Lets call a spade a spade

[Storm4star]

I tend to go on this board and relationships. There are two thread's going on right now where meeting someone new in your 40s is mentioned. Now I know there are people who meet good partners at 40/50/60 and beyond! But lets get real here. The chances of meeting "Mr Right" are pretty slim at these ages. Some get lucky of course but it really isn't the same as being single in your 20's or even 30's.

I have several single, intelligent, nice and attractive friends. Only one has had a significant relationship in the 15 years I've know them! They can't all be "too fussy", they can't all be "loving" being single, well I know they're not as they often say they wish they could meet someone.

It isn't easy and I don't think we should pretend that it is. I've tried OLD on and off, and the (sometimes) single men are in roughly three groups:

1. Young men wanting an older woman for sex
2. Older men who haven't "achieved" ie they're living in a bedsit on minimum wage and aspire to be "cocklodgers"
3. The tiny third group are decent looking men with a decent career. But they want a woman 10 years younger because they feel they deserve it for being a "good catch".

Being older and trying to meet someone decent of your own age is damn tough. Lets not try and pretend it isn't.

@shinycat - Completely serious.

So, how many people do you need it to happen to before you believe it can happen to you?

@user1490607838

The people who think women can get a man 'just like that' are the same people who think you can retrain for a new career at 53, because 'you're just a spring chicken,' and employers are going to be banging the door down to employ a 59 y.o. woman with an open university degree she took 6 years to get!! And of COURSE it's perfectly acceptable to start having babies at 46. I know loads of people who have done it.' hmm

I don't agree. I've definitely got my issues, it's just that this 'finding a partner' thing isn't one of them, which is why I thought I would join in here.

Just read this through this entire thread and feel utterly depressed. I'm fifty bloody five next month, size 16 ("chaff) and in the throes if a divorce. I wasn't happy with my husband but To be honest I'm not happy now. I am aware that my chances of ever meeting anyone else are remote, tho I did have a fling with an ex boyfriend from way back. But think that is my only hope, reigniting old flames who remember you when you were young and gorgeous (non chaff) and can overlook the expanding waistline and grey hair.
My friends are well meaning and kind and say I'm really attractive and should do OLD. I kind of accept that's the only way I will ever meet anyone at my advanced age, but just can't bring myself to do it. Feel lonely and scared of what the future holds.

Is the only option on line? Does no one go looking for a partner in real life?

No idea if its more likely to work but its very depressing if the only way to meet people is through a computer.

@Sandandsea

A friend of mine went bankrupt, lost her house, was very overweight, unwell etc etc. She met a very wealthy man and they got married and are still together now about 10 years on. It's not about the weight or the renting or any of that shit. Please trust me on this.

shinycat .......

are you being serious right now?

sandandsea

Completely serious
How many people do you need it to happen to for you to believe it?

How many people do I need it to happen to to believe what you say?

One will do.

I have never known one person have something like this happen - ever.... A very overweight, very ill woman goes bankrupt and loses her house, and then meets a very wealthy man who sweeps her off her feet, falls in love with her, and they both live happily ever after.

Never known anything like this happen to anyone I know, and it sounds more like a script of a badly written, cheesy romcom.

There are millions and millions of decent men available out there.

No love, that is really, really not true.

Wasn't Julia Roberts, fat, bankrupt, very ill and homeless when Richard Gere swept her off her feet?

Oh wait was that a movie?

Exactly - @walkingdeadfangirl

I mean, I don't think she was fat, but yeah, what @Sandandsea said does sound like a film script and certainly not like anything that would ever happen in real life.

Most men and romantic relationships are vastly overrated in terms of the joy they bring to a woman’s life.

Fucking hell, this thread is depressing.

I'm going to just accept the fact that I will be alone forever. I have children, relatives and friends. There is no way I will ever, ever, ever, go man hunting. I can do without sex, and as far as I can see most of these men who are looking for single 50 somethings aren't worth any investment at all.

It’s the chaff that struggle & that is being blunt.

No, not blunt. Rhymes though.

I'm going to just accept the fact that I will be alone forever. I have children, relatives and friends. There is no way I will ever, ever, ever, go man hunting. I can do without sex, and as far as I can see most of these men who are looking for single 50 somethings aren't worth any investment at all.

Best way to think @maryzsnewaccount, you can't be disappointed then.

He hasn't gone looking on OLD he just looks at the U3A timetable and signs up for as much as he can fit in.
^
Brilliant

LOL at the U3A comment. Harsh!!!

Great post, user1490607838

Sorry shiny. Hope it didn't come across as mean.

Nah it didn't come across as mean @halfwitpicker. I'm only joshing!

I couldn't disagree more with a lot of these posts.

One it is far far easier for women of any age than it is for men. They aren't put off by children and aren't looking for younger women. I'm early 40s and since my marriage broke up ive had 2 quite serious relationships with men in their early 30s.

If they like you they like you. Age/size etc.. is just a number.

Not only am I a pig in knickers but ruddy chaff as well. Super.

I may as well sew up my decrepit lulu and don a bloody crimplene A-line frock and natty cardi.

I've only been single for 14 years - you'd think I'd have realised by now I was unwanted and the reasons why. 50 and fat and unworthy of anyone.

I must be thick. No. Sorry. Wrong word. Wide. That's the one.

battleax

@Willyoujustbequiet totally agree, won't give too many details as I think I've pretty much outed myself recently but can't be arsed to name change again. I'm (just) over 40, dp 35 and he certainly wasn't the only one interested when I became single. Before I was in an extremely shitty toxic marriage, no way was I staying in that.

If your attitude to dating again at whatever age is negative and fatalistic- I reckon it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I haven’t read the full thread yet, but what I have read something sticks out to me , and that is owns his own home.....why is that so important? Lots of decent men rent places!

i dunno. in my circle of friends, ones i have known for years, 2 that got divorced/split are now in long term relationships that started with OLD. they are fairly normak to look at, not size 12 or below. but i dont think they were looking for mr perfect either.

42, good job although currently on extended mat leave, own hair and own colour, own teeth, size 10-12, fit and active, good hobbies, good cook, excellent baker, strong, independent, intelligent, loving, caring, warm, empathetic, and beautiful )or so I've been told by many). Single.

Well things are looking up. I had a private message from someone 29 looking for no strings sex and wondering if I was interested - because I had commented on a thread last year where lots of us were bemoaning being long term single and the lack of sex.

Sadly, said person obviously hadn't read the thread properly and didn't realise he had propositioned another bloke. I may be long-term single,. but I'm still looking for a female partner thanks.

I reported it to MNHQ last night. Sigh. Every time I try and say "actually some of us men are perfectly decent, don't cheat, own our own home, no debt, OK job, respectful, can cook" some wanker comes along to do his best to prove me wrong.

I think a lot of women in their 40s who have been through divorce are a lot clearer on what they want and don't want in a relationship and are strong and confident and won't tolerate any shit. That's off-putting to a lot of men who want someone they can "look after" control and make subservient. So we'd rather be happily single than in a miserable relationship. Our bullshit radar is more finely tuned and we are happier in our own skin and don't need a man. Sure, one would be nice. But we don't need one. And a lot of men need to be needed. That's my experience.

Sadly, said person obviously hadn't read the thread properly and didn't realise he had propositioned another bloke

😂😂 aww Shatner, that about sums it up doesn’t it!

I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention to depress everyone! I just think it’s giving people false hopes to say they can “easily” find someone else. It isn’t easy. I’m glad it’s happened for some of you. But I think the better advice to give to people is to learn to be happy on their own. If they’re going to leave a marriage they need to do so on the basis that there are not a queue of eligible partners waiting to sweep them off their feet. Otherwise there is a big risk they will be very disappointed.