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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by what happened?

176 replies

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/06/2018 18:01

Slight incident on my way home from work which left me feeling shocked and actually a bit shaken (probably safe I know and I am not usually easily shaken).

Part of my route home involved driving down a section of a street which joins a main road at the bottom. There is always a line of parked cars on the left hand side as you go down and therefore only room for one car to go up/down.

As I approached the start of the line of card, I checked no one was coming up/waiting/about to turn in off the main road. There is a clear view in both directions and there were no cars so I set off.

When I got about three quarters of the way down, a car turned in off the main road, quite quickly, and had to stop to wait for me to finish coming down (no where for me to pull in). He didn't have to stop suddenly as there is enough room at the bottom to have time.

I reached the bottom of the line and put my hand up to him to say thank you for stopping. We both had Windows down due to heat and as he moved off he shouted, really aggressively 'thanks you fucking stuck up slag'ShockAngry

I had already started moving and was frankly so astounded that I did not respond and just carried on. There were no other cars and no other passengers in his car so it was definitely directed at me.

I know there are dicks everywhere and i could understand him being annoyed if I had barged through (though that doesn't excuse his bike behaviour imo) but I did nothing at all wrong. I was simply driving down a street.

It's been a long, hard day at work but aibu to be shocked and a bit shaken by this?

OP posts:
SharronNeedles · 27/06/2018 19:28

Is there any chance he was on speaker phone to someone?

If not, what a twat

lljkk · 27/06/2018 19:28

Sounds like you were supposed to say thanks, not just wave. He was shouting thanks to you in angry sarcasm that you hadn't grovelled your thanks to him for waiting so long.

I reckon that's it. It's passive aggressive "I have to be thanked for not behaving like an utter asshole" crap.

chocolateworshipper · 27/06/2018 19:29

Sounds like a cause for celebration ... that you're not married to him.

TooManyPaws · 27/06/2018 19:31

Dashcam and report to the police. I reported when some idiot try to run me off the motorway (I held my line, reasoning that he was trying to scare rather than mess his vehicle up), then overtake me on my slip road off, stop in front of me, get out and head towards me. He hadn't blocked me so I drove around, showing him two fingers. The call handler took the description in case he tried it with anyone else but advised a dashcam to catch them in the act and act as evidence.

GabsAlot · 27/06/2018 19:39

ignore i usually just smile at them or mutter under my breath

and if anyone approcahes u window up and drive off-not worth it

TatianaLarina · 27/06/2018 19:43

You don’t live in London do you OP?

TwoBlueShoes · 27/06/2018 19:55

A dashcam is a really good idea.

Do you think maybe he didn’t see your wave?

WTF? 😳

EveningHare · 27/06/2018 19:58

aibu to be shocked and a bit shaken by this?
sadly not anymore, (shocked) - but really OP? shaken? bit of an over reaction, he shouted at you from his car while you were in your car?
I can understand it if you were on the street, but you were already driving away so you were in no danger.

Fair enough it wasnt nice, but i just think its a forgettable incident

Crwban · 27/06/2018 20:17

Germaine Greer was bang on when she said that women have no idea how much men hate them.

Opposite driving scenario with me some years back where I'd flashed someone through and the driver (bloke, large car, late 50's) slowed down as he approached to pass and made a total drama of 'not getting through the gap I'd left (it was tight but we were in a back lane and it was doable). Windows open and bloke hissed "wtf are you in a van for you c*nt - you can't drive it". I, somewhat bemused said "pardon, there's loads of room!" He replied "dirty fucking slag" and glared. Cue the side door of my van (school minibus) being flung open and one of my Year 13 pupils jumping out (6'3" and 2ft wide of pumped up rugby match malice) saying "I'm not 'avin THAT". Driver sped off sharpish with my pupil trying to give chase (I love you, Dez you naughty sod).

We laughed all the way home but it shook me up a little. Some men bloody hate us.

It shouldn't take a decent bloke to put the balance back (and in my case, an 18 year old prop) but there are some bloody horrible folk out there.

Crwban · 27/06/2018 20:31

EveningHare not an overreaction at all imho. I think many many people would be shaken to be addressed like this.

EveningHare · 27/06/2018 20:35

without wanting to sound like a goady fucker (can be tough in print!), i cant imagine being shaken by someone shouting at me from a car to me in a car, and enough to make a thread about it

Crwban · 27/06/2018 20:51

You must be a really busy poster on MN then Hare being a non-gf.

Olddear · 27/06/2018 20:53

This is a man who couldn’t get a date in a fruit shop. Put him out of your mind. He’s a eejit.

ToeToToe · 27/06/2018 20:56

Cue the side door of my van (school minibus) being flung open and one of my Year 13 pupils jumping out (6'3" and 2ft wide of pumped up rugby match malice) saying "I'm not 'avin THAT". Driver sped off sharpish with my pupil trying to give chase (I love you, Dez you naughty sod).

I know I shouldn't Wink but I bloody love that Grin Well done Dez.

They do it because we're women - they run like fuck away from 'Dez'...

GreenMeerkat · 27/06/2018 21:02

What a douche!

I was driving along a main road once and a guy pulled out from a side road to turn right in front of me so I had to slam on. 100% him in the wrong of course yet he actually got out of his car and started yelling abuse at me. I'd have yelled back but my kids were in the car so I just drove past him. Wish I'd had a dashcam!

Storminateapot · 27/06/2018 21:03

Yesterday I was driving with the daughter who was road-raged at last week and as we approached a junction on a lane a woman turning right cut the corner really badly and caused me to brake quite sharply.

She mouthed 'sorry' & waved, I smiled & waved back and on we went on our merry ways.

My daughter said 'and there you have the difference between men & women drivers. She was in the wrong, apologised & you accepted it with no drama. If you were a man you'd have turned the car around & chased her down to scream & mansplain how to navigate a junction'.

She's not wrong, but it's a shame she's got the measure of that lesson already at such a young age.

NotARegularPenguin · 27/06/2018 21:06

I had similar once where again I did wave thanks for someone stopping for me, narrow country lane so no definitive right for either of us but he was nearer a gateway and stopped.....I would have had to reverse.

Windows open as hot I squeezed by and put my hand up to say thanks and got “you could say thank you you fucking bitch”.

EveningHare · 27/06/2018 21:07

You must be a really busy poster on MN then Hare being a non-gf. - sorry i dont get this (its been a long day)

NotARegularPenguin · 27/06/2018 21:08

And to be honest women can be as bad sometimes. I’m teaching dd to drive at the minute and we were at a level crossing which was stuck down so after ten minutes everyone starts turning round.

We turned round, dd stalled the car. I mean we have L plates so it’s obvious she’s learning. Some impatient cow in a 4x4 not only undertook is on the verge but screamed abuse at a stressed out 17yo girl while doing so. Nice.

Fink · 27/06/2018 21:28

I was shouted at by a taxi driver today while on my bike. I did feel a little threatened as he was driving alongside me and shouting while I was trying to puff uphill. He gave up and sped off when I didn't respond. I had done nothing wrong, just switched lanes completely safely in order to move across a road I'd merged on to. I feel for you OP.

chocorabbit · 27/06/2018 21:30

There was a thread very recently about aggression that women fac by certain male drivers. It was quite depressing. Somebody posted this article.

mumsastudent · 27/06/2018 21:36

a couple of days ago hubby & I were visit friend in hospital, came out were about to cross road -(still within/part of hospital complex) 2 guys had got out of their separate cars standing in the road yelling at each other (apparently one had cut the other off) they looked like they were going to start a fight. You have to understand that they were blocking other peoples access to the main hospital & the access leading to the main car park. I am afraid my mouth went into gear before brain went into action! I went into mum mode!I yelled at both of them saying something like "this is a hospital what do you think you are doing get back into your cars!" ….They did immediately- without saying a word to me! An old man & wife standing behind us burst into laughter and clapped - my husband tried to look invisible!

Magicpaintbrush · 27/06/2018 21:44

Something similar happened to me a couple of weeks ago. At a roundabout I was indicating to turn left. Another car was waiting to turn left (into my road) to the right of me - so we both made our left hand turns. Then the car BEHIND that car came racing up behind me and started aggressively driving up my chuff and beeping repeatedly, it was horrible. There is absolutely no way I cut him up, he entered the roundabout as I was exiting it, but he was obviously spoiling for a fight and I just happened to be there. Some men drive like arseholes and are just horrible, nasty, aggressive pricks. But my DH has been subjected to this a few times too so I don't think it's only aimed at women. Some people are just so angry and aggressive behind the wheel, they are just looking for an excuse to start on somebody.

And yes, it can leave you feeling shaken when a total stranger screams at you for no reason, that's a perfectly natural reaction to their unacceptable behaviour. Very goady of a PP to suggest you are wrong for feeling that way Hmm.

RochelleGoyle · 27/06/2018 21:47

Think that would shock most people OP. What a rude prat! Hope you don't spend any more time thinking about him.

Notthatwomanagain · 27/06/2018 21:50

Why is the first 80% of your message an explanation of how well you were driving?
I wouldnt care if you had been driving like a blind badger- his words and tone were vile.
No need for it at all.

It’s simply an extension of what many, many men think about women.
Seriously, a huge proportion of men hate women. They may tolerate those close to them, they may not.
But women strangers deserve nothing but contempt.
Especially when they are doing ‘man’ things like driving.

Know your place and stay home next time.