Friend slapped daughter hard

[Daffodildainty]

Some friends were visiting from another country. Last night there was a mix up about the arrangements and I went out of the restaurant to meet my friend and her daughter - a 19 year old uni student . They were arguing on the pavement and as we entered the venue With me walking ahead of them I glimpsed my friend slap her daughter really hard across the face - I continued inside and eventually my friend arrived without her daughter who had returned to the hotel. She mentioned the slap but said her daughter had called her a name and pinched her hard to which she retaliated. I said it was not a good situation but took the cowards way out and didn’t tell her how shocking it was. We continued the evening. I feel badly for not intervening WWUD?

My DM pulled my hair really hard and unexpectedly on Monday, maybe I should have slapped her round the face rather than shouting 'ow, what are you doing, don't pull my hair!'.

(she was trying to pull the loose hairs out, if you were wondering)

Seriously people, if your first response to being pinched is to slap someone round the face, you've got ishoos.

I never said I would do it. just that its pretty much normal from what I see. No one said anything to the woman on the bus so where are all these people who would intervene?

its only on the internet I see people so against smacking.

Fuck me where do YOU live? Sounds smashing...

People are justifying this? What the actual fuck?

Slapping someone hard across the face, if someone did it to me I’d deck them.

And smacking is just lazy parenting. If you can’t guide your child to the right behaviour without hurting or hitting them it says more about you than your kid. But then it’s (rightly) illegal in Scotland anyway, so it’s a moot point up here.

If another adult smacked me across the face I would respond aggressively, I’m entitled to defend myself.

All the people justifying hitting kids and this post are an absolute disgrace.

Violence never solves anything.

Was the DD's behaviour acceptable? In my pov, both of them behaved badly. Pinching and name calling isn't ok. Slapping isn't ok.

I don't see how OP could have intervened without trying to dissect and manage their relationship. Criticising her friend whilst condoning the DD's behaviour is an unacceptable double standard.

What next? The daughter punches her mother?

You'd kind of expect that to happen in the future wouldn't you? After all, why shouldn't she?

Slapping someone hard across the face, if someone did it to me I’d deck them

Violence never solves anything.

Wait.. .what?

If someone deliberately pinched me hard, they would get a slap. It would be instinctive. No idea whether that happened here though, obviously.

Self defence is entirely different, I’ve spent enough of my life being battered by my ex to know that I’ll never let anyone do that to me again.

However, I’ve never once lifted my hands to my children or anyone else. Apart from my ex, the last time he hit me I flew for him.

So aye, smart arse, if you take a minute it does make sense.

I think if I was pinched by another adult without my permission, I'm afraid my reaction would probably be to slap them. Doesn't happen that often these days. If I pinched someone I'd be ready for a physical retaliation, always best to be prepared.

So aye, smart arse, if you take a minute it does make sense.

Not really. But whatever.

There is a very worrying and confusing dissonance between violence against literally anyone else and violence against children. Where does it come from?

I cannot imagine any other relationship in this scenario where this would have been even slightly “acceptable” - can’t imagine any of you on here defending for example, a spouse slapping the other across the face, or a friend slapping a friend.

Why is it ever acceptable to hit others? In what scenario is it acceptable, unless you are being attacked by someone? Why are people defending this? Is it because you hit your children yourselves and need to normalise it to not feel bad? Would you hit your friend, work colleague, or anyone else in a similar situation?

I'm anti-smacking. Was smacked as a child, don't think it made me behave any better (I was quite good anyway), only resentful. Mother has looked after DD a lot over the years and lives with us and I made her promise she would never smack her. She did but nevertheless as DD has got older and more bolshy preteen behaviour, mother jumps in first to discipline and can get both shouty and physically shovey and I have to literally step between them. It only encourages DD to fight back and she has slapped me when I verbally tell her off, even though I don't smack her myself. If the 19 yr old daughter in this case pinches her mum, it's probably because someone has set her that example as she's been growing up.

*I'm a bit stunned at the bubble some of you lot seem to live in.

I'm also surprised that we haven't had "Triggering" added to the title in case some of you have a fit of the vapours*

Happy to live in a bubble where people respect themselves.

I know this is going to sound patronising, but I feel sorry for you and the upbringing you must have had if you think this is a non event.

You do realise some people on here will have been physically abused by their parents or partner?

This is a crime, it is assault. It could be ABH depending on the circumstances and consequence.

No one said anything to the woman on the bus so where are all these people who would intervene?
Because they worry the woman will be violent towards them, they think she'll take it out in the kid later for "embarrassing her" or like you they think its totally fine to scream and threaten a baby

Not every country gets so hysterical about this.

Then they should.

Can't believe the way some of the posts on here are normalising violence. It is never OK for a person to hit another person, regardless of age or provocation.

If an adult pinched me i'd probably slap them. If i pinched a male or female I'd expect to be slapped back.

I find it worrying that a 19 year old would pinch her own mother. You can't ground a 19 year old.

If the DD did pinch her and it was about to go further, I can understand the smack. There aren't easy answers to children (even as Adults) who attack their Mothers (in the case of other Girls/Women).

My DD has ADHD. I was battered by her until she was around 19, then I'd had enough. She seemed to control herself around other people, she had got into the habit of doing it to me.

You can say violence doesn't solve things, but my retaliation would stop her in her tracks. It meant I wasn't in for a pasting.

It was only after another Police incident, a couple of years earlier that I started to see it as a form of DV. This is discussed at length on all SN Boards.

The Mother might be abusive, or she might not know what the hell to do when her child physically assaults her.

In ordinary circumstances, or in the case of under 18's, no, you shouldn't hit back, I agree with that. Even after that, it should be just defensive.

But to answer your question OP, you should speak to her about it.

its only on the internet I see people so against smacking.

Really? Because last time I looked (actually only a day or two ago when I did safeguarding training), it is absolutely 100% unacceptable for anyone whose job or role involves looking after other people's children to smack them. If it is unacceptable for your child's teacher, Brownie leader, football coach, etc. to smack a child, why would it be acceptable for a parent? If I can manage the behaviour of 20-30 children without resorting to physical violence, why can't parents manage the behaviour of 1 child without smacking them?

I find it worrying that a 19 year old would pinch her own mother

Probably because she grew up with a mother who pinches her and slaps her, and who knows what else. Violence begets violence.

Bobbydeniro69
"This is a crime, it is assault. It could be ABH depending on the circumstances and consequence."

It's also often called "the last taboo", if the child is the instigator.

"It's not OK for parents to slap their children, even adult ones, but I have to say that it's really not OK for adult children to pinch their parents either. Pinching is really painful. Without knowing the full story, it does sound as if this is a family where violence is part of day-to-day life."

What Hackmum said. Parents slap/whack/pinch/smack the children for various reasons and it's OK, isn't it? They are the parents and are doing for the right reasons; then the kids get older and do exactly what they've learn from their parents who then hit them back and complain that the kids are disrespectful and violent. And it goes on and on.

BTW, this is how my parents raised me. With smacks, slaps, pinches, belting etc. I carry a heavy baggage with me, I have issues that I am still struggling with, 30 years later. But there is one thing I have never done: I have never hit/slap/punch/pinch etc any of my children.

"If the 19 yr old daughter in this case pinches her mum, it's probably because someone has set her that example as she's been growing up."

And that's why Parents aren't open about this issue, because it is assumed the blame lies with them.