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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and DD's hair

248 replies

upsideup · 27/06/2018 16:26

Uniform policy says long hair must be tied up out of the way and no extreme or fashion hairstyles. There are no examples or descriptions of what is considered an extreme/fashion hairstyle.

DD is year 6, has long, curly hair. For most of school so far it was just tied in a ponytail which by Y6 meant still had loose down to her bum, other girls complained that their hair down was still shorter than dd's up, teacher told us it was too long to just be put in a ponytail so we put it in 2 plaits, still went down to her bum but was secured tightly down her head and back out of the way. This was fine for 8+ months until another child purposely (but claimed accidentally) pulled her by her plaits on the playground and when the same child claimed she spun around a whipped him with her hair which apparently really hurt, teacher said they were still too long and getting in the way at school so we needed to change it. Other girls with longish hair(mid back) are still allowed their hair in plaits.

So for 3ish weeks we have been putting it in space buns (2 buns either side of her head), today we have been told that space buns are considered a fashion/extreme hairstyle and are not suitable for school. There really is too much hair to go into one bun and apart from cutting dd's hair which she is not prepared to do, we cant think of any other options. For secondary school her hair only needs to be up for sports and science and there are no rules on how its tied.

So AIBU to just keep sending her in with a a mixture of plaits and space buns for next few weeks with a note saying this is are only option until we get it cut but never actually get it cut? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

OP posts:
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8
yikesanotherbooboo · 27/06/2018 20:36

How utterly ridiculous and how unfair of the teacher/ school to be picking on your daughter about this. Whipping? !!!
Ask teacher what they want to happen and if it is reasonable go along with it if not pony tail and a written explanation to HT cc governors. Bonkers!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 27/06/2018 20:56

It's ridiculous. I'd put it in a pony tail and send a note in that it is in keeping with the school rules and isn't really your DD's issue that some of her classmates have a problem with the length of her hair.

BlueUggs · 27/06/2018 21:04

Ohhh, I'd be going for the craziest hairstyles you can find and posting photos on MN

Thingsthatgo · 27/06/2018 21:08

I used to do a plated sausage-shaped bun for ballet, a bunch of clips and one of those really fine bun nets. You should be able to put up any amount of hair like that, and it helps distribute the weight a bit.

MissVanjie · 27/06/2018 21:19

“t says to me that the woman is very interested in her looks. As a woman who barely wears make-up I find it a bit odd.”

As a woman who likes to express herself theough her appearance, including very long hair, i find your apathy a bit odd. I would never judge though as we’re all different and contain multitudes Smile

Tanaqui · 27/06/2018 21:34

I think it is very odd they haven’t other girls (as a Pp said, possibly Sikh or Plymouth brethren) with uncut hair (assuming you are not or would have said!). Some girls from the Indian subcontinent in particular have amazing long hair (and how can that be vain? Surely if it is a cultural norm it is the opposite of vain?)

LokiBear · 27/06/2018 21:37

Ask for a detailed explanation of how having her hair in buns affects her learning. Ride out until the end of term. Im a teacher and I think the primary school are being ridiculous.

peoplearemean · 27/06/2018 21:48

The school needs to deal with some real issues and stop singling out your daughter.
As someone with pretty big hair myself but not quite so much length the only other suggestion I have is a "mun" (mum bun) pony tail pulled through and left half up - at least it wouldn't flick although it may be pretty huge.

fifig87 · 27/06/2018 22:09

I cant believe a school cares enough about hair styles! My niece has fantastic straight blonde hair that covers her bum, she often has the ends coloured in hair chalk. School doesn't care.
Similarly in my dcs schools, hair style doesnt matter. Think they should be more worried about actual teaching than hair etc.

Your dds hair sounds gorgeous! I had hair to my bum when i was a child and its not fair off it now either.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/06/2018 22:21

It's just hair. Why such a fuss - just cut a couple of inches off

CheshireChat · 27/06/2018 22:46

A bit off topic, but would a school frown upon a boy having long hair?

DS is desperate to leave his hair to grow (he's at nursery still so it doesn't matter) and I wasn't sure he'd be allowed at school as well.

CheshireChat · 27/06/2018 22:47

Lethaldrizzle If it were just hair then a few inches up or down wouldn't matter in the slightest.

Auntieaunt · 27/06/2018 22:58

Could you do three french plaits and then plait the French plaits?

Unless it looks really untidy I can't image why the school is making such a big deal out of it. I guess look on the bright side that your DD school doesn't actually have real issues going on.

kittymamma · 27/06/2018 23:31

Just say no. When the teacher raises it again, be firm but polite. You are not discussing this any further. You will ensure your child's hair is suitably tied back and they can ensure that your child is safe at school and not having others intentionally pulling it. If she/he has any further issues please put it in writing and you will discuss it with the head and or govenors.

As a teacher myself there is no fucking way I would argue with you at this point. There is nothing more frightening than a parent that calls you out on nonsense rules. Especially at this time of the year when the countdown for the end of the year is on and given your child is about to leave.

MaisyPops · 27/06/2018 23:34

It's just hair. Why such a fuss - just cut a couple of inches off
Because school shouldn't be making the rules up as they go along because some whiny gits don't want to follow the rules.

School rule - long hair has to be tied up
OP and DD - ties long hair up and follows the rules
Other parents and DDs - boohoo my DC doesn't want their hair up so I'll complain and then target someone following the rules by (stupidly) complaining that child's long hair tied up is the same as my child wearing theirs down.

School - oh don't worry whiny gits. We'll tell the well behaved child that there's a different standard for her instead of telling them to stop whinging, tie their hair up and stop trying to feel hard done to.

They're making the OP's child follow additional rules because that makes it 'fair' when dealing with people complaining. The OP is following the rules already. School should simply shut down the discussion with the complainers and say 'long hair must be tied up. That's the rule. Follow it' instead of going after good children and supportive parents.

Sleepless123456789 · 27/06/2018 23:58

I had similar length hair at that age, and wore it wrapped around my head ('Heidi' style) which i found really comfy, particularly in the summer so it was off my neck / back so I didn't get so hot

Ohyesiam · 28/06/2018 00:03

Fuckng hell, they are draconian. I’m surprised the school has the time to put so much energy onto one head of hair.
I’d be tempted to back comb it.

Charmatt · 28/06/2018 00:10

My daughter's hair is down to her waist. This is a style I often do for her - it's a pulled through ponytail which is then split into 3, each plaited and then I plait the 3 plants. It shortens the look of her hair and the weight of the plant means it doesn't fly around.

School and DD's hair
Praisebe · 28/06/2018 00:14

Just cut her hair. Chances are if its that long it'll all be rats tails and dead ends towards the bottom anywayHmm your child isn't above the rules you know

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 28/06/2018 00:19

Some crazy responses on here!!! I'm nearly 40 with hair down to my bum. Vain? To have lost my hair to alopecia a decade ago, I'm damn proud to walk around with my mane! It's as much part of my journey and identity as the scars I carry on my body (not tattoos...operations, trauma, illness) and I know has restored others hope of recovery and survival. If that's vanity I'm the vainest in the village!

RideOn · 28/06/2018 00:53

They are now being ridiculous, especially near the end of year!

One side plait ? less flick potential
? Back to pony tail but put on one bobble. then a second but only half pull hair through so it is stuck in 1 large loop, then continue to wind the bobble.

I can't find a picture and I am not sure how to describe it better! I use it for quick trampoline hair!

RideOn · 28/06/2018 01:00

It's not that nice but it's quick!

School and DD's hair
MaisyPops · 28/06/2018 06:28

your child isn't above the rules you know
The OP was following the rules.
There's only been a recentnew request/rule for her DD since other parents complained about their DDs having to tie their mid length hair up, then all of a sudden having a plait touch you means one child should have a different rule.
The school is making rules up as it goes along to appease people who don't want to follow them by targeting people like the OP who are already following rules.

The school needs a backbone and needs to say 'hair longer than X is tied up, end of'.

ferrier · 28/06/2018 07:16

Vain? Odd? My there are some straitjacketed people on mumsnet. There have been two periods in my life when I had short hair. The first because my mum couldnt be bothered with long hair. The second because my dh preferred it. Both times I hated it - it was loads more work and it just didn't feel like me - so I grew it out as soon as possible.

It's just hair. Why such a fuss - just cut a couple of inches off

Why cut a few inches off for no good reason? How would you like it if I told you that you had to have a few inches off. Or that your hair had to be styled in a certain way?

Weezol · 28/06/2018 07:28

I think Amazing has it. Email the head with and ask where you can find the policy on acceptable hairstyles as class teacher seems unclear and is confuding both you and your daughter.