Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ‘day off’ means different things for men and women...

151 replies

CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 07:31

My day off;

Day (and evening) off work
School run
So bleach toilets
Tidy front garden
Buy furniture for shed repair

Service washing machine
Baby group

Supermarket
School run
Take kids to watering hole

Then this evening after putting kids to bed
Paint the decking white

DH day off -

Yay! Cricket

I imagine this is the same in every household?

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercups21 · 26/06/2018 07:33

Yes and no

I would do all those things on a "day off" but my last day off I went swimming and played tennis...

I was done being a martyr years ago, and took a leaf out of DH book

You CHOOSE to do those things

Pengggwn · 26/06/2018 07:34

How is it your day off? You're doing childcare.

Pandora79 · 26/06/2018 07:37

I think it can be. But it hasn't been in either my marriage or my current relationship.

Sometimes if i had a day off I would use it to catch up on jobs, or go for a long relaxed shopping trip. Sometimes I wouldn't move from the sofa.

When I am off now my current Dp wouldn't expect me to do anything either.

But I do get what you mean, women do seems to spend all their free time doing family jobs. But I think that's down to them. Men aren't wrong for taking time to themselves.

user1471517900 · 26/06/2018 07:37

If you were at work surely your husband would do the lifts to school etc.

Also if you have a day off then do something like your DH does. Don't bleach the toilet (mind you that takes about 30 seconds)...

formerbabe · 26/06/2018 07:39

I'm a sahm but if my oh takes the dc out on the weekend by himself, my first thought it, oh lovely, I can clean the house Confused

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 26/06/2018 07:42

I’m a sahm, so my day off is when dh does childcare. He has not yet done this for a full day, but that’s my choice. He would do it. I’ve not had a weekend day on my own with both dcs yet either, so I think neither of us have had a day off with no childcare to do. Imagine this will be the case for a few years.

KirstenRaymonde · 26/06/2018 07:43

If you’re doing the school run and baby group etc, it’s not a day off, just a day you’re not at work. If you were at work and your husband wasn’t would he be doing the school run and baby group?

adaline · 26/06/2018 07:46

But aren't you choosing to do these things?

I don't have children but I have yesterday and today off. Yesterday, I met up with a friend to walk the dogs, caught up on Ackley Bridge, had a nap and just relaxed, pretty much. I also cooked dinner and washed the dishes, but I see those as normal household chores and not things you can just refuse to do because you're not working that day.

Anyway, in our house, the person who is off, does the housework, to make life easier for the person who's at work all day. So today I'm doing two loads of laundry, I'll walk the dog and run the vacuum around too. If we were both working, we'd just split those tasks between us.

I think everyone is entitled to a lazy day though and I certainly wouldn't force myself to vacuum or anything if I didn't want to!

FaFoutis · 26/06/2018 07:47

Most of that is your choice and nobody would notice if you did not do it.
On my days off I leave the children with my DH and go somewhere else.

JellySlice · 26/06/2018 07:47

Not at all. That's your family's dynamic. In ours the chores and hobbies are spread more evenly. Either of us might use our time off for ourselves, or for housework, or for parenting, or for any combination,

Mollywobbles82 · 26/06/2018 07:50

Definitely not all men. My dh does just as many jobs on his day off as me. We generally have a day of us both doing things (even if some of those things are childcare) OR a day which we all spend relaxing together. A day of me ticking items off the list while he lounged on th couch watching sport would not wash in our household. Thankfully he is not the sport watching type but a day / afternoon for relaxation means both of us, not just him.

Thinking about it my df / dm are the same so perhaps I have absorbed the message growing up that both parties share responsibility for housework / home maintenance / admin etc. A very good reason to not accept a less than equal contribution if you have dc.

Original poster
CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 07:53

Fucking hell all it’s not a ‘serious relationship post’

Husband works, I work, we both have children but he never has them at school run times (he works a 9-5)

Just makes me laugh how differently men and women look at ‘a day off’ for me the thought of ‘doing nothing’ is a bit suffocating, I enjoy doing stuff, it’s fine. I’m not some beaten, downtrodden woman.

But yes, we do think very, very differently.

Which I’m sure as former points out, is the same in most households!

OP posts:
adaline · 26/06/2018 07:55

To also show how my DP spends his weekends (he works Mon-Fri I do shifts with my days off in the week):

Saturday he laid the new stairs carpet, walked the dog, did three loads of laundry and washed up. He also had a nap on the sofa, watched a film and ate pizza!

Sunday he went to look at a job, took the dog to a meet, went to the pet shop, vacuumed and changed the litter trays. When I got home he also went for a bike ride, and I'm sure he went to see his parents too.

Point being - our days off are a mix for the most part. Housework still needs to be done even if you're not at work, same with childcare when relevant (school run, etc). But none of that means you can't watch a film, nap on the sofa, go out for lunch or anything else.

Original poster
CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 07:55

Days off we both have, he would build something then watch sport, I would get the lie in as sleeping is a bit of an issue for me most of the time

It’s pretty equal. But his mindset is different, it becoming equal has taken work for him (and me) because he just thinks differently about things

For example he might well build something on his day off, but the ‘space between’ would not be spent on little necessary jobs, those things are not so evident to him...

Just the way it goes I suppose

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 26/06/2018 07:56

Are you saying OP that you NEVER have a day off to go to a spa, or go for lunch with friends, wander round the shops or a museum? NEVER? gosh how dull

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 26/06/2018 07:57

Don’t get all shirty op, just because nobody got your “joke” Hmm. The reason we didn’t see the funny side is because some of us can’t relate to what you’re saying because we have different set ups to you 🤷‍♀️.

FaFoutis · 26/06/2018 07:59

I don't think it is the same in most households. Maybe it's just that you get pleasure or satisfaction out of household tasks and he doesn't.

Tobebythesea · 26/06/2018 08:02

For me a true day off does not involve childcare. (I have a 2 year old).

I used to do what you were doing e.g. a bit of cleaning etc but then a few years ago I thought “What would my DH do on a day off?” Certainly not house stuff! I now try and plan something like going to an exhibition or a film.

Icklepickle101 · 26/06/2018 08:03

I agree. I see a day off as a chance to get on top of the house/cleaning and maybe have a few hours to myself. DP sees a day off as hours in front of the TV/running/cycling/at the pub

I’ve recently resigned myself to the act his cleaning is so far off how I want it done I don’t get worked up about it anymore and just do it myself in the first place which has made me less resentful

adaline · 26/06/2018 08:04

But they're obviously not that necessary else he'd be doing them!

Just because you choose to spend your days off filling the time with housework doesn't mean he has to! The world won't end if the toilets aren't bleached (though I wouldn't consider that housework as it takes all of 30 seconds) or the decking isn't painted.

adaline · 26/06/2018 08:06

I’ve recently resigned myself to the act his cleaning is so far off how I want it done I don’t get worked up about it anymore and just do it myself in the first place which has made me less resentful

How sad! In other words, he's chosen to not do housework properly in the hopes he won't be asked to do it again and presto, it's worked! He can spend his days off doing whatever he pleases while you do the drudge work.

CloudCaptain · 26/06/2018 08:06

On my day off I would go mtbiking or shopping. Then meet friends.
I would have bleached the toilet the night before so I didn't have any chores on my day off.
Dh never thinks to bleach the toilet. But he does tidy the kitchen without me asking.
On dh day off he would go for a bike ride, watch some TV, maybe get some diy jobs done.
Generally we have days off together though.

Nicpem1982 · 26/06/2018 08:07

Adaline- mins and dhs days off look alot like yours but of down time mixed with a few jobs although we do on occasion get a complete down day where dd is else where and we have a day together normally on these days we just relax and stuff the jobs

100thousandreasons · 26/06/2018 08:08

I get your point OP. I'm a SAHM so my days are filled with childcare and housework but at the weekends when DH is home from work and we're 'off' if you like I still run the vacuum round (toddlers still make mess at the weekend!) stick a load of washing on daily etc etc.

DH does his for share though. Although he will have the attitude of 'yay, weekend, sport watching time' he also gets the garden sorted, take the children out to give me an hour of twos peace, that sort of thing. It wouldn't occur to him to do other chores unless I ask him to though Hmm

On a true day off for me DH will take the kids out for the whole day. I know when these days are coming as we plan them so I make sure everything is done in advance so I can spend the day doing sweet FA at home! DH spends his days off going to gigs or sports events with friends.

BertieBotts · 26/06/2018 08:08

Opposite in my house. I'd be more likely to sleep in and spend all day lazing around, might put a wash on or something. Whereas DH gets bored and I get home to find he's bleached everything and rearranged half of the furniture.