to change DD's school & move away to have a life separate from DM?

[YesSheCan]

Namechange as too much personal info on previous thread, now deleted.

Yep, next week. Unexpected chain with supposedly chain free purchase so having to complete on sale and move into holiday rental near DD's new school for a month and find another house to buy chain free and quick. Never straightforward, buying and selling houses. It'll all get sorted. So pleased about the school anyway. Now to find myself some work.

Great news, shame about the house but I'm sure you'll find another one!

Has DD come round to the idea of moving?

Fantastic news about school! Congratulations x

Housing situation sounds frustrating. Does it mean you've lost the lovely house ?

I’ve only just read through this thread but I just wanted to say that you sound like an absolutely amazing person and mother to your DD. You’ve been so strong and it sounds like it’s all working out for you, fantastic! Such an inspiration x

Things are so much better with me and DD. Obviously it's a big upheaval for her to move to a different area and change schools but she is now being totally cooperative and has not punched or kicked or had any terrible tantrums once since my mother left our house.

That's amazing OP! You're such a strong woman!

I've been following this thread. YesyouCan you are an amazing lady and a great Mum. Well done.

You got your mother out just in time, yesshecan, for your daughter's health and development.

@YesSheCan I hope this doesn't come across as patronising.

I'm proud of you.

Keep on keeping on

Wishing you a smooth moving process, and I hope your DD likes her new school and settles in quickly

Ah thank you again all. I don't feel patronised at all.

On a different note this is a kind of AIBU within an AIBU...DP said he'd help with the move. He was meant to be coming Saturday but had some stuff to do in his house so said Sunday would be better. Then on Sunday felt tired and achey with a sore throat and didn't feel up to coming over. Hasn't committed to coming over today. Obvs if he is feeling awful with a fluey type bug there's not much to be done and he wouldn't be much help anyway. However, I currently have a cold, have chronic back and neck issues, painful coldsores up the inside of my nose and have been lugging heavy things around to the point where a little bit of wee comes out. I ache all over, am exhausted and could do with a bit of help. I told him I could really use his help this weekend and I hate asking for favours. AIBU to feel a bit annoyed? DD's friend's mum who is a new friend of a couple of months came round in her work clothes (gardener) after a busy day school stuff shopping to help me load a skip, and I hadn't even asked her for help, she just showed up and did it.

Yes I'd be annoyed, have you bluntly told him how unwell you are and how desperately you need help?

I haven't been blunt. I've been careful to look at my reaction and gauge how much of it is down to the sheer stress of the whole situation amd how much is actually down to how he is being. Bu I have said that I could do with his help lifting heavy stuff which is pretty direct for me.

Sorry you are feeling ill and I hope your DP gets his act together.

I just wanted to say I love to read your updates and hear how you and DD are getting on. You have made a brilliant life changing decision for both of you. Keep strong

Ah thank you. Yup, have just got dressed and concentrating on getting my own act together, no time to wait for anyone else to show up! Moving sucks. But am so thrilled about school place and that I've finally managed to do this for DD and me. Am gonna write to my therapist and thank her when this is all done.

At least when it is all over you can just breathe and take some time to relax. Your daughter got the school place, you're moving away from your 'd'm, and everything will be okay. There's bound to be some bumps in the road but you'll get past all of that.

Been reading your thread since the beginning, well done for getting so far! Truly an inspiration for anyone struggling to take steps to get out of a toxic situation. So pleased your daughter is playing ball as well. All the very best of luck!

I agree with pp that reading how far you have come is inspiring. I really hope that your DP steps up. If I lived nearer I would definitely give you a hand, but unfortunately I'm in southeast. I'm sorry you are feeling so ill and doing this all on your own. Would your Dad be able to help at all?

Ah thank you! Yes, my dad is coming tonight to help tomorrow. He is nearly 70. It would be great if DP is well enough to help a bit as well. He did say he'd come over on an evening this week if he can't make it today. But as he finishes work late and would have to leave the same evening for work the next day, I don't know how he'd fit that in. Oh well. I'm making decent progress anyway. The cold seems to be staying at bay. I'm not feeling ill, just knackered. The usual pattern is I do something like this then collapse afterwards

I do wonder if you are usually fiercely independent so your DP doesn't realise that your version of "direct" is you desperately needing his help?

Or he could be a man flu sufferer

So good to hear that things are going well, and to be honest I'm not surprised at all that your DD's behaviour has improved since your mother left. It must be a relief for her to be out of the toxicity.

We have moved! Last few days been an epic Herculean labour. Exhausted. In lovely (expensive but lovely and worth it for DD to be staying somewhere nice when starting school) temporary accommodation until purchase goes ahead. I have actually done it. Thank you for all your support.

Oh and DP was properly ill with a fluey thing and did come over Weds night after busy day at work, help me move several big heavy items and had to leave at 7.30 the next morning to get back to work. So I won't moan about him!

DM has continued to be a PITA and now has a smartphone (which she told DD on the phone this evening when she called to 'say goodbye' on our moving day) so I'll be keeping close tabs on that.