Lets call a spade a spade

[Storm4star]

I tend to go on this board and relationships. There are two thread's going on right now where meeting someone new in your 40s is mentioned. Now I know there are people who meet good partners at 40/50/60 and beyond! But lets get real here. The chances of meeting "Mr Right" are pretty slim at these ages. Some get lucky of course but it really isn't the same as being single in your 20's or even 30's.

I have several single, intelligent, nice and attractive friends. Only one has had a significant relationship in the 15 years I've know them! They can't all be "too fussy", they can't all be "loving" being single, well I know they're not as they often say they wish they could meet someone.

It isn't easy and I don't think we should pretend that it is. I've tried OLD on and off, and the (sometimes) single men are in roughly three groups:

1. Young men wanting an older woman for sex
2. Older men who haven't "achieved" ie they're living in a bedsit on minimum wage and aspire to be "cocklodgers"
3. The tiny third group are decent looking men with a decent career. But they want a woman 10 years younger because they feel they deserve it for being a "good catch".

Being older and trying to meet someone decent of your own age is damn tough. Lets not try and pretend it isn't.

Peppermint For once, I don't think gender matters. Chaff is clearly attractive, end of.

Battle Not one. Like I said, you lot are all talk. Two dozen. Yeah right.

God what's the point of being single if you can't enjoy a double bed to yourself? That's one of the best bits! I bloody love getting into bed now :o No more being shaken around by ex trying to get comfortable, having him switch the light off when it suited HIM and dealing with his Yellow Head Excretion ruining the pillows. Or feeling guity about not wanting sex - again.

What a PP said about projecting NO THANKS - I think I do that too. The last few years with ex were so, so awful and I'm still just soaking up the bliss of not having to be around him. The thought of another relationship just seems like so much hard work and so much risk of accidentally ending up with another abusive twat who seemed nice to start with. I do vaguely have a look at OLD, I've never met up with anyone though I may get to that point - but I can't imagine ever living with a man again.

I don't know what acronym I need. 40 years old. Size 10. Own my home, a holiday house, and an investment property. Employed. One child, donor conceived, so no ex to deal with. Why am I still single?

Oh, it's because I like my life like it is, and don't need a relationship to complicate the situation I have now. I own three properties (mortgage free), have no debts, I am doing the job I always wanted to do, and have the child I always wanted without dealing with an ex. It's actually ok to be by yourself, and you don't need a partner to take care of you.

If I happened to meet someone and fell over heels in love, then I'd be open to it. But I would never risk what I own right now just for a relationship. I think that when you reach a certain point in life, a relationship should be less important than being secure in what you have made for yourself.

This thread has made me reconsider that I should not bother and just resign myself to current existence.

You'll be much happier on your own than in an unhappy marriage. So will your kids.

Perhaps because they have the security of a home which will always be theirs, the freedom to do what they want and when they want, not have to put up with the snoring and duvet hogging and having all the credit for bringing up fantastic children?

I can't see the point in sharing my life with another adult when I have whatever I want from life without any need to compromise with AN Other.

Can I just check you’ve all unticked the “no divorces” box?

my G/F and I have been together 10 years she is boyish , I am FEM/MOR , we both in our 40,s constantly get hit on by straight men, who know , neither of us are interested in the slightest

our straight female friends in their 30/40 who are gorgeous , are constantly being used by men and ex, boyfriends, and cant get a date

but don't expect any dramatic movements until after the world cup , and avoid POF

but if it helps buy a rainbow pin, you,ll be inundated by straight men trying it on ha ha

men always want what they cant have !

This is an interesting issue. I'm 53, and I left a 20 year marriage last year which was sexless for the past 14 of those. I moved 300 miles away and am now building a new life for myself in the NE and am happier than I've been for years. I've thought a lot about having a relationship and would love to meet someone for all the reasons others have outlined and i've got a tiny bit of hope that might happen though I am also aware it might not. I've had a couple of dates with a lovely guy I met through one of my jobs, and I also dabbled with OLD but didn't get on with it terribly well. I'm not a size 12 though I'm now losing weight and am cycling more but I am confident and happy and I definitely don't feel invisible. I'm happy to give it time and see what unfolds.