To steal a baby name?

[Maggie24715]

My husbands cousin is TTC and we were chatting about baby names. I'm 6 months pregnant and love the baby name she's chosen.
Would I be the worst in the world to steal it?
They live at the other end of the country so we only see them at family weddings - but they are a close family with lots of FB groups etc.

Lipstick - you are so very wrong. Humans are individuals with feelings and the need for respect of their personal boundaries. That is why, in modern societies, it is no longer common practice for first names to be handed down from generation to generation or for twins to be given first names starting with the same letter or to be in the same class at school.

From a psycho-linguistic perspective, you are at odds with societal norms, both in your underlying assumptions of basic human need and in your two communication modes here on MN (strangely ungrammatical utterance style writing on the one hand, low grade text book-ese on the other). You also seem very determined in your idiosyncratic (I am being polite) world view.

God, some of the responses on this thread are just nasty, reminds me how selfish some people are.

Using the baby name of someone who is struggling TTC would be absolutely A1 cuntiness.

sharpie, so you’re not just advocating something really nasty, you’re suggesting lying to justify it too? You must be a delight.

No.common decency is not expecting to be tippy toed around over choices. Whether it be attire or a chosen name

Common decency is the ability to graciously accept a name can be shared. Common decency not to go in a huff, refuse to speak to or witter on about crushed dreams

You see common decency is the ability to tolerate others and not have an egocentric world view that only your preferences matter .. One can,and plenty do,share baby names with other parents.its not catastrophic. its life

Well EXACTLY @lipstickhandbagcoffee

Remember on FRIENDS, when Monica told Rachel what name she would give her first born, and Rachel loved it, and wanted to use it. Monica said 'that's OK sweetie, you can use it.' She also acknowledged she probably should not have told her, but was more than happy for her to use it. (In addition, there was also nothing to stop her calling her daughter that name too.)

That's what a friend is. Not someone who sulks and pouts and refuses to talk to anyone ever again, and accuses someone of 'crushing their dreams' and 'making them sad for life,' because they used the name for their baby that they wanted.

Absolutely pathetic. I am so glad I don't have many of the people on this thread in my life in any way, shape or form. Couldn't stand the drama and the histrionics. They would be ghosted pretty sharpish if they behaved like that around me. (Yes yes say you wouldn't want someone like meeeee in your life either la la la..) IDGAF

So....

I still maintain that the OP's relative has only herself to blame (if someone else wants to use it,) for blabbing the name.

A name does not belong to anyone.

Anyone kicking off and threatening to disown someone for 'stealing' the name they were going to have for their baby is childish, petulant, and a little bit pathetic.

The person who DID use said name should just use it no matter how anyone kicks off, as they are better off without the ranty drama queen who threatened to disown them for having the temerity to use the name THEY had chose for THEIR baby.

@spidey66

It's his cousin,so not a sibling. They're at different ends of the country so won't see each other that often. The other child isn't conceived. I'd go for it.

I've got loads of cousins and quite a few have the same name, some with the same surname. It's never been an issue.

Exactly this! As I said earlier, I have got extended family/relatives with the same first name, (and a few with the same second name AND first name!) No-one has ever sulked or pouted or thrown their toys out of the pram if someone has used THEIR child's name.

I am willing to bet that every single one of the naysayers bashing people for using a name 'someone else thought of first' has the same thing in THEIR family(s) Some people with the same name.

I am also willing to bet that not a single one of them would kick off in real life, and disown the person in question, and it's all bravado for this forum. In real life, no way would they disown a cousin (or another relative,) for using a name they were going to use for their baby. They would probably be annoyed, but would concede that if they were dumb enough to tell people the name, that it's their own fault someone else 'stole' it.'

All pointless now as the OP has said she isn't using it I still think she probably is, but is sick of vipers calling her the devil incarnate for using a name for her baby that a relative told her SHE was going to use....

When pregnant I met another pregnant woman at a yoga class, she was due same week as me. We became friends over a few weeks and she told me she had lost a child to cancer a couple of years ago. Naturally I was hugely sympathetic. She asked what names I had in mind, I relaxed my 'never tell anyone the name rule' and told her my boy name and my girl name, both very unusual. She had a long list but no real idea. She was induced 2 weeks early, had a girl and yup 'took' my girl name. For a month or so she didn't tell me but said she and her DH couldn't agree on a name, I worried she had missed deadline to register the birth! I had a boy. Her DD and my DS are in the same class at school. This all happened over 10 years ago. I smile and say hi to her everyday but keep walking. For the first 6 months it physically hurt, I felt like her baby was mine sort of! I am very down to earth and practical but it really upset me. It took a couple of years for me to move on. I kept telling myself she had suffered so much losing a child that I should just forgive and move on. It is weird to know I named her DD and seeing her every day. Only my DH knows this story but I always tell pregnant friends to keep quiet about the name.

I still haven't told anyone the name I chose for my mythical second child. I couldn't bear to have someone close to me use the name that I will never get to use. Irrational? Probably, but then 8+ years infertility does that to you.

I never really understand people who work on the "just because you can you should" basis. I would be far keener to talk it through with someone than riding roughshod over their feelings.

What about Genie (short got Genevieve)?

I love Elodie and Esme too. And Elsie was on my girls list.

Op has demonstrated she sways to family pressure.doesnt want disapproval
The swathe of answers has been in the don’t steal it vein.
so yea it’s an owns the name thread. Many suggesting the cousin owns the name
The mere suggestion of using name has provoked histrionic responses
Bitch
Stealing dreams
Mean spirited
Blah blah

It isn't about ownership of a name, of course nobody owns a name, but it is about what that name can represent to people and whether you would want to avoid potential distress to someone.

I feel very sorry for both LipstickHandbagCoffee and littlemissdynamite as they appear to have failed to developed beyond the stage of egocentricity. They appear unable to differentiate between a situation in which a person might be being precious and claiming ownership over a name, and the situation here in which a woman who is having fertility problems might find the associations with a name she has focused on for the child she hopes to have, very difficult.

The cousin's wife hasn't had a hissy fit, demanded anything - because she doesn't know.

The OP on the other hand has listened to the viewpoint of others and would rather choose a different name than potentially hurt someone. Because for the OP it is just a name. For the cousin's wife it might be whole lot more.

Frankly I'd much rather have the OP as friend or family member than someone who doesn't give a shit about the feelings of others.

Yeah, lipstick, because most people have the decency to avoid doing things which can potentially cause lifelong distress.

If you’re the sort of person who thinks you can do what you want without any regards to the feelings of others then your the sort of person who is at the root of most of societies problems.

I would avoid using the same name as my siblings' children. But no way would I avoid using names from my cousins' children.

She's having trouble falling pregnant...and you want to use the baby name she just shared with you? wow. There is such a negative association with that name now as you will always remember how you massively hurt a family members' feelings just to use it.

Remember on FRIENDS, when Monica told Rachel what name she would give her first born, and Rachel loved it, and wanted to use it. Monica said 'that's OK sweetie, you can use it.' She also acknowledged she probably should not have told her, but was more than happy for her to use it. (In addition, there was also nothing to stop her calling her daughter that name too.)

Friends is a fucking TV show.
OP, unless you and this cousin have a friendly script to read from, written by paid staff, which is then green-lighted by TV execs, my advice to you would be: Think of another name.

Why the fuck don't people read the fucking thread .The OP is not going to use the name. No drama.

Fear not,I don’t need sympathy of strangers.and certainly not those aerated by baby names
Perhaps revisit egocentrism teggun and you’ll in fact see it is seeing the world from ones own perspective. To the extent one expects others to also share that world view,and when they don’t there is rage. It’s a self centred singular stance to not allow for other views. As demonstrated on this thread,by adult posters whose reactions were
Rage
Huffs
Stopped talking
Held a gripe and grudge for years

All because someone else had temerity to use same baby name
Originating from only able to see world from own perspective.egocentric

Lipstick - you need to revisit those textbooks and actually understand the underlying concepts rather than just memorise and regurgitate.

Why the fuck don't people read the fucking thread .The OP is not going to use the name. No drama.

Oh I've read the thread. This is more about 'Friends'. Anyone who uses Friends as a reference for a real life situation needs to have a word with themselves.

No

Ooooo I don't think it's a good thing to do.

SIL and I were pregnant at the same time, both didn't know the sex of our babies till birth, we discussed names on our own, I told her the name I wanted

. She, blatantly announced she was going to use the name I'd picked if her baby were a boy, I was really hurt! However, she wasn't aware I'd already said it before her to the family.

I had a son, she had a daughter. I named my son with the name. Years later, she didn't ever have a son, but named her dog the same name as my son! CF!!!!

Everyone in the family new the score, she's a very strange woman.

I digress, I think I'd talk to her about it if you can.

And revisit basic syntax while you are at it.

I used the term knowingly and correctly, lipstick

Yet again you have demonstrated the inability to view this issue from any perspective other than your own. You have therefore demonstrated your egocentricity perfectly.

It’s a cuntish thing to do, especially to a couple TTC.

It’s a given on these name threads that someone mentions Charlotte SATC and friends
As if it’s deep and meaningful,with a searing moral message for all
When in fact it’s some dated show that’s not stood test of time or in any way relevant

Read the thread Teggun,slowly if that helps you
Read the rage,the huffs,the name calling,shattered dreams,the profanities
Perfect examples of adult egocentrism,inability to tolerate another word view