Lets call a spade a spade

[Storm4star]

I tend to go on this board and relationships. There are two thread's going on right now where meeting someone new in your 40s is mentioned. Now I know there are people who meet good partners at 40/50/60 and beyond! But lets get real here. The chances of meeting "Mr Right" are pretty slim at these ages. Some get lucky of course but it really isn't the same as being single in your 20's or even 30's.

I have several single, intelligent, nice and attractive friends. Only one has had a significant relationship in the 15 years I've know them! They can't all be "too fussy", they can't all be "loving" being single, well I know they're not as they often say they wish they could meet someone.

It isn't easy and I don't think we should pretend that it is. I've tried OLD on and off, and the (sometimes) single men are in roughly three groups:

1. Young men wanting an older woman for sex
2. Older men who haven't "achieved" ie they're living in a bedsit on minimum wage and aspire to be "cocklodgers"
3. The tiny third group are decent looking men with a decent career. But they want a woman 10 years younger because they feel they deserve it for being a "good catch".

Being older and trying to meet someone decent of your own age is damn tough. Lets not try and pretend it isn't.

I can't understand why what one poster says, using an expression like 'chaff', seemingly has such an impact on so many of you? It's an opinion and whilst it might cause a bit of an intake of breath, it's not rude and it's not 'hideous' either.

My personal view is that figure shape doesn't matter as much as how you dress it, carry it and how you present yourself. What is - in my opinion - a 'fact' is that a 6-12 woman could always find a man to fuck her but so could she at 12-24+. If that's what you're going for, living dildo, then this is not the most difficult thing to acquire.

I don't much like the posts 'bragging' about their younger/fitter whatever 'partners'. That's just perpetuating what OP is saying, just the other way around, and it's a bit pathetic when women feel the need to do that. If you have a partner that you like/love then great, more power to your elbow, but you diminish them with fatuous statements about their desirability in so far as that translates to your own.

I'm convinced that looks are everything BUT with the caveat that what looks good is in the eye of the beholder and that's about it. Nothing else to say about it really.

I think that women who fall within 6-32 can find someone to make a life with, whether that's friendship, companionship and/or romantic. In a great many ways it will come down to luck and more so - opportunity and the ability to recognise and grasp it.

I think it's 'easy' to find someone else if you've been so battered by life and men that you have no standards (or very low ones). If your previous partner cheated, sat on his arse all day, never cooked you a meal and beat you up every Saturday night, then a bloke who doesn't work or lift a finger in the house but doesn't cheat or beat you up is a positive catch. Whereas other women who've got higher standards wouldn't even think twice about dating him.

I'm not yet 30 but close and I already know what the op means. Currently longterm single and more or less plan to be for the foreseeable as I can't see myself in a relationship.

Most of my close friends are mid to late 30's and one or two in their 40's and I've seen 2nd hand what the dating world is like for them. It's kind of depressing but it's just set me up to not settle and not pine for a any relationship and realise I'm perfectly fine on my own,
Although will miss intimacy and those private moments you never can have with anyone else. Maybe Mr "right" will crawl out of the woodwork somewhere.

I'm not fussy, I'm just not settling.

Um I think women (or men) who've had a shitty relationship before often have the opposite of low standards. Certainly that's the case with me.

Dp also happens to be 6 years younger, not bragging, he just is.

[grin]@ShatnersWig

I'm going to just accept the fact that I will be alone forever. I have children, relatives and friends. There is no way I will ever, ever, ever, go man hunting.

Name changed from earlier to add a bit more detail. I was exactly the same as this. Had a great life with my friends, holidays etc.
I had LTB 6yrs earlier, had no intention of meeting anybody since. Would never stay with a man for the sake of being with somebody. Preferred to be single forever than compromise.

We were at a local function when I was chatting to a friend of a friend. Very casually, like I would talk to a neighbour. When he turned around and asked me on a date, my reaction (in my head) was 'are you on fuckin drugs '. I did not see this coming at all.

We swapped numbers, I made a joke about see how he feels tomorrow when the beer goggles have gone. (Yes I'm a 22)
We had a date the following week, both nervous as hell.
Just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary.

I'm quite taken aback at how negative some of you are about all this. You know, it's actually not all black and white. My friend who was bankrupt and met a wealthy man didn't actually meet Richard Gere! He certainly wouldn't be my type! (Unlike the lovely Richard.) But they really suit each other, which is what it's all about.

You've got to believe that somewhere out there, amongst the many millions of people, is someone, probably several someone's, who are perfect for you. If you can't even embrace this as a possibility then it's probably no wonder that you're single. As I've said already, it's all about belief. Start by looking around and noticing other happy couples. They're not fairytale characters, they're real people who fart and belch and argue, as well as laughing and cuddling and holding hands. If you're someone who can't believe it's possible, I would definitely encourage you to start noticing other happy couples. I think it might help you to open to the belief that it's there for you too.

I'm not fussy, I'm just not settling

I think this is an important point and one a lot of pp have made in various forms.

The last guy I dated, about a year ago now, was an ok guy on many levels. But he was massively insecure. To the point where one night I didn't answer his text message for a couple of hours and he traveled the 1.5 hour distance between our homes because he was "worried" about me! (We'd been dating 3 weeks at this point!). All I'd been doing was watching a film with my DD! To me that was a major red flag, and I ended it because I've been in a controlling relationship before and his behaviour was concerning to me.

So yes I guess I could find a partner easily enough if I wanted to but I'd rather stay single than get into the wrong relationship.

Indeed LadyRochford, it wouldn't be desirable for me as I prefer older men myself, always have. Each to their own but mentioning the age group of a partner is really quite irrelevant as it depends on some many variables.

Bragging isn't about the age of the man either, it's the same shit that some men pull, ie. "I'm so desirable myself that I can 'get' what other people would envy me for". In real life they wouldn't and it just looks what it actually is, 'pitching themselves against (trying to be above) the competition' and it's nothing more than sad posturing.

I mean, if you prefer x-type man and get interest from a y-type man it will depend on your own 'bar' and your interest in pursuing it further.

We're really not all the same and I think we'd be happier if we stopped trying to mould ourselves into what other people's views are of what's attractive/desirable, etc.

And let's be honest, we all have preferences, some of which other people may find arbitrary or daft. I know several women who refuse point blank to date anyone under 6ft because they like to feel secure in having a partner who is taller than them when they wear heels. Some of them are 5ft 3 or 5 ft 4 so a guy of 5ft 10 would still be taller. Nope, gotta be six feet. Doesn't matter how nice he is, he's gotta be over 6ft.

People are attracted to what they find attractive. Some people will compromise, others won't. It is what it is.

Where were you propositioned by PM shatner? Here!?

@Battleax Yes, just the same as HelenaDove was and with the exact same message. I've been on here for seven years and I've heard of people occasionally getting those sorts of private messages before if they've made any sort of comment about having gone without sex for years or wanting to know how to find a FWB etc. Never thought I'd receive one. What a shame it was a bloke, I might have said yes otherwise after eight years

Well I never.

Shatters me too. And here was me thinking I was special

That's the thing Lying, I said not bragging because age isn't a thing for me, older, younger, same age - doesn't matter. It's the person I tend to fall for. I actually mentioned it in reference to your previous post about braggers to make a point.

I don't agree as started dating again at age 53 and met lots of lovely men and still friends but found my partner after only a few months of OLD.

I had lots of offers from younger men but knew I wanted to find someone within my age range and same life priorities.

Oh, and haven't seen size 6 -12 since pre-teens and a comfortable size 16/18.

I didn't waste my time and theirs chatting to someone at a different stage of life than myself. Found my guy who is same age, completely different than what I would have picked but by putting myself out there OLD I was able to meet someone who tickles my toes in every way.

I would look for advice from people who are successful at the thing I want to know about

Ah but I'm very successful at being single

I strongly suspect there's something in the trite old adage that "it will find you when you're not looking".

I've been asked out on a fair few occasions since my marriage broke down, on each occasion (coupled) friends have been aghast that I would turn them down.

I think we really need to start creating a society where being in a couple isn't the pinnacle of achievement and removing the pressure that I think some women do face to "settle".

I had a friend who separated about 10 months after I did. From the minute she separated she "couldn't be alone" and was "desperate for a relationship". Shes since (in 3 years) been married again and that's now crumbling because she settled for not being alone rather than an active choice to be WITH someone.

I was able to meet someone who tickles my toes in every way.

Love that!

ShatnersWig. So you ARE a man? Do you know how many people on here have to rub their thighs when you are on a thread? (Admittedly we're all chaff but even so ...)

Also I want to complain you all frightened Duchy off and he was going to be excellent value; I reckon he would have literally dug himself into a massive shitty trench given time. Tsk. Every time we get someone nice to play with ....

To all the people who got the pm proposition, I feel slightly put out now that I didn't get it!

Guess I must be chaff!

@StaplesCorner It's much more fun to rub someone else's thighs. And one man's chaff is another man's chuff wheat surely!

Sorry.

Well this just took a dive

I did apologise Battleax

Goes to the naughty step.

Its just that I’m eating.

I’m not surprised you get grubby PMs. I imagine you’re about to get another two dozen 😏

That's the only one I've ever had in all the years. I shall let you know if I suddenly get another two dozen. Without naming them, obviously.

Oh, and just for the record, despite the name I have a full head of genuine hair. It's even my own. And my own teeth. But I'm not the requisite 6ft tall

If you’re blatantly advertising, you should probably mention where you are 😂