Friend slapped daughter hard

[Daffodildainty]

Some friends were visiting from another country. Last night there was a mix up about the arrangements and I went out of the restaurant to meet my friend and her daughter - a 19 year old uni student . They were arguing on the pavement and as we entered the venue With me walking ahead of them I glimpsed my friend slap her daughter really hard across the face - I continued inside and eventually my friend arrived without her daughter who had returned to the hotel. She mentioned the slap but said her daughter had called her a name and pinched her hard to which she retaliated. I said it was not a good situation but took the cowards way out and didn’t tell her how shocking it was. We continued the evening. I feel badly for not intervening WWUD?

Well I get the argument that sometimes people just snap... I once smacked my toddler son when hed ran out into the road... not round the face tho christ!! and Slapping a 19 year old is actually even worse because surely you should just be able to talk to a 19 year old to express how you feel?? they understand what you are saying!!
And even if you did just totally loose the plot in retaliation for something they did to you... would you not be utterly ashamed and devastated?
No way if id done something like that could I just calmly carry on with my night with my friend... that really implies that the woman does not know what an awful thing she has done.... so personally I would bring it up with her that I found it very shocking!
Id find anyone just slapping anyone round the face hard pretty shocking to be honest... and in response to a pinch even more so... and the fact that it was her own daughter so theres the power dynamic there and the fact that you are supposed to be a parent even if they are an adult... makes it even worse

IIIustriousIyIIlogical I'd rather live in a triggered bubble where adults solve their tensions with words rather than resorting to violence like uncivilised cavemen who can't express themselves properly without hitting their kids.

If violence is such a normal part of your life I feel sorry for you..

Non issue to me. But then everyone I know IRL smacks their kids

Firstly what lovely friends you must have

Secondly if I wrote a post at 36 saying my Dad had slapped me would it still be acceptable? Because we own them forever so can do whatever we want to them?

If I pinch an adult and call them a name, I'd expect a slap.

Some really strange replies to this post OP

Do people really think becuase she’s 19 and not a child as such it’s ok to slap her? Is it only ok for mothers to slap grown up children or a dads allowed too? What about couples hitting each other is that also ok becuase well the woman he beat up was an adult right?

It’s wrong to hit someone unless it’s the only way of defending yourself against real harm. Was a pinch real harm? Unkind yes but fearing for your life/leaving you at risk of being really injured No it wasn’t. OP friend was in the wrong and what a nasty woman she must be, with a mother like that the girl won’t need enemies will she

OP, how long have you known them, if this is the first time you've ever seen this and they're "helecopter parents" I wouldn't expect she needed you to step in. The dd needed to not physically assault someone in the first place.

I'm gobsmacked (pun intended) that anyone would think this behaviour is acceptable.
It is not okay to go round slapping other people. The fact that one of these people gave birth to the other is irrelevant.

What about couples hitting each other is that also ok becuase well the woman he beat up was an adult right?

There's a pinch you get from a 5 year old, whichis actually kind of painful. And there's an adult trying to cause you pain by pinching you. If dh did that to me, I'd smack him round the face and leave him. Yes.

And yes, I was abused as a child, and it was somethign my mother did to me. In this case the teenager did it to her mother, she got a smack back.

I'm shocked at some of these replies. I'd have been outraged if I'd have witnessed my friend wang her daughter in the face.

Lousy because someone is your child doesn't mean it's ok to slap them.

How ridiculous to stare other countries. I think those who slap their teens/adult children are disgusting and I back the child reporting them and getting them arrested.

In this case it's difficult as the DD hurt her first. Grabbing her arm and saying don't you dare do that again would've been better and the fact she was Blair's makes me believe this is a regular occurrence.

Picka not acceptable, but understandable.

I am absolutely stunned at some of these responses. What the hell is wrong with some of you?

When on earth did it become acceptable to slap anyone around the face? It's assault.

Mummyofalittledragon Just a different 'normal' I think. There's no lack of love. I am an adult, in my late twenties with DCs of my own. I'm not the DD from the OP!

If parent and adult child's relationship are to the point of calling names and pinching hard, then retaliating by slapping, then it's already broken up.

I'd say the slap here is as serious as how the 19 year old treated her mother. It's a relationship with physical and verbal violence.

If you want to be a friend, talk to your friend about how she wants her relationship with her adult child to be. What are her boundaries to start with.

I agree, other places don't feel nearly the same way about this type of thing as they do here. I lived for a long time in Southeast Asia, where children are still hit at school, and I was hit on a few occasions as well. A good friend of mine who is my age and has learning disabilities would still be smart, and one day when I was with her, her mother hit me too! It's normal. Hit. Not smart.

It depends on what other country it was.

I wouldnt feel differently if it was a father or mother. My sister use to hit me loads around that age. Once when I was living with her and spilt glue on her sofa, thought I didnt tell her so can see why she was angry.

I was on the bus yesterday and some woman screamed at her small child. (she had a buggy with her so im guessing no older than 3.) "Kick me again and I will kick you twice as hard to see if you like it." its only on the internet I see people so against smacking.

I've been sexually assaulted. I've never slapped anyone. I am not "thick" - I am an adult. Slapping someone is violence. Violence is never OK. It's not made OK because other people do it. It's not made OK because of the relationship of the people involved. It's not made OK because you've done something to 'deserve' it.

IF VIOLENCE IS NORMAL AND ACCEPTABLE IN YOUR LIFE YOU NEED TO SERIOUSLY RE-ASSESS YOUR LIFE.

It's not OK for parents to slap their children, even adult ones, but I have to say that it's really not OK for adult children to pinch their parents either. Pinching is really painful. Without knowing the full story, it does sound as if this is a family where violence is part of day-to-day life.

its only on the internet I see people so against smacking.

No, really, there are quite a lot of us who are against it. Probably....most people I have ever known. If you regularly see actual violence against children, it's not made OK by repetition.

And where do you think the daughter learned that it was ok to pinch someone during an argument? The fact that the daughter [apparently] did that is basically a perfect example of why it's better to raise your kids without using violence as a form of discipline.

The fact that the daughter [apparently] did that is basically a perfect example of why it's better to raise your kids without using violence as a form of discipline.

Exactly.

What next? The daughter punches her mother?

I was on the bus yesterday and some woman screamed at her small child. (she had a buggy with her so im guessing no older than 3.) "Kick me again and I will kick you twice as hard to see if you like it." its only on the internet I see people so against smacking
Sorry, are you actually citing this as an example of acceptable parenting?? That behaviour towards a 3 at most yo is ducking despicable

InTheLightOfTheMoon the fact that you were hit and now think it's ok to hit is another example of how violence perpetuates violence. Wouldn't you rather mums didn't have to threaten to kick their children? Well guess what – they don't! It's perfectly possible to raise children without violence or threats of violence. So why wouldn't you? The only reason you would think that you should is because that's what you yourself were taught.