School and DD's hair

[upsideup]

Uniform policy says long hair must be tied up out of the way and no extreme or fashion hairstyles. There are no examples or descriptions of what is considered an extreme/fashion hairstyle.

DD is year 6, has long, curly hair. For most of school so far it was just tied in a ponytail which by Y6 meant still had loose down to her bum, other girls complained that their hair down was still shorter than dd's up, teacher told us it was too long to just be put in a ponytail so we put it in 2 plaits, still went down to her bum but was secured tightly down her head and back out of the way. This was fine for 8+ months until another child purposely (but claimed accidentally) pulled her by her plaits on the playground and when the same child claimed she spun around a whipped him with her hair which apparently really hurt, teacher said they were still too long and getting in the way at school so we needed to change it. Other girls with longish hair(mid back) are still allowed their hair in plaits.

So for 3ish weeks we have been putting it in space buns (2 buns either side of her head), today we have been told that space buns are considered a fashion/extreme hairstyle and are not suitable for school. There really is too much hair to go into one bun and apart from cutting dd's hair which she is not prepared to do, we cant think of any other options. For secondary school her hair only needs to be up for sports and science and there are no rules on how its tied.

So AIBU to just keep sending her in with a a mixture of plaits and space buns for next few weeks with a note saying this is are only option until we get it cut but never actually get it cut? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

Wow! Sorry but I find the school's obsessions with hairdos ridiculous and quite depressing.

OP seeing that they are the ones setting the restrictive but subjective rules, they should tell you what in their view constitutes an appropriate hairdo.

What do they want??
I would carry on as you have been.

Bun on top is awful!

My boys get their hair cuts dictated too.

I'd do two plaits, wrapped round and pinned. As a PP said, like Heidi. I don't think that's as extreme as space buns.

I would ask them what hairstyle they want your DD to have, making it clear that you are not prepared to cut it.

Agree. They are trying to force you to cut it.

I would also ask the school to inform you of a hairstyle that they think is appropriate. They are trying to get you to cut it (which they definitely cant inisist on) sound like a bunch of jobsworths tbh. I too think they are making too bigger deal of this than needed. Throwing weight around that they haven't got.

Will look up and try some of these suggestions. But dd has been doing the space buns fine on her own and anything new I am going to have to learn and assist with.

They want you to cut her hair. Go with the French plait and roll up, or plait from right around the front, then French plait, then roll up.

This is bonkers. Who's running that school, the teachers or the kids whinging about everything? Some kids whinge that her hair is longer up than theirs down and they give that the time of day?! And unless she's medusa I can't imagine her plait hitting someone was worthy of much notice either.

Why not a low bun at the nape of her neck?

Pressuredrip why should she have it cut if she doesn't want to? We're not talking a trim, she's need tons cut off.
Perhaps we should just tell anyone under 16 it has to be a crew cut

Vaguely off topic, but I was watching My Girl last night and she had her hair plaited and then, so it looked, folded back onto her head. Was that just a normal plait held up with pins, or something else? I'd love to try it.

It is just dd's teacher saying all of this, I dont know if long french plaits and space buns are allowed in other classes.

I think the school are being really daft. Mine had hair down to her bum no-one else 'complained' about that - bloody ridiculous!

If she's in Y6 then I would, if you've got the time, do a different style each day - fish plait, more than 2 braids (DD had 6 one time), a ponytail with smaller plaits, a bun, etc.

Play it out and have fun planning and executing styles as there's not much left of term.

It sounds like other girls are jealous of DDs hair.

I agree you should ask them what style they think you should put it in, bearing in mind you are absolutely not going to cut it.

In the meantime just send her in with a variety of styles, it's only a few more days/weeks of this lunacy.

I'm with pressure. Just get it cut. Not short, just not so long. If other girls hair down is as long as hers is up there's plenty of wiggle room. You're being more rigid than the school by the sounds of it.

Christ, just get her hair cut. I don't know why some people are so precious about keeping hair so long. It must take her and you absolutely ages to manage it.

this. And if it's curly and down to her bum, it must be down to her knees in reality. Get it cut.

Wow! Sorry but I find the school's obsessions with hairdos ridiculous and quite depressing

Indeed! Good thing she's only got a few days left there.

I hate schools that obsess about stupid rules, when there are far more important things they should be thinking about.

The school sound highly unreasonable about the ponytail.

The purpose of tying it back is to keep it out of her face when she is working or running about. Whether it’s still longer than anyone else’s is completely irrelevant.

However given (their ridiculous) position I’m not sure I’d argue the toss at this point in her final year.

Two plaits joined at the ends.
One plait looped up at the nape of her neck.
Two plaits looped up on either side.

Are you sure you can’t make it go into a normal bun? I had waist length, very thick hair as a teenager and could get a bun to stay in through hours of dance class.

Try putting in a ponytail, plaiting it or twisting it and then pinning into a bun. Kirby grips aren’t any use, you need to use long pins like the attached picture.

School are being idiots.

Do the bunches and space buns perhaps a little further at the back of the head but plait them first then it becomes an acceptable dance hairstyle. A bit like this but without braiding on the head first unless you find that easy.

Why should op force her 10/11 yo to have her hair cut against hee will for the sakes of 3 weeks and an irrational teacher

It is just dd's teacher saying all of this,

Easily solved then. Quick, polite note to the Head asking for policy and querying why ponytail isn’t acceptable.

I think you’ll find a ponytail is absolutely fine.

You have more patience than me, I would have told the school no changes after the first pony tail objection, definitely after the plaits complaint!

Some of these rules are not thought out, I accidentally called a little boy about seven years old "she" (he didn't hear me thankfully) when chatting to his Mum. She said it happened all the time, he had soft twist afro hair, so a biracial child with natural hair, the school had a rule of pony tails and insisted he wear one too, even though his style was appropriate for his hair and he was the only child put in this position. The Mum said they were absolutely not cutting his hair!

Why does it matter that other girls are complaining about another girl's style... shouldn't they be telling the girls not to complain about irrelevant things, not to comment on the way another child looks and to be thoughtful. Also hair tied back is not the same as hair down, hygiene, safety, style, everything! Shouldn't they be dealing with the complaining girls and addressing attitudes rather than asking a child who is following the rules to change?

The styles mentioned are lovely, but are you expected to do a full wedding bride style on a child every morning?! I can barely get a brush through mine:)

Why are they objecting the the two top buns? Why am I so bothered when this isn't my child... this does bother me though! It seems unfairly directed at one child and they are repeatedly hassling you, I don't like it

I'd go for a low bun, or a plait if you can do them (I can't so they could forget that from me!) or whatever you want. If a child shows up clean, cared for and with their clothes on not inside out, I call that a success!

Yes send a note saying these are options according to the rules, you are attempting to accommodate the repeated requests but would prefer your child is not disturbed by this any more and perhaps it would be more helpful to discuss good manners with children complaining and singling out another child, or pulling hair!

Or if you're not as randomly bothered by this as I am, I'll write it for you if you want:)

The school are being ridiculous, the only requirement is that it should be back from her face and it is. Ask them what they want that isn’t cutting it. It’s only a few more weeks anyway.

Though I had bum length hair at that age and I definitely whipped my plaits at someone more than once

Sounds like the other children are jealous of your dd's hair and is trying to cause a fuss by complaining as much as they can

I would do two French plaits and then loop them back up like Heidi

If they still aren't satisfied with that, arrange a meeting with the headteacher and find out wtf you are supposed to do