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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ‘day off’ means different things for men and women...

151 replies

CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 07:31

My day off;

Day (and evening) off work
School run
So bleach toilets
Tidy front garden
Buy furniture for shed repair

Service washing machine
Baby group

Supermarket
School run
Take kids to watering hole

Then this evening after putting kids to bed
Paint the decking white

DH day off -

Yay! Cricket

I imagine this is the same in every household?

OP posts:
BrexitWife · 26/06/2018 09:24

For him it has to be routine

For me it’s nature

Yep you have both been well conditioned that women do all the hw and men don’t.
There is nothing ‘natural’ about thinking about putting the washing to dry or cleaning the loo.

adaline · 26/06/2018 09:25

Someone has to choose to do it, otherwise it will never be done.

Of course, but you don't have to give up your days to do it! I fit in chores around work unless completely unavoidable, just so that I can spend my days off relaxing and doing whatever I please.

Of course some things need doing daily - dishes, feeding/walking pets, looking after children, but those tasks are actually pretty minimal. But then I've always been a big advocate of an equal split of tasks between both partners - I can't imagine marrying/having a family with someone who had to be told that the laundry needed hanging out, or the dishes needed doing.

Surely adults just do this stuff? It baffles me on these threads that grown adults need to be told to do basic housework on a regular basis!

FierceDragonMother · 26/06/2018 09:26

Nope. If I'm having a day off then I'm having a day off! 😁
Hubby is likely to do a bit of pot and clothes washing on his day off.

SpandexTutu · 26/06/2018 09:27

I remember my husband getting cross with me one weekend because we had been busy doing jobs and kids stuff and he was annoyed we hadn't done anything he wanted to do.
That's when I realised that he genuinely thought that running the kids round, shopping, cleaning etc were 'my things' that I wanted to spend my time doing, while cycling and running were 'his things'.
WTF?

Obviouspretzel · 26/06/2018 09:27

More fool you then.

Original poster
CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 09:27

Hilarious how an obvious tongue in cheek post has become a vessel for women to talk about how perfect their menz are.

Yes I do the stuff I want to do.

I also have more than enough down time, I don’t work in a workhouse and spend plenty of time chilling/slobbing/training

I just couldn’t physically spend 3 hours just watching cricket, it’s utterly beyond me how anyone could.

I don’t think he sees it as ‘women’s work’ it’s more than he just doesn’t SEE it

OP posts:
nervousnails · 26/06/2018 09:29

Me on a day off: Walk the dogs, garden, clean the house, cook, telly.

DH: Wake up fucking early, go for a swim, play cricket, come back and watch nextflix, stay in a coma till late evening. Then go to the pub and meet friends.

adaline · 26/06/2018 09:33

I just couldn’t physically spend 3 hours just watching cricket, it’s utterly beyond me how anyone could.

Who says you had to? You can spend three hours doing whatever it is you enjoy - shopping, going for a walk, sleeping, watching Netflix, seeing friends, going out for lunch.

I have to say I would not be in a relationship where I spent my days off doing housework while my partner spent his doing fuck all!

Johnnyfinland · 26/06/2018 09:34

Nah, I must be a man then because I can happily leave housework piling up in favour of slobbing around. In my last long relationship where we lived together it was him who did all the housework and me who did bugger all

Original poster
CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 09:35

He doesn’t do fuck all. He does what I tell him to do!!

But yes, If he had one day off his default would be cricket. Mine is definitely ‘what stuff can we fill today with’

right now I’m watching Po5 and waiting for rice pudding to cook...

OP posts:
MrsPreston11 · 26/06/2018 09:36

Sounds like you're being a martyr too.

My husband and I alternate days off, we each get 2 per month (own our own business)

On mine I tend to meet friends for a coffee/chat after school drop off. Then I head home (with something yummy for lunch) and clean to my hearts content.

My husband sometimes goes to a coffee shop to sit on the laptop, or he potters around at home, or he just plays playstation.

It's our DAY OFF. We do what the fuck we want. And don't get shitty with each other for it. Some of my days off I stay with friends all day/go out shopping, he doesn't care that the house isn't sparkling that day like it is on my "normal" days off. Then, as normal, we all chip in and get the house up straight.

The other 28 days of the month we work together for our home/family. So I'm guessing your real issue is with the rest of your time, not the actual day off.

Pascha · 26/06/2018 09:36

DH doesn't really take days off outside the weekend but on the rare occasion it happens he fidgets until he has a list of stuff to do. His idea of hell would be having nothing to sort and nowhere to sort it.

adaline · 26/06/2018 09:36

He doesn’t do fuck all. He does what I tell him to do!!

But why does he have to be told? He's a grown up, surely he knows for himself what housework needs doing?

TeeBee · 26/06/2018 09:36

Nope, my OH rarely takes a day off work, and is currently also working 14 hours a day every weekend to build something for me. But his days off constitute a list of other things he wants to do, which normally include an hour in the gym, a run, cleaning his flat, doing the washing, catching up on emails, visiting his family. He doesn't do lazy.

Pascha · 26/06/2018 09:39

My day off the is today and I've started by taking some clothes back to the shop and stopped for coffee. Next on the list is another return, quick stop in the supermarket then home for laundry, general clean up and some gardening.

'Days off' are a misnomer. To me it just means 'not in paid work today'

Original poster
CantankerousCamel · 26/06/2018 09:40

Pascha

Quite!

I’m not getting paid at any point today, therefore day off!

It’s a nice day might wash the bedding

OP posts:
geekone · 26/06/2018 09:42

No my day off (holiday that is) if child is off school but DH working is to go somewhere with him and have fun. DH day off is cut grass fix fence, do garden convert loft clean floors etc etc. If we are all off together I make him relax.
I don’t see child care as a job so I can relax and look after DS and DDog. If it is just my normal day off then I have to do the jobs too but not when in holiday. DH and I took a day off last week and left the child and dog with DF to go on a long day and night date. Annual leave should not be wasted in jobs. So YABU

RainbowBriteRules · 26/06/2018 09:43

I totally get it OP. If I have a day off then that gives me 4 hours or so if time while the kids are at school. I spend that 4 hours of time trying to stay on top of the house, life , laundry. Never quite manage to get on top of them and then it is time to pick the kids up. I never sit and do nothing much as I would love to.

Pascha · 26/06/2018 09:45

I'm not rushing, mind! Still drinking my coffee in Dunelm...

BlindAssassin1 · 26/06/2018 09:45

I fit in chores around work unless completely unavoidable, just so that I can spend my days off relaxing and doing whatever I please.

This is what I've done - cram chores in around other work to free up time later on. But when later on came I found there was still more stuff I could be getting on with. What I think my DP, and probably the OPs DH too, is block off that free time with a focused single minded-ness. Come hell or high water they are doing fuck all because that's what they have planned.

When DP is on his own with the DC its bare minimum stuff - everyone fed no one dead. He wouldn't think to do reading, spellings etc, organise birthdays, put an extra load of laundry on so I, or even him, can have some free time later.

geekone · 26/06/2018 09:47

Btw DH not even close to perfect his lack of relaxing is a nightmare so not trying to be smug.

JessicaJonesJacket · 26/06/2018 09:47

It's not that posters didn't get the humour, it's that you 'jokingly' presented what you thought was an universal truth that a lot of us don't recognise.

I had a day off yesterday. It looked like:

  • make breakfast for DS and leave out clothes I wanted him to wear for going out later
  • book tickets for different events for DSIS; DM and DH
  • order online shop
  • call elderly relative to check they were ok
  • skype nephew who is overseas
  • visit DSIS
  • watch an hour of netflix

DH's evening off involved building furniture.

He'd rather go to work than spend a day watching sports and we're both working hard to move away from the dynamic of the 'woman' does everything and the man lazes about. So your OP didn't reflect our lives.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 26/06/2018 09:50

My days off are categorically not for extra housework. I've always taken this stance. I might take a bit more time cooking something nice for tea, but I enjoy that. I'll do my general daily share, but no more.

Quite often I'll have come off a late shift the night before so I do need some extra bed time. I might take the dogs somewhere more scenic for their daily walk and I'll often meet DD for lunch somewhere if she's got a break. I might also go shopping or take myself off somewhere in the car for a bit. I need my down time and derive no pleasure or satisfaction whatsoever from housework. I'd rather be at work.

BarbedBloom · 26/06/2018 09:50

Not here. We both do jobs on our day off, but will devote a few hours to that and then allow for downtime too. In our case though we don’t have children so we can get most jobs done in the evening anyway

MishMashMosher · 26/06/2018 09:55

On DHs days off he will do loads of housework and does not relax at all. He might have an hour or so on the xbox but he's one of those people who will put a load of washing on before he's even made himself a coffee.

Me on the other hand Wink I make the most of it. Of course I do little jobs here and there but my day off is to relax. Although, I've just started an online course, so my day off will now just be doing coursework....