To think ‘day off’ means different things for men and women...

[CantankerousCamel]

My day off;

Day (and evening) off work
School run
So bleach toilets
Tidy front garden
Buy furniture for shed repair

Service washing machine
Baby group

Supermarket
School run
Take kids to watering hole

Then this evening after putting kids to bed
Paint the decking white

DH day off -

Yay! Cricket

I imagine this is the same in every household?

Yeah we have the same @Nicpem1982 - if we're both off together (rare!) we don't bother with housework and just go out and spend the day together, or have a lazy day on the sofa/in bed.

I think it's good for the soul to have down days occasionally. Nobody needs to be rushing around 24/7 and spending your days off cleaning toilets doesn't make you a better person than the one who chooses to sleep or watch Netflix!

Adaline- it's rare here to maybe twice a year but so lovely when it does happen.

My "days off" which are annual leave, I do fun things, as does DH on his.

My "days off" which are due to me working part time, are for family/household related stuff - that's the reason why I work part time. If DH worked part time, I'd expect it from him too.

Weekends both DH and I do a mix of chores and fun stuff.

How can you find relaxing ‘suffocating’?

I like down time and need it regularly.

I’d describe your day as full on not a day off.

Opposite in my house too. DH does all the lists/planning/doing. He hates having nothing to do. Not me. Bliss is a day when I laze around doing stuff if I feel the inclination to (not much usually) in no particular order .

I would also not be able to spend a whole day off doing 'nothing'. I'd like to, but the boring everyday chores still have to be done otherwise we quickly end up in chaos and it's a rare opportunity to get some non essential, but useful, stuff done.

My DH is the same, but happily he prioritises the stuff I hate doing (bins, lawn mowing, heavy DIY) and vice versa (laundry, dusting, hoovering) which works out well.

We would both make sure to sit on our arses at some point during the day though.

100 sounds similar.

I don’t mind a bit of down time (a spa would bore me stupid)

We have friends over regularly for bbqs and so on, I’m quite happy with my lot, it just makes me laugh how easy it is for men to spend 3 hours watching sport when if I try to sit still for 10mins I want to be doing something!

I crossfit every day, that’s ‘for me’ though baby comes with.

School run is a 3 mile hike across the fields (bliss)

Yes OP, I know what you mean. DH works and I don't. Our 3 DC are all in school so officially I have from 9-3 "off" in term time. That said, I have never gone away and left him with the kids overnight in 15 years, whereas he goes on overnight or week-long trips with his hobbies all the time. I guess I could go away, but it always seems like there's too much going on with everyone else. It's a different mentality and I get where you're coming from.

squash
Yes that’s probably fair. He does building and kitchen refitting and gazebo building then chills out, I do bunting cladding and soft furnishing arrangements and so on which take longer but certainly make things nicer!

It’s a good mix. This morning I just thought ‘wow my first day off in two weeks’ and thought of all the (lovely) things I could fill it with and knew full well DH would just be thinking about all the sport

Personally, I've found I can't just sit about doing nothing. It's like there's a permanent list of stuff in my head which needs doing. If I don't do it, I feel worse.

We both work, he does 9-5 at an office job and then (for example) will get home and do bedtimes while I go off and do 3/4 hours of sports massage (I do this in the day too wirh baby on my back)

I would say our work is generally equal and our input to the house is also fairly equal. He does 90% of the cooking and putting the kids to bed because I’m not there. But he does those things because of necessity and routine, I tend to do more things because I consider them and focus on them, if that makes sense

Neverender apt nickname!

Quite the same. We are also big time focussed on getting the house and gardens settled and together so spending loads of money on lunches out and ‘spa days’ aren’t something I would do. Would rather buy and plant a fig tree or get a gate painted.

Different strokes I guess

While I don't entirely disagree, previously my days off where similar to yours and DP's were "Yay! Cycling!"

We had a chat about it and every year for my birthday I get a lovely voucher for 6 full day visits to the local day spa, so my days off are now "Yay! Spa!"

I’d be super bored at a spa!

I give him jobs to do on his days off, I’m quite happy to do jobs on mine if he came up with some of his own jobs that would be a thing

My days off are usually spent pottering about. If you like 'doing' stuff then crack on but I wouldn't make the presumption that all married couples divide their days off as you do. Your day off sounds decidedly 'busy'.

I’m with you OP. Some days when my DP has had a day off (annual leave) I’ve put a load of washing in and come home and it’s still in the machine even though he’s been in all day. Things like that drive me nuts as I would be all over it if it were my day off. Yes that’s my choice, but it’s also stuff that needs doing and if he doesn’t do it on his day off then it’s left for me to do when I get home from work.

I don’t think men think about housework whereas for women it’s an ‘always on’ thing. So yes, even if it’s my day off those jobs still need doing. If DP is off he doesn’t think about the jobs that need doing.

I think a lot of women are socialised to think the house is a reflection on them.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I missed that memo. I am very happy to sit and do nothing, DH actually despairs of my rubbish housekeeping skills. I'm not proud of it, but I do find it a bit embarrassing when I hear all the 'oh men just don't see dirt in the same way' discussions - I don't do more housework than him, I don't see dirt any differently than him, I haven't internalised a need to keep busy and on top of housework.

I'd say most of my close friends would be more focused on keeping their house clean than we would, but would be mostly equal about it. I don't experience this 'men blind to housework' thing in my life, except for maybe among people of my parent's generation.

So, no, I think it varies, and I think the stereotypes that all women spend their days off focused at least in part on the house aren't especially helpful, though I do realise its a lot of people's reality.

Different things for different circumstance here. I've had days off from work where I am doing it specifically to do something for myself, so a day out with a friend for example.

Or there are days off to look after the kids in the holidays and these will either be days out, or if I am off a week a will be more likely to do chores.

I don't think my DH has had a day off work for himself in the last ten years, only for holidays and child care.

I agree with you reddress, it isn't helpful to normalise it.

Women never stop working!

Nope. I do the school run but the but in the middle is spent doing hobbies etc on my days off. Most of them are kept for school holidays but I do have some just by myself doing things for me.

Agree with @reddress too. This sounds like a post from the 70s.

• Just makes me laugh how differently men and women look at ‘a day off’ for me the thought of ‘doing nothing’ is a bit suffocating, I enjoy doing stuff, it’s fine. I’m not some beaten, downtrodden woman.

But yes, we do think very, very differently.

Which I’m sure as former points out, is the same in most households!*

I'm really not sure what your point is here.

Are you trying to justify your lifestyle choices by claiming you have no choice? I am by no means the first poster to point out that it is very much a choice. If you are in an equal relationship, then leisure time would be equal, too, surely.

By all means martyr yourself if that is what you want, but, please, do it with some self awareness rather than blindly thinking that you have no choice.

I get that your partner prefers a days cricket to a domestic round, surely you have done things you would enjoy doing, too. And if you do not, now would be a really good time to discover some. Enjoy.

resting

Oh he would take the Washing out... if he was ‘told’ to

Which I find infuriating!

In our household day off for me is probably:
Get up later than I planned to (probably 9ish), feed chickens, half heartedly throw on some washing, make something nice to eat, potter about, maybe do an online food shop, hang out washing, go to gym, come home, potter around the garden and consider what to make for dinner. Occasionally I’ll abandon most of the tasks in favour of meeting a friend or whatever.

Day off for DH (presuming he’s off without me as otherwise we’d plan stuff together) would probably be: Get up at 5/6, go fishing for a few hours, go home, clean kitchen, put on washing, have lunch, DIY project or gardening, have a nap, go cycling, do a run, have dinner, do some tidying, go to bed.

He’s way more productive than me most of the time! We’re both pretty good at doing basic household jobs and still making time for ourselves though.