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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and DD's hair

248 replies

upsideup · 27/06/2018 16:26

Uniform policy says long hair must be tied up out of the way and no extreme or fashion hairstyles. There are no examples or descriptions of what is considered an extreme/fashion hairstyle.

DD is year 6, has long, curly hair. For most of school so far it was just tied in a ponytail which by Y6 meant still had loose down to her bum, other girls complained that their hair down was still shorter than dd's up, teacher told us it was too long to just be put in a ponytail so we put it in 2 plaits, still went down to her bum but was secured tightly down her head and back out of the way. This was fine for 8+ months until another child purposely (but claimed accidentally) pulled her by her plaits on the playground and when the same child claimed she spun around a whipped him with her hair which apparently really hurt, teacher said they were still too long and getting in the way at school so we needed to change it. Other girls with longish hair(mid back) are still allowed their hair in plaits.

So for 3ish weeks we have been putting it in space buns (2 buns either side of her head), today we have been told that space buns are considered a fashion/extreme hairstyle and are not suitable for school. There really is too much hair to go into one bun and apart from cutting dd's hair which she is not prepared to do, we cant think of any other options. For secondary school her hair only needs to be up for sports and science and there are no rules on how its tied.

So AIBU to just keep sending her in with a a mixture of plaits and space buns for next few weeks with a note saying this is are only option until we get it cut but never actually get it cut? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

OP posts:
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DieSchottin93 · 27/06/2018 19:15

Can you just clip it up out of the way? I have air almost down to my bum (albeit fine and straight, but there is a lot of it) and I use something like this to keep my hair out of the way at work. I just put it in a ponytail and sort of twist it in on itself and then it stays in place all day. The one I've linked to has little rubbery bits of the claws for better grip as well.

PorkFlute · 27/06/2018 19:22

I agree that since they are being so picky you need to ask specifically what style is allowed.

Original poster
upsideup · 27/06/2018 19:28

Thankyou for the replies. Im torn between just letting her put it up in a quick ponytail tomorrow like the other slightly shorter haired girls are allowed to do and getting up an hour earlier to help her put it in be it in the most extreme and detailed hairstyle we can find online.
I'm definately not cutting dd's hair, she doesnt want it cut and its her hair and its much more important to me that she knows I respect that.
Its takes her no more than 5 minutes to do a ponytail/space buns or she spent 15 minutes doing the french plaits before bed and keeps them in for the next day. She deals with her hair mostly herself, sometimes me or DH will help her wash and comb if gets really knotty but we are happy to do that. Also at the length and thickness it is now her curls are more like waves and much more manageable for her than when she had had shorter tighter curls.

OP posts:
rosesandflowers1 · 27/06/2018 19:31

Im torn between just letting her put it up in a quick ponytail tomorrow like the other slightly shorter haired girls are allowed to do and getting up an hour earlier to help her put it in be it in the most extreme and detailed hairstyle we can find online.

I'd do the second one Grin And then when if the school complains, be very direct about it and say unless they have any suggestions, it'll be a ponytail.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/06/2018 19:31

And I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain

SadieHH · 27/06/2018 19:36

Oh FFS really? Growing your hair long makes you vain?

Frusso · 27/06/2018 19:39

But actually, little girls with hair that makes it physically harder for them to live their lives, takes up time, gives them stuff to worry about, makes me feel a bit...ick.

Why not high heeled shoes? or a corset?

What total bollocks. OPs daughter would have nothing to worry about if she wasn't being bullied by girls with shorter hair and a teacher that's an idiot.
That doesn't mean OPs daughter should get her hair cut to appease other people.

I have 2 dds. One with very long thick hair and one with a bob. I can assure you that the one with the shorter hair takes longer to style and manage her hair than the one with long hair that can be tied back.
Absolutely nothing about having long hair makes it physically harder to live their lives! That is probably the most ridiculous comment I have ever heard.

Oxfordblue · 27/06/2018 19:40

I'd tell them to bugger off!

I wonder if the hair puller is jealous?

Leave her beautiful hair tied in a low pony as before & suggest they had a word with the other spoilt girl.

GummyGoddess · 27/06/2018 19:42

Society has always judged looks, people have been spending time on their appearance for literally thousand of years! Stone age people were decorating their bodies and hair, it isn't a modern phenomenon.

rosesandflowers1 · 27/06/2018 19:45

I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain

This reminds me of that thread where so many people were judging that Instagram influencer - Tammy Hembrow on her appearance Sad

I think it's disgusting how pervasive judging women/girls on their appearance still is. If she had very short hair, middle length hair, curly hair, straight hair, red hair, blonde hair, brown hair somebody would have something to say about it.

I can't wait for the day where women can wear and look how they like without illogical and misogynistic judgements like this.

MaisyPops · 27/06/2018 19:46

And I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain
What bollocks.
My hair takes longer to style short than when it was longer.
But sure you can tell a lot about someone's personality by their hair length Grin

Lethaldrizzle · 27/06/2018 19:50

It says to me that the woman is very interested in her looks. As a woman who barely wears make-up I find it a bit odd.

ScreamingValenta · 27/06/2018 19:50

I love really long hair on women! Sadly, mine has a natural extent of the middle of my back. If I could grow it down to my bum, I certainly would.

Walkerbean16 · 27/06/2018 19:52

I'd just ignore. There are three weeks left!

There is a girl on my DSs class whose hair, even when french plaited, touches the floor! It's amazing!

goingatlast · 27/06/2018 19:53

Slightly off topic but why are space buns considered to be an extreme hairstyle? I read a thread on here a while ago where a stepmother was told not to put her stepdaughter's hair in space buns because they were too 'old' for her. Surely space buns are for little girls and not adults. Maybe I'm missing something? Can anyone explain?

rosesandflowers1 · 27/06/2018 19:54

It says to me that the woman is very interested in her looks.

On the contrary, couldn't it also say that she couldn't be bothered to cut it?

Or that, when she goes to the hairdresser, she asks for two inches off and not six?

Or - God forbid - she just likes her hair long?

Let's face it - hair length says absolutely nothing to you. It just happens to fit into the original stereotype of a woman and is as such associated with qualities like vanity.

elfycat · 27/06/2018 20:06

Lethaldrizzle I have long hair (in my 40s Shock ) and I don't wear make up often, maybe half a dozen times a year.

You're telling me that I'm vain? A fat 40 year old with long white streaked hair is vain?

EBearhug · 27/06/2018 20:08

I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain

Mine is long because I can't be arsed to do anything with it or have it cut frequently. I don't wear make-up because I can't be arsed either.

I'm sure some people are vain about their hair,as we're all different, but we're definitely not all.

Original poster
upsideup · 27/06/2018 20:10

And I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain
It says to me that the woman is very interested in her looks.

What? If there is any correlation between being vain and hair length which I dont believe there is then its the other way round.
DD1 at this age had a short bob and fringe which had to be perfect and symetrical at all times, the buzzcut she got at 14 needed cutting weekly. DD2 isnt interested in getting her haircut in cool styles, shes not interested in bangs or layers, she likes it long and natural and would happily never go to the hairdressers.
Same with my DS's, 8y/o wants the perfect fade and has loads of styling products and 4y/o has hair down to his midback that was only trimmed for the first time last week which he hated, he isnt the slightest bit interested in any of the haircuts we any shape we have offered him.
They are all lovely and not at all 'vain' but the ones with long hair are much less interested in their appearances than the two with short hair

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2018 20:11

I googled complicated braided hairstyles. There are some interesting styles. I’d be having fun with this if you’re nifty with plaiting.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/06/2018 20:12

No fair enough. These are just my personal impressions which I realise may be a little off kilter. I just don't like it. I can't help it!

speakout · 27/06/2018 20:14

The school are in the wrong but personally I couldn't be arsed with my DD having such long hair.

Down to "her bum" must be tedious- swimming, washing, drying, combing etc time, tugs tears.

My DD has always had long hair- a dancer- but to the bottom of the shoulder blades is enough to enjoy the long hair thing without it being cumbersome.

Even if the school didn't complain I'd be enouraging DD to have a trim.

GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 20:16

It's nearly summer holidays, don't cut it, they'll live with it for another few weeks.

As others have said French plaits are good for taking up hair!

YolandiFuckinVisser · 27/06/2018 20:30

A girl in DD's class (year 6) was suspended for a week because she had an undercut on one side. I can't believe any kind of hairstyle is so extreme it actually has an effect on the child's ability to learn.

Jengnr · 27/06/2018 20:34

I’d go to town on this. I love a crusade and the school’s stance on this is utterly ridiculous.

I’m torn between going all official, writing to head and Governors and asking for detailed clarification, nitpicking every non specific clause until they have painted themselves into their ridiculous corner, then picking out every child in the school who does conform to these rigid guidelines and demanding they be followed uniformly or dropped

OR

I would have some fun with outlandish styles. She has 17 days left, even if they send her home every day (which they won’t) it isn’t going to have much impact on her.

If you go the second route maybe start with as many buns as you can get in her head. Perhaps a bit of sparkle in each?

Last week, dip dye it pink.