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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One more childcare scenario

151 replies

AllCleverAndThat · 27/06/2018 07:24

OK - I was told I was BU with my other suggestions, so here is a different one.

DD is 14 - only child. No SEN. We are moving soon to a new area and she doesn’t know anyone. I’m worried about her being lonely and being home alone a lot. Also I want to go out but don’t want to leave her alone after midnight.

If there is a family with an au pair, one night every week or every other week the au pair can sleep at our house. In exchange she comes on an outing with us, to a National trust type thing.

How does that sound?
AIBU?

OP posts:
steff13 · 27/06/2018 13:51

OP stated in another thread (or maybe this one) that she's married.

AwkwardPaws27 · 27/06/2018 13:54

I would pay my mother’s fuel for an overnight visit. She says she wishes to see dd more - so that is something of a ‘freebie’ but in the context of family relationships.

This sounds like a great idea - as long as your teen also wants to spend more time with her grandparent. Or could your teen get public transport to her grandmothers, with grandmother meeting her at the bus stop / train station?

ResistanceIsNecessary · 27/06/2018 13:55

I feel sorry for the 14 y/o. Raiding your Mum or sister's room and borrowing helping yourself to their stuff is a pretty normal stage to go through and easily addressed by a firm word - or if it persists, a lock on the bedroom door.

In OP's case her daughter seems to be cossetted to an extraordinary degree for someone her age. No social media, needs a babysitter at night, cannot be trusted to get herself to and from places. One can only hope that she manages to gain a place at a University far away from home and gain the independence that is a normal part of growing up. And also hope that she doesn't go mad when for the first time in her life she's allowed to act her age.

CaMePlaitPas · 27/06/2018 14:00

Money makes the world go round OP. No 19 year old is going to want to go to Alton Towers with you and your 14 year old on their day off, they will want to do their own thing with people their own age, with the money they've earned. Just because YOU would accept your own job offer ("I would jump at the chance...") doesn't mean another person would. If you were employing my daughter to look after yours I would want her to have a fair job contract not some ad hoc job share, paid, and with decent accommodation (independent room, away from you and your family). Having said all of this, your daughter is 14 years old. She's more than capable of getting herself to and from school, making her own dinner when she comes in and looking after herself on the two nights of the week you absolutely must go out on. You're being very unreasonable.

Eliza9917 · 27/06/2018 14:54

Rather than rent the room out, they can have it for free plus dinner (in the kitchen with us) in exchange for the restrictions. No visitors. 2 nights babysitting. Don’t use living room after 7.

Are you actually fucking serious?

happypoobum · 27/06/2018 15:07

OP can you explain who you will be going out with until the small hours? What will you be doing? Sorry of that is a silly question, but most people who work and have teenagers go out for dinner or drinks, they aren't out clubbing twice a week.

Can you explain what this is really all about as it makes no sense whatsoever.

Eliza9917 · 27/06/2018 15:09

Can someone link the other thread please? I've tried to search for it but can't find it.

1Wanda1 · 27/06/2018 15:14

I've had au pairs. Trust me when I say that no au pair is going to want "a day out" with your family as payment for babysitting a teenager. They want cold hard cash and you'll need to pay the going rate.

That said, a 14 year old doesn't need childcare. She might need friends, but presumably she will find friends at school?

ZoeWashburne · 27/06/2018 15:17

Why are you so desperate for nights out before you have even moved? Seems your priorities are all messed up.

SilverySurfer · 27/06/2018 15:20

Not again. All of your suggestions are barking mad. No au pair is going to jump at the chance of visiting a NT property with an adult and 14 year old she barely knows in exchange for baby sitting. If you insist on hiring one to look after a 14 year old which is bonkers anyway, at least pay them. It's beyond ridiculous to even think it may be a possibility.

You keep mentioning midnight and I'm wondering whether you are actually planning to be out all night, which would be another issue. Since you will have presumably moved away from friends, who are you going out on these two nights a week which you now appear to be so frantic to have happen. Is there a new man in your life I wonder?

SilverySurfer · 27/06/2018 15:24

For those who missed it, here's the link to the other thread, equally bonkers: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3289542-Another-childcare-option

divadee · 27/06/2018 15:24

I'm thinking all of this childcare posts are a wind up. No sane mum surely thinks any of these options are normal for a 14 YEAR OLD (sorry had to shout as she is 14 ffs). Or to be perfectly honest a 4 year old. They are not normal options. The normal approach is I will hire a babysitter. Not these convoluted options that are being come up with.

Bibesia · 27/06/2018 15:27

I don't see how having a total stranger au pair or student in your house necessarily solves your problem with your 14 year old going through your things. They can't necessarily stop her; indeed, for all you know, they'll help her. Surely it would be much easier just to lock your room?

SilverySurfer · 27/06/2018 15:27

There's also a third: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3289496-Aibu-childcare-arrangements

Teacherontherun · 27/06/2018 15:32

These threads have been utterly hilarious!! I asked my year 10 class at school today what they thought, one kid replied "Miss is she for real??" Another said his mum had seen this and had been laughing about it!!!
Seriously your 14 year old will be absolutely fine, give them a break, a bit of trust and responsibility and back away from these crack pot ideas about free rooms etc. Why would you take advantage of someone in need of a room buy refusing them access to the living room??
You can still have a life, just negotiation is key. For the sake of the odd night here and there just pay a student to babysit but I can promise you that your daughter won't thank you and if the kids at school find out she will be tortured!!

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 27/06/2018 15:32

YABU to create 3 threads

IABU for reading them Grin

myrtleWilson · 27/06/2018 15:45

Never mind the likelihood of finding this mythical au pair for a yearning to visit NT properties all the time, or the sleep over non living room tutor/mature student... What on earth is all this saying to your DD?

  • She's 14 but you have restricted access social media and control her phone. This is above and beyond parental oversight imo.

-She's 14 but you're busy trying to find creative ways to not pay randomers to look after her.

She's 14 and in return for allowing a mythical Spanish au pair to babysit her the 14 year old gets to spend her leisure time visiting NT properties (presumably the OP imagines DD will come along too)

She's 14 and will in the blink of an eye be doing her GCSEs, considering A levels, having her first crush/boy-girl friend/planning to attempt to leave home but with little chance of developing self confidence to be independent.

Her mother is hell bent on being out two nights a week with a guarantee of it being a post midnight return - in a city where apparently they currently know nobody.

Your DD will really not thank you for this way of thinking. Thankfully the chances of pulling of this fantastical caper are relatively low.

Eliza9917 · 27/06/2018 15:52

Thanks for the links.

That's some next level version of cray cray there. Seriously.

InDubiousBattle · 27/06/2018 15:58

Your dd does not need a baby sitter.

If you feel uncomfortable leaving her home alone after midnight then you need to get home before midnight.

Alternatively pay a regular babysitter to babysit her. A 14 year old. Who is probably old enough to babysit for someone herself. Who would most likely be mortified at the very thought.

TheIsland · 27/06/2018 16:21

Is this all going to have been a reverse?

sockunicorn · 27/06/2018 16:26

why are you so desperate to get an au pair/nanny into your house?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2018 16:27

So are you going out with DH these two nights OP? Can't you go out til say 11 but keep they're loving going on in the garden for an extra few hours?

ZoeWashburne · 27/06/2018 16:54

If you can afford 2 night she out a week, you can afford one night and a babysitter instead.

Although if I was your DD I would be mortified. Seriously you aren’t doing her no favours. I’m getting a lot of secondhand embarrassment for her.

Grobagsforever · 27/06/2018 17:13

I regularly pay a 14 year old to babysit....

Battleax · 27/06/2018 17:20

So are you going out with DH these two nights OP? Can't you go out til say 11 but keep they're loving going on in the garden for an extra few hours?*

😂

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