School and DD's hair

[upsideup]

Uniform policy says long hair must be tied up out of the way and no extreme or fashion hairstyles. There are no examples or descriptions of what is considered an extreme/fashion hairstyle.

DD is year 6, has long, curly hair. For most of school so far it was just tied in a ponytail which by Y6 meant still had loose down to her bum, other girls complained that their hair down was still shorter than dd's up, teacher told us it was too long to just be put in a ponytail so we put it in 2 plaits, still went down to her bum but was secured tightly down her head and back out of the way. This was fine for 8+ months until another child purposely (but claimed accidentally) pulled her by her plaits on the playground and when the same child claimed she spun around a whipped him with her hair which apparently really hurt, teacher said they were still too long and getting in the way at school so we needed to change it. Other girls with longish hair(mid back) are still allowed their hair in plaits.

So for 3ish weeks we have been putting it in space buns (2 buns either side of her head), today we have been told that space buns are considered a fashion/extreme hairstyle and are not suitable for school. There really is too much hair to go into one bun and apart from cutting dd's hair which she is not prepared to do, we cant think of any other options. For secondary school her hair only needs to be up for sports and science and there are no rules on how its tied.

So AIBU to just keep sending her in with a a mixture of plaits and space buns for next few weeks with a note saying this is are only option until we get it cut but never actually get it cut? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

In your place I would make increasingly extreme hairstyles a different one each day just to wind the teacher up culminating with hair down and hair brush with hair bands and pins on the last day.

@Racecardriver I would do exactly the same.
Although dds school are happy for her bum length hair to be in a basic pony tail.

school is ridiculous.

But actually, little girls with hair that makes it physically harder for them to live their lives, takes up time, gives them stuff to worry about, makes me feel a bit...ick.

Why not high heeled shoes? or a corset?

I can't see why you wouldn't just cut her hair on principle- little children should not be spending all that time on their appearance, especially little girls, especially in this pernicious, consumer driven culture we live in which constantly tells us all to value only our appearance.

It's your job to protect her from that OP, not contribute to it.

Rosy I agree really long hair is a bit odd

Rosy a plait or a pony tail takes a matter of minutes.

My DD has long hair and it doesn’t take up any more time than her brother’s short hair.

I had waist length hair all my childhood and it never stopped me from doing anything!

Look at it this way, why in a society which judges women so harshly should the OP’s little girl be told she should cut her hair to make other people feel better?

In my minimal contact with schools (two 16 yo DS) I have found schools to raise problems... but not have a solution to offer. I'd talk to them and say, ok I'm not prepared to cut it but what styles would be acceptable and see what they come up with.

used to have waist length curly hair/the job i had needed it to be out of the way
no stupid school rules invoved
a friend did this and it was comfortable and very pretty/takea a little practice but she would be a one of a kind-its called a navajo bun there may be better tuttorials this is the first i found

ps-a simple plain scarf works great

Send her in with it in a ponytail. along with a letter to say if they have any issues with her hair, they would need to officially exclude her.
They are being arsey! And I work in a school!

non-extreme hair style suggestion

Wasn't going to comment until I read RosyPrimrose's comment (love the name by the way - readin those stories to Dd2 at the moment.)
Dd1 (age 9) has waist length hair. She swims, surfs, dances and plays cricket every week. None of these things are prevented by having long hair.
She likes how it looks, yes. But it doesn't take up time. We wash it after surfing and swimming. Apart from that, it takes seconds to brush and tie back. She certainly doesn't spend any time worrying about her appearance - we don't have any make up in the house, for example, as I don't own any, so she doesn't spend "all that time" on her appearance, messing about playing with that, or putting nail varnish on. She would happily go out with stained clothing, or clothes with holes in (and sometimes does if we are planning on dog walking with a bit of tree climbing thrown in).
Having long hair does not equate to worrying about what other people think. She has long hair because SHE likes it. For that matter, I also have waist length hair. Because I like it. I spend most of my life in jeans and walking boots/wellies - I am not remotely bothered by what someone else thinks of my hair.
So maybe, just maybe, the Ops daughter isn't conforming to society's idea of anything. Maybe she's doing what she wants, looking the way she wants. Which surely is exactly the message we want to be giving our daughters.

Look at it this way, why in a society which judges women so harshly should the OP’s little girl be told she should cut her hair to make other people feel better?

This in spades ^

What would the school do if your daughter was following Sikhism and therefore did not cut her hair for religious reasons? I'd ask them that........

I'm a teacher and find this very strange! I would write to the governors and question the uniform policy. Tell the that it doesn't make it clear what an extreme hairstyle is therefore you are going to carry on with the plaits untill it is rewritten and clear. They'll soon change their tune. It's a big job to rewrite school policies. Hopefully they'll just leave you alone for the next few weeks then.

But actually, little girls with hair that makes it physically harder for them to live their lives, takes up time, gives them stuff to worry about, makes me feel a bit...ick.
little children should not be spending all that time on their appearance

What utter rot! So girls should all have generic short hair to please everyone else? Girls should be able to have whatever hairstyle they chose, its their hair and unless it contravenes work safety then others can get over it. Its not ops dd's job to make people feel good about themselves by changing her own image to suit them.

I had long hair all my childhood and it never made me feel "ick" and it didnt take up my time either. I didnt spend any more time than it took to brush it out in the morning and either leave it or put it up in a ponytail. There were no stupid rules about hair when I was at school apart from high school science classes. Nobody batted an eyelid about your hair.

My son had long hair all through nursery and most of primary, not once did they tell him to get it cut. He suited it and many parents of kids he went to nursery with came up and asked me not to have it cut for primary as he suited it so well! It was cut when he wanted it cut.
FFS its hair not something that affects anyone else.

How ridiculous! It does sound like jealousy (which the teacher is pandering to) so, while it sounds like a pain in the ass, I'd send her in with one of the really gorgeous hairstyles suggested on the thread and see how they cope with that

Failing that, just be direct. "I will be sending [DD] in ponytails/plaits/space buns until the end of the school year as we would rather she didn't spend inordinate amounts of time on elaborate hairstyles to fit your policies when she should be getting ready for school. Of course if you have any practical suggestions we are open to them."

Definitely don't get it cut! She shouldn't have to modify her appearance to appease ludicrous policies or petty teachers/students!

Sounds like your daughters teacher has an issue. Stuff them OP, do what you want with her hair they can't dictate styles.

When I was at school my IT teacher hated my long hair with a passion, always wanting me to pull it away from my face as she didn't like me hiding behind it. I was about 15 at the time. I remember once we actually argued as she tried to tie it up with an elastic band! Those do not go well in hair.

I had this sort of hair and it struggled with a bum for ballet until teacher suggested high pony, split into 2 and each half plaited, then the plaits put up into one bun, kind of wrapped round each other. And absolutely pins, not grips!

Hahahahaha! Bun! My bum was ok for ballet, I think.

albergoleondoro.net/357_braided_hair_bow/

Please OP.... On the last day of school, can your DD create a giant jojo bow hairstyle?

My rule for DD is, if she can’t sort her hair out then it will be cut to a length that she can deal with. OPs DD is Y6 and also deals with her own hair, what part of that means she is a little girl with hair that’s ick. Very strange post rosy - primary school is precisely the time to have ridiculously long hair to whip around before you grow up and absolutely not comparable to a corset or heels!

I used to have hair long enough to sit on, wavy and very thick. I sometimes used to split it into 3, or even 5, pony tails, plait each one and then twist each plait into a small bun, pinned to the back of my head.

Took bloody ages and made my arms ache, though.

I'd have some sport with this ridiculous teacher and do it in a different style every day.

verbena is that a flower bun? High pony. 2 plaits. Do one plait slightly bigger than the other. Wrap the smaller plait into a bun first and pin, fluff out the second plait, wrap around the first plait and pin. Looks amazing!!

The teacher should be telling the moaning girls to get over it, not telling you your dd's hair is too long. If it was constantly in her face then fair enough but it's not. I'd carry on with the double plaits and if the teacher says anything else I'd ask to speak to the head.

As for those saying just cut her hair, why should she? At 10/11 she's old enough to decide how she wants her hair as long as she can look after it herself, which it sounds like she can. Why should she have to cave to peer pressure (at best) and bullying (at worst) because other girls moan that theirs isn't as long?

My 10yo dd has always had long hair through choice. She asked for it cutting from mid back to shoulder length once when she was 4. After two days she was crying because she wanted her long hair back and, barring the odd trim, hasn't had her hair cut since. It's now about 1" above her bum and very thick and she loves it. It takes 5 minutes to brush and tie up on a morning, 10 minutes of she wants a plait. She can brush, plait and tie it up herself if she needs to so no way am I going to make her cut it. She has it long on condition that she looks after her hair so it doesn't get in the way at school and doesn't look scraggly. So far she's stuck to it because she loves it being long.

Christ, just get her hair cut. I don't know why some people are so precious about keeping hair so long. It must take her and you absolutely ages to manage it.

Absolute ignorant bollocks. I have hair below my waist and it takes less than five minutes to do for work - far less than all the people who wash/dry/straighten/primp. I used to put it up to naval dress standards in around three minutes - low ponytail with hair elastic, plait it and fix with hair elastic, coil it round, cover with bun net and fix with hair pins (NOT kirbys). Some of the blokes took longer with their gelling etc.

Altiara I don’t think it was as fancy as that, but that does sound fab!