to change DD's school & move away to have a life separate from DM?

[YesSheCan]

Namechange as too much personal info on previous thread, now deleted.

I have to leave for work (3.5hr shift) in 20 mins and whole time since I've been up so far has been consumed by me telling DD she will have to come to work with me (which would be fine) because I haven't been able to get hold of DB to look after her this morning and there's no one else available. DD refusing to come. Has googled that she's legally able to stay at home alone for a few hours. I explain things have not been normal here and it's not appropriate for her to be left home alone. Still refusing. I can't physicalltly firce her into car. Help!

Are there any school parents you can ask for assistance.

Urgh DP couldn't come?

Dont leave her she will contact dm which will give her fodder to try and demand custody. So sorry i dont know what to say. Why cant do do ot?

has she said she will contact dm? do you think she will?

Goes against my usuall instincts but is not a usual situation. Bribery of some sort if it is a one off? Something at the end of the day perhaps?

Absolutely resort to bribery this once - whatever she wants. Do NOT leave her in the house alone. Your DM will have a field day if you do.

Update DD eventually came with me. Only 15 mins late to work

Nope DP had already made other plans before I told him how bad things had been (didn't get a chance to fill him in properly until yesterday early evening)

Thank goodness for that!!!

You should be so proud of yourself OP. You’ve done the best thing for your dd. She’s been around the coercive old bint for a while so she’s going to act out a bit but from what I’ve read she’s probably relieved she’s gone. She only kicks off because your mum pretty much tells her too

Frankly, at the moment what ever it takes to get DD to stay with you, I'd do.

I really don't want to worry you even more, but I'd be v worried that your mum will try to see her, and if alone in the house DD would let her in again. If that happened, might your mum get the locks changed while you were out? Like she thinks you did "to her" Is she big on "tit for tat" type stuff, as from what you've said it sounds quite possible.

Also yes although legal (I think) leaving DD alone would give your mum yet more ammo to use against you :(

And again, don't want to worry you, but are you absolutely sure DD doesn't have another phone (given by your mum ) hidden away? Frankly your mum sounds batshit crazy enough to do something like that :(

Hope this morning had gone ok for when you get home.

I would discuss with your DD that she feels she's ready for my responsibility and once you've moved to your new home and settled you agree she would be able to stay home alone for a few hours

Yeah I'd be really careful with internet access too... things like whatsapp, facebook and skype can message over wifi.
I think there's a parental control app that can make it so you have to give permission to install new apps - might be worth trying out.

Pretty sure DD does not have a secret phone. Also, DM does not have smartphone, does not have Whatsapp, would have no clue how to install, does not use FB. Asks me to contact her friends on FB messenger for her and even do her online bank transfers for her. But yeah, I would be concerned about what would happen if she came round the house and DD was in on her own. DM is very difficult to say no to.

how are you within yourself OP... are you feeling a bit more in control ... has your Mother made any other attempts at contacting you or your DD..

I'm ok thanks gemini. I do feel sad that it's come to this, have moments of feeling guilty for throwing DM out but I do know it had to be done. Day after it all kicked off I felt mega anxious but that's settling down s little bit. DD and I getting on much better but it will take time for her to get used to me being the one in charge

No I haven't heard from DM

quite possibly the reality bites for your Mother.. that you are serious and nothing will change your mind now.... it's what she does now that she feels she has nothing to lose ... be prepared for anything Yes

Yes

@YesSheCan just read this thread and wanted to add my support you are doing so well, I hope you can finally see some light at the end of your tunnel.
I'm sure once you and DD are settled, her behaviour will stabilise, I'm glad the book you read was helpful
Could you pm me the other thread title so I can read the initial post?

So pleased to hear that you and DD are already getting on better now it's just the two of you. That alone should convince you that you've done the right thing, OP. I hope your DM is taking this time to reflect on her behaviour, but whether she accepts she's been in the wrong is another matter. In the meantime, enjoy the peace and quiet.

YANBU. How does your DD feel about it?

My DM's like this, and I've recently been diagnosed as autistic, I've told her my triggers but she refuses to change, then gets all self conscious when I start talking a bit louder in Sainsbury's.

How are you doing OP?