There are rubbish people in every profession. However you don’t know this teacher left his last job due to his ‘personality’ it could have been an ‘unhelpful’ manager to blame. There are power games and bullying everywhere, and definitely in teaching. You simply can’t know.

It would be fair to question the detentions if you firmly believe they are not merited. Also to raise with the head that your DC may be at risk of discrimination due to sexuality. But just telling him to no do what school has decreed puts your DS in a difficult postition. That is your responsibility to communicate, not his.

sleepyducks · 29/06/2018 13:52

Does your son often get detentions from other teachers or has he suddenly just got a lot from this new one?

I don't really see the references thing as being an issue to be honest. Supply teachers don't have to come from an agency and all a reference would do is confirmed where he had worked previously and when (which they already know if someone at the school worked with him before.) The important bit that you could legitimately questions is that he has all the important paperwork in terms of DBS and safeguarding training.

You shouldn't have told your son just to not go to the detentions as of course this will have repercussions, if you had an issue with them then you should have called and asked to speak to the teacher who set them.

In terms of getting a DT for 'just falling off a chair' it depends on the context. If a child in a class constantly 'drops' his pen so he can get out of his seat to wander around the classroom and pick it up. You could say he was just given him a DT for dropping his pen, when actually it was the 15th time in an hour and every time he drops it he is disturbing the learning of others. Not saying this happened, but I imagine you've heard a snapshot and not the full story.

HRTpatch · 29/06/2018 13:54

Is your son "spirited"?

ilovesooty · 29/06/2018 13:56

Parents like you are the reason so many supply teachers are needed in schools.

BlueBiros · 29/06/2018 14:04

So you admit the new teacher is good at teaching, has worked with the deputy head before, is a science specialist and upholds standards for homework and behaviour in class?! Sounds like most schools' dream supply teacher.

You say the new teacher is a bit old fashioned and you have assumed he is homophobic. Is there any chance you are being a bit ageist yourself?

Pengggwn · 29/06/2018 14:06

Don’t want to drip feed; one of the dts was for falling off his chair tho fgs! And why shouldn’t I have a right to no that a bloke with no references is teaching my son? A “personality clash”. Could mean anything! Especially seeing as it looks like he left quickly without finding another job first?

References aren't for safeguarding purposes and they are not for you. They form part of the toolkit for the Head to make hiring decisions - not needed here as the Deputy was clearly able to vouch for the staff member.

"Falling off his chair" - he just randomly collapsed in class?

KERALA1 · 29/06/2018 14:09

Your son has you wrapped around his little finger op...

DairyMilkisEvil · 29/06/2018 14:14

Another one of those threads:

OP: "AIBU?"

Everyone: "yes you are, very"

OP goes quiet. Bet she comes back on shortly with a "I'm not listening to any of you / what do you know anyway ?" Etc

And then complains to the school.

Sigh

Tinkety · 29/06/2018 15:05

Don’t you just hate it when you’re sat quietly at your desk, minding your own business, concentrating really hard on your task & then BOOM, you suddenly fall off your chair

Lizzie48 · 29/06/2018 15:10

*Another one of those threads:

OP: "AIBU?"

Everyone: "yes you are, very"

OP goes quiet. Bet she comes back on shortly with a "I'm not listening to any of you / what do you know anyway ?" Etc

And then complains to the school.

Sigh*

And another one of these mocking posts, what is the point of this playground type gloating?

You're right, of course, the OP in this thread is very unreasonable in this instance.

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 29/06/2018 15:12

Exactly Tinkety. He fell off his chair because he was messing about. He got a detention because he was messing about. It has nothing to do with being gay unless he was recreating a pride march in the classroom.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 29/06/2018 15:14

If I had a pound for every one of these threads that begins “ My child is no angel but.......” I’d be rich.

It’s been said. You are unreasonable and everyone has told you so.

You don’t know whether or not the head has references. You only know what’s been told to you by your friend, who should have kept her mouth firmly shut and may not have the information she needs anyway. Just because you’re a governor doesn’t mean that you know everything.

BeautifulWintersMorning · 29/06/2018 15:17

by no means perfect = is a PITA

ElizabethMainwaring · 29/06/2018 15:29

I think that the op is a child, not a parent posted. They are trying to get a teacher into trouble, or take the pee out of a peer.
Eg. 'Decided they are gay'..., detention for 'falling off a chair'... I may be wrong, but I doubt it.