School and DD's hair

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Uniform policy says long hair must be tied up out of the way and no extreme or fashion hairstyles. There are no examples or descriptions of what is considered an extreme/fashion hairstyle.

DD is year 6, has long, curly hair. For most of school so far it was just tied in a ponytail which by Y6 meant still had loose down to her bum, other girls complained that their hair down was still shorter than dd's up, teacher told us it was too long to just be put in a ponytail so we put it in 2 plaits, still went down to her bum but was secured tightly down her head and back out of the way. This was fine for 8+ months until another child purposely (but claimed accidentally) pulled her by her plaits on the playground and when the same child claimed she spun around a whipped him with her hair which apparently really hurt, teacher said they were still too long and getting in the way at school so we needed to change it. Other girls with longish hair(mid back) are still allowed their hair in plaits.

So for 3ish weeks we have been putting it in space buns (2 buns either side of her head), today we have been told that space buns are considered a fashion/extreme hairstyle and are not suitable for school. There really is too much hair to go into one bun and apart from cutting dd's hair which she is not prepared to do, we cant think of any other options. For secondary school her hair only needs to be up for sports and science and there are no rules on how its tied.

So AIBU to just keep sending her in with a a mixture of plaits and space buns for next few weeks with a note saying this is are only option until we get it cut but never actually get it cut? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

Sounds like the other children are making a big deal about your DD's hair and the teacher is pandering to them. Teacher should have shut that down long ago as your DD's hair is clearly within the school rules.

I think Amazing has it. Email the head with and ask where you can find the policy on acceptable hairstyles as class teacher seems unclear and is confusing both you and your daughter

This is exactly what I did when similar happened to us with my son. He was impossibly curly hair, the school don't want boys with very short cuts but it needs to be tidy. DS1 kept coming home saying he wanted to straighten his hair !!! then one day burst out crying saying the teacher sent him to the toilet to sort "his untidy hair out" and all the boys were making fun of him.

I was furious! It's the sort of hair the more you brush/comb the worse it gets. I emailed the teacher and she just replied with a copy of the school rules, which wound me up even more so I went straight to the head and never heard a breath since. Son's hair was never a problem before or after that teacher and he is 12 now and has moved his fair share of schools and teachers!!!!

The school is being ridiculous.

Totally! I kind of get crazy colours and the like but people complaining about her hair being too long when tied back? I'm so annoyed on your behalf!!!What do other people you know think?

How would the op have the time though to do all these fancy hair styles?

I second that, I'd say go in and talk to them and ask them what they would do and don't tell them she's getting her hair cut to keep them happy. Why should she have to? If she normally wears in a pony tail tell them that and watch out for that child-she sounds like a trouble maker. Sorry OP.

Oh and what blackeyes said too!!!

It says to me that the woman is very interested in her looks. As a woman who barely wears make-up I find it a bit odd.

What a crazy sentiment! I wear no makeup at all. Haven't done since I was a teenager. I have long hair (currently with rather grey roots as it's been weeks since I got round to dying it). I wash it and brush it and let it dry naturally. It is normally down or I use a single clip at the back to hold it in a quick twist. I can promise you that the way I look is at the bottom of my list of worries! I just can't be bothered to get a haircut - it was last done 18 months ago. I had a bob as a teenager that needed cutting every 6 weeks and I even used to use a hairdryer and straighteners on it!

Let the kid have a plain plait and tell school to suck it up!

Oh and my Niece has bum length hair. It isn't tedious but it does live in a plait. She washes it and plaits it and it stays in and gets rebrushed and re-plaited every morning. It rarely is allowed out of the plait as it then gets knotty. She'd be devastated to have to cut it.

I think the teacher is being a bit daft for the sake of 2 and a bit weeks. Is it actually a health and safety risk? If not then they need to sssh!

I hardly think space buns (my daughter calls them door knockers!) are extreme at all. Not a weird colour or mile high mohican so why the fuss. Maybe there is some hair envy from others in the class.

For balance my 16yo has waist length thick straight hair and is a qualified mechanic - hair goes in a plait then a bun for work as it is a safety risk under cars. Other than that she does as she likes.

But why would a child 'be devastated to have it cut'? Why put so much emphasis on something that is essentially just an feminine adornment. There's so much more to life!

By the sounds of it LethalDrizzle, you wouldn't want long hair as you find it odd/vain/whatever else. How would you like it if you were told you had to grow your hair to waist length? You'd hate it, because it's not how you want to look and YOU don't like it.

OP's DD doesn't want her hair shorter and she finds it more manageable long (I can understand this as my hair behaves better with more weight in it).

Her hair has been compliant with the school rules all along, until they started trying to come up with extra rules just for her.

If it was my dd is be persuading her to cut it and donate it to charity like this
www.littleprincesses.org.uk/information/

school is being ridiculous, since when is two plaits not acceptable as tidy and sorted hair.

in fact, since when has a pony tail not been? I find it very weird, that someone complained on the basis that their hair was longer than dds when dds was up. And? Long hair in a pony tail is still long. The requirement is surely that it is out of the way, eg not trialing in food/science experiments/paint.

A tidy pony tail down the centre of her back is fine.
I would not have tolerated buns as a kid, they were always too heavy.

I would send a not eto head, similar to your op, finishing with

"we are at a loss to know which hair style is acceptable? Please advise, bearing in mind that not all styles are comfortable or doable on a school morning"

It's appalling how women and girls are judged and berated no matter what you do. What's so wrong with a women having long hair without it being "vain". Or even a women wearing makeup if she enjoyed it. Shouldn't we just be doing what makes us happy instead of pandering to every one else? At the same time women who don't wear makeup or care about hair are often referred to as "unkempt" and "doesn't take pride in her appearance". It does just feel like you can't win sometimes. A 10 year old girl liking to have really long hair is really not a big deal.. yadnbu

And I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain

Oh, yeah? Again, utter bollocks. How often do you go to the hairdresser? I don't go for years at a time. I cut the split ends out of my below waist length hair and do my own fringe with my late mother's professional hairdressing scissors. I don't dye it and I only wear make up a couple of times a year. So just the fact that I can't be arsed primping it and spending time and money going to the hairdresser makes me vain?!😂 Try thinking logically.

If it was my dd is be persuading her to cut it and donate it to charity like this
www.littleprincesses.org.uk/information/

So you'd be encouraging your daughter to ignore her own preferences in her appearance and pander to others' views? Way to raise a woman who thinks her own views, particularly on her appearance, are of no importance. What next, high heels make her a slut because of what others think?

If it was my dd is be persuading her to cut it and donate it to charity like this
www.littleprincesses.org.uk/information/

So you are ok with girls having long hair provided that it's a wig? That is somehow not vain? It's completely ok to encourage a child who likes their hair and who is comfortable with how it appears to have it chopped off against their will in order to make another little girl happy?

Very odd way of thinking. I find it a bit "ick" to be honest.

No one should have to adapt their appearance to deal with another persons own issues/jealousy/judgey attitude. If you have a problem with it it's YOUR problem, not the problem of the child or woman who has long hair. Long hair = vain is a very distorted way of thinking.

Agree with the heidi option, also try hair in pigtails high on the head, then plait the pigtail and loop back up so you have a loop of plait.

Many years ago this was the hairstyle all girls at White Lodge had (according to someone I was at uni with who had attended) so it can't be classed as extreme.

picture 11 in the link

hairstylemonkey.co.in/indian-hairstyles-for-oily-hair/

Shady lady the hair is for wigs for children who have lost their hair through illness. Nothing 'ick' about it - I'm pretty sure they will not be supplying waist length wigs!

Tell them they are being completely ludicrous and to give their heads a wobble. Her hair is out of her way and neat, that is literally all the concern they should have. Other children being jealous of how long it is neither here nor there. If a ponytail is good enough for them, it's good enough for your DD. Tell them if they keep badgering her in this ridiculous way over something so remarkably trivial instead of concentrating on her education then you will make a complaint of harassment to the board of governors.

Lethal...I have donated to the charity. I know full well what it does. They FREQUENTLY donate waist length or longer wigs. Look at the pictures of recipients...I can't recall ever seeing a bob wig!

I wasn't for a second suggesting that the charity was ick. I was using a comment that was made earlier in the thread about girls with long hair being "ick" to make the point that it's very odd that you are fine with a child being encouraged (or forced) to have their long hair cut off against their will and given to ANOTHER child so they can have long hair because YOU find long hair to be vain.

So many threads at the moment about rules for the hell of it. Really depressing. Long hair tied back I get. No "Extreme/fashion" hairstyles (which really means any hairstyles I don't personally like) is a ridiculous rule with no purpose. I can't see any logic in schools getting het up about this stuff. Something like plaits wrapped up seems your only option, though I liked the dance style one.

And I especially don't like really long hair on women, it just looks kind of vain

It says to me that the woman is very interested in her looks. As a woman who barely wears make-up I find it a bit odd

How can you not wearing much make up make you unable to understand someone might like long hair

Sent DD in with two french plaits today, like we were doing before and other girls in her class are still allowed to do. DS who is in Y4 said theres a girl in his class with hair longer than dd's who normally just has it in two pigtails, his teacher has never complained as her hair is tied so following rules.
I dont think my dd is above the rules, we have been following the rules everyday for the last 4 years making sure her hair is tied.

Long hair takes much less in the way of day to day styling. One of my DD's has waist length, wavy hair. She's at the age where she spends 90% of her time in a sulk with me, during those times she washes, conditions, oils her hair and plaits it down her back while still damp where it stays until she next washes it. If she is speaking to me, she asks me to blow dry it for her and puts a space bun in the top half and leaves the bottom curly, again it stays that way until it is washed again. Other DD has a chin length bob, with a shaved undercut, so considerably less hair than her sister in both length and volume and oh my god the drama, the products, the tools, the time... She's always been conscious of her appearance but her shoulder length hair was much less traumatic to my wallet and patience than her bob is.

OP, I could point you to loads of hairstyles but I have a feeling they'll all be somehow wrong in the eyes of school. In your shoes I'd smile, nod and carry on as I was. It's only a few weeks until the end of term, what can they do?

Or tell them she has an appointment to get it cut but you couldn't get in until first day of the holidays.

Personally I'd only allow a 10 / 11 yr old to have hair they could manage.

But with 3 weeks left of term, I wouldn't be pandering to the other children at school.

Personally I'd only allow a 10 / 11 yr old to have hair they could manage.

But with 3 weeks left of term, I wouldn't be pandering to the other children at school.