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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One more childcare scenario

151 replies

AllCleverAndThat · 27/06/2018 07:24

OK - I was told I was BU with my other suggestions, so here is a different one.

DD is 14 - only child. No SEN. We are moving soon to a new area and she doesn’t know anyone. I’m worried about her being lonely and being home alone a lot. Also I want to go out but don’t want to leave her alone after midnight.

If there is a family with an au pair, one night every week or every other week the au pair can sleep at our house. In exchange she comes on an outing with us, to a National trust type thing.

How does that sound?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Kintan · 27/06/2018 07:30

I’m guessing if you want to hire another family’s au pair for an evening the au pair would expect to be paid the going rate for a baby sitter and not be taken on a day out in lieu of payment. Also what benefit will this have for the au pair’s host family?

namechangealerttt · 27/06/2018 07:30

I think you have got to pay that aupair some money not just a day out

Rachie1973 · 27/06/2018 07:30

Just let her be, you're way overthinking things!

Build up to it and let her look after herself. This kid is 14! Stop organising her, let her have limited social media access, let her make some friends, and then worry about it.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 27/06/2018 07:31

‘In exchange she comes on an outing with us...’

Does that mean you won’t be paying her? No you can’t do that.

Hire a babysitter for each evening you want to go out. Pay them. And let them in your sitting room. I actually think you’re in the wind up op. No one has this much discussion over childcare for a 14 year old.

Fucksakewhatatwat · 27/06/2018 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlibbertyGiblets · 27/06/2018 07:32

How about not going out beyond midnight? My kids at age 14 were cool with parents out on occasion.

I don't understand about the au pair. Easier to not stay out all night, surely? In fact not saying you should be a Mummy Martyr but settling your child into new home and school is more important than finessing plans for going out out imo.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/06/2018 07:33

No that is definitely not ok!!!

kimber83 · 27/06/2018 07:33

Op, a 14 year old should be capable of babysitting other kids.

And pay fair wages,you tight fisted mollycoddler! You can't eat a day out at a museum, nor can it pay a phone bill!

FinallyHere · 27/06/2018 07:34

This made me laugh out loud. To be fair, I would love to meet the au-pair motivated to provide late night/overnight babysitting for free, in tbe promise of a day out with the parent and fourteen year old.

divadee · 27/06/2018 07:34

Oh dear god. As others have said you are way over thinking this. Your daughter will probably start school, make loads of friends and it won't be an issue. If you are this worried about leaving a 14 year old alone don't bloody go out! SHE IS 14! You just seem to want to palm her off on strangers when she probably wants a night off from you trying to organise every detail about leaving her alone.

Anyway your idea sucks. As an au pair why should they be grateful that you will take them on a day out? They will want cold hard cash not a days experience somewhere.

Notlivestock · 27/06/2018 07:35

Omg OP. These suggestions are getting wilder and wilder. You want someone to give you a full night of free childcare every week or other week, and in return he or she gets to come on a National Trust outing with you? Do you honestly think that sounds reasonable?!

This is not an au pair, because an au pair gets their room and board as part of their package. Since you would only be putting yours up once a week max, they will still have their own home elsewhere which they will presumably be paying for.

What you are suggesting is free childcare in return for an outing that would honestly just not appeal to the vast majority of people, or he viewed as a sufficient treat to be worth the childcare.

You're being a cheapskate. If you want childcare, pay for it. If you can't afford to pay for it you can't afford to go out. In which case you need to consider other solutions, like having your DD stay with a friend or leaving her on her own for a bit.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/06/2018 07:35

Why would either the host family or au pair agree to that? A trip out with you will not be that appealling I think.

I don't think a 14 year old needs a babysitter, but if you are sure she does then pay someone.

Notlivestock · 27/06/2018 07:36

Also, at 14 I was regularly babysitting other people's children - often until after midnight. So unless there is some reason specific to your DD that means she can't be left alone, there really doesn't seem to be an issue here...?

ZoeWashburne · 27/06/2018 07:36

Either your 14 year old is a very immature and young 14, or you are overprotective. At 14 I (and all of my peers) were babysitting children aged 0-9.

She'll be fine. Just let her get on with it. Get netflix- I don't know any 14 year old that wouldn't love to lounge on the sofa watching films by themselves.

She'll make friends organically- and much easier if you aren't hovering over her, worrying about her every move.

FissionChips · 27/06/2018 07:37

She’s 14, she shouldn’t need a babysitter .

DevilsDoorbell · 27/06/2018 07:39

not ok. You would need to lay the au pair not give her a day out with you, why on earth would she want to do that? And why would the au pairs host family be happy with that.

Get your own au pair or maybe don’t go out very late.

ChocolatePanda · 27/06/2018 07:40

I just finished posting on your other thread then saw this one.

This idea is crazy. No one I know with an au pair would agree to this and I don't know why on earth an au pair would agree to do it.

Wait until she's made a few friends and then let her have friends stay the night a few times. Then when you want/need to go out at night you can ask those parents if they could have her stay the night. Easily solved.

LeighaJ · 27/06/2018 07:42

YASTILLBU

Give your daughter emergency numbers, tell her not to open the door to anyone, maybe put one of those safety chains on the door.

Asking to borrow someone's au pair that you won't be paying except treating her to hang out with you is just not going to be on. Grin

formerbabe · 27/06/2018 07:43

So you want someone to babysit and you'll 'pay' them by allowing them to go on an outing with you?! That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If your 14 year old needs a babysitter, pay for one!

As for her being lonely, I'm sure it wouldn't be long before she'd make friends at school and be out and about with them.

Original poster
AllCleverAndThat · 27/06/2018 07:44

We are moving to a new area.
Right now she has friends, takes the bus to her club and waits for us at home alone till 6-7.

I feel this will be too much in a new city.

I have not been on a night out in years and I’m just thinking of ways to get back to a normal life.

I was thinking someone from Spain or something who is here as an au pair but the family can’t afford an outing every weekend. Then we can take her out.

OP posts:
Shumpalumpa · 27/06/2018 07:45

What a waste of a thread. Why not add to your existing thread.

Why would they want to go to a stately home with a random family. They'd prefer to go with their actual host family.

LagunaBubbles · 27/06/2018 07:46

Yabu. You were told on your other thread that a 24 year old doesn't need a babysitter.

adaline · 27/06/2018 07:47

So you've started another thread because you didn't like the answers on your last one Hmm

Leave her be. She's 14yo and more than capable of being on her own after school and up until midnight.

She'll come home, empty the cupboards, have a long bath or shower and flop in front of the TV all evening I imagine!

adaline · 27/06/2018 07:48

She doesn't need babysitting FGS she's not seven.

Isleepinahedgefund · 27/06/2018 07:48

Really lovely of you to take pity on the poor Spanish au pairs, I just KNOW they will be queuing up to take up your offer!

This is a wind up, right?