School and DD's hair

[upsideup]

Uniform policy says long hair must be tied up out of the way and no extreme or fashion hairstyles. There are no examples or descriptions of what is considered an extreme/fashion hairstyle.

DD is year 6, has long, curly hair. For most of school so far it was just tied in a ponytail which by Y6 meant still had loose down to her bum, other girls complained that their hair down was still shorter than dd's up, teacher told us it was too long to just be put in a ponytail so we put it in 2 plaits, still went down to her bum but was secured tightly down her head and back out of the way. This was fine for 8+ months until another child purposely (but claimed accidentally) pulled her by her plaits on the playground and when the same child claimed she spun around a whipped him with her hair which apparently really hurt, teacher said they were still too long and getting in the way at school so we needed to change it. Other girls with longish hair(mid back) are still allowed their hair in plaits.

So for 3ish weeks we have been putting it in space buns (2 buns either side of her head), today we have been told that space buns are considered a fashion/extreme hairstyle and are not suitable for school. There really is too much hair to go into one bun and apart from cutting dd's hair which she is not prepared to do, we cant think of any other options. For secondary school her hair only needs to be up for sports and science and there are no rules on how its tied.

So AIBU to just keep sending her in with a a mixture of plaits and space buns for next few weeks with a note saying this is are only option until we get it cut but never actually get it cut? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

She can manage it Alonso the OP has said that her DD does her own ponytails, buns etc.

My DD has quite long, thick hair too and I've always just shoved it up in a ponytail.
If it was me, I'd email the head and ask for the school's policy on long hair.
I'd hazard a guess that it's an over zealous teacher in this case.

I work in a school and a pupil recently was told by a random member of staff that she couldn't wear a sparkly hairband as only school colours allowed! Absolutely nothing - to the best of my knowledge - in our policies that confirm this, so definitely ask the head.

It's appalling how women and girls are judged and berated no matter what you do. What's so wrong with a women having long hair without it being "vain". Or even a women wearing makeup if she enjoyed it. Shouldn't we just be doing what makes us happy instead of pandering to every one else? At the same time women who don't wear makeup or care about hair are often referred to as "unkempt" and "doesn't take pride in her appearance".

All of this.

I hate how difficult impossible it is for women to escape judgement.

Shady lady - who said anything about forcing kids to get there hair cut? I am also not imposing my views on children with long hair as I would never be so mean. This is an anonymous site for adults. I don't like long hair. Ain't a crime.

Oh they can get over it, she's moving to secondary school soon and will only be there for another few weeks!

I'd just keep doing a mixture of the styles you've already done and fob them off saying you'll cut it soon etc etc.

What would they do if they had a Sikh child with long hair for religious reasons. Seems very short sighted...

You’re being way more accommodating than I would be. If the school told me a pony tail wasn’t acceptable I would do one big French braid instead regardless of length and that would be it. If that wasn’t acceptable I’d tell them tough. Especially with only 3 weeks of school left.

You are much nicer than me. I'd take my daughter into the office each morning before the bell and tell them to style it themselves in a suitable style.

But I am a completely mardy cowbag who doesn't suffer fools gladly

But why would a child 'be devastated to have it cut'? Why put so much emphasis on something that is essentially just an feminine adornment. There's so much more to life!

Because its her hair not yours ffs!

What is the difference in you having a highly styled short haircut that perhaps needs straightening, blow drying etc and another person having long hair that takes munutes to do? I couldnt be bothered with all the faff of regular cuts and styling but i dont care what anyone emse does.

Why should she change her whole appearance and persona because another girl appears to be jealous of her or you dont like it.

Would you tell a colleague you dont like their hair and to go get it cut? Doubt it.

When do we get past the constant crap about women not being able to make thier own choices about how they look and they should spend thier lives bending over backwards because someone doesnt like the way they look like so think they should do something to make them feel better about themselves not the person they are trying to bully.

If someone wears make up what the hell has it to do with anyone else? Nobody is asking your permission to wear make up its not vanity its feeling good about yourself whether its hair or make up its my choice not yours. If someone told me at work that i should cut my waist length hair because i only had it due to vanity i would tell them to concentrate on thier own life not mine.

And as for tell them to cut thier hair and give it to a charity. Nope. Nobody gets to tell anyone they should give to any charity never mind alter their whole apoearance on someone elses whim. No matter what the charity is for.

can i just say i hate space buns with a passion. it's a stupid name and they look stupid too, especially on adults. i find ultra-long hair weird, to be honest, but your school is weird too. tell them to knob off. you're following the rules already and that's the end of it. as bizarre as i find the compulsion to grow hair to ridiculous lengths, it's her choice and not for the school to dictate. but i am glad we as a family are utterly committed to short hair

I am also not imposing my views on children with long hair as I would never be so mean.

You said you'd "encourage" your daughter to cut her hair and donate it if it was long

I don't like long hair. Ain't a crime.

I don't like Nandos. If I went around thinking people that did like it they were vain because they ate it, I'd still be narrow-minded and unreasonable.

I didn't know they were called space buns, I call them raver buns (nineties girl).
The teacher is being unreasonable. They need to be specific if they're going to expect specifics. I'd carry on doing what you're doing, it's hot and buns keep it up and out of the way.

Make three plaits and then plait those three plaits. Should reduce the length quite a bit.

Send her in with a French PLEAT. It might take some doing, use the twist method if necessary. See what they say then. It's ridiculous. Usually girls just get told to plait it neatly and be careful not to hit anyone with it. They couldn't ask a Sikh child to cut their hair so they can't ask you either. It's four weeks, they need to get over it. You could try French Plait into a low (possibly plaited) bun. I used to wear my long hair like that.

BTW, I once saw a girl with two long low ponytail bunches have one dip into blue paint. It took ages to get out so I understand that two ponytail are a bad idea. Plaits are fine though!

I would just tell them to piss off. But I am THAT parent.

It would be a fuck off from me I’m afraid.

Can we see a picture of this wonderful hair please? Obviously from the back. It sounds beautiful!

Be careful how you go about this OP, my niece had hair past her hips and after my aunt told the complaining teacher where to go another student 'accidentally' cut 5" from one of the plaits.

Other student claims teacher told her to do it as a funny class prank, teacher denied it all and said children lie a lot. Student and DNiece were very good friends and had never previously been mean to each other or anyone else.

Schools seem to be on a power trip at the moment. As long as it’s neat and not gang related I think people should be able to wear their hair however they want. Imagine HR trying to tell an adult this!! To the previous person saying just cut it. Why should she? Just because she is a child doesn’t mean that someelse gets to arbitrarily dictate what happens to her body. It’s a consent issue.

Am slightly amazed that any teacher has time to be fussed over one child's hair. And I really don't think in the last 3 weeks of term for a Year 6 pupil this is a health and safety issue.

Plait it, don't plait it, you've got 3 weeks to go what are they going to do???
And for the record hair does not demonstrate character, it's just hair. I have a pixie cut - it's meaningless and it doesn't make me less vain than the next woman

This is utterly ridiculous and one of those time where a school has got it completely wrong and focusing completely on the wrong things. The rule is that long hair be tied back. Your dd has long, tied back hair. That should be the end of it. Don't pander to the school. She's only get a few more weeks there anyway. Just tie it back in a ponytail and that is fine. If the Head or teacher have an issue with this then they can approach you directly and you can ask them what they suggest. Don't cut her hair- her hair length is her business, not the school's.

To all of you who are saying they think that long hair should be cut or that they don't like long hair etc you all have a haircut/length/style or clothing choices, how would you feel if your perfectly respectable and manageable style choice were taken away from you just because someone else randomly decides very likely due to others jealousy

so for example your boss (who had no problem before) suddenly decides that you must alter your completely normal choice of hair or clothes or glasses etc after a few other women in the office complained that they didn't like them even though they had absolutely no bearing on how you do your work or how your perceived by everyone else except those few women? Would you change? I suspect not!

Fuck that!

I'd tell the school to jog the fuck on, CF's!!

You haven't got time to be pissing around doing fancy hairstyles to keep the school happy.

Send her in with hair bands and a brush.