Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Am I crazy or should I be worried?

301 replies

flydojd · 23/06/2018 17:51

I can't actually believe I am writing this, I've been with my fiance for eight years and always trusted him. We've had our problems, but I've never thought he would cheat or anything like that.

He has a rather unusual hobby (can't say what it is as it's so unsual it would be outing), which takes up 2-3 weekends a month. Sometimes he has to travel around the country for it, which means he's away for the whole weekend. This used to be rare, but now it's happening more and more often.

This weekend he's away. He left very early in the morning, and he's staying overnight in a Travelodge (he says). He says he's staying in the same room with a man who also does this hobby. What's really odd is the Travelodge is only 15 miles away. He said he's staying over as there's no point coming back for the night, but the hobby activities finished at about 4pm.

I'm finding this really, really odd, and confronted him about why he's staying at the hotel. He said it's easier for everyone, but I just don't get it?

Wow, maybe I sound crazy. I think this is more of a problem because our sex life has been very infrequent over the last year (once a month or so). I don't even know what I think he's doing, I just think it's odd he's staying at the hotel and questioning everything. Am I insane? Should I push this further with him?

OP posts:

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 19:21

could they be carrying out the sport in the travelodge op?
or sort of after hours?

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 23/06/2018 19:22

Short distances by car is nothing, short distances by train can be an arse. We went to a party once, would have been a 30 - 40 min drive in a car. For us it involved a 15 minute walk to the train station, a train into town, a train out of town, then a 30 minute wait at another train station in the middle of nowhere, catching another train then a 40 minute walk down a canal path then a country road. We had to leave at 7 am for a 10.30 party and were still 10 minutes late. Doing the journey home the kids were so exhausted they practically passed out on the train.

I really need to start my driving lessons again.

Original poster

flydojd · 23/06/2018 19:23

No they can't be doing the hobby in the Travelodge, it's an outdoor sport

OP posts:

IDearlyLoveALaugh · 23/06/2018 19:23

Yy to going in the morning before check out to pick him up as a surprise!

glamorousgrandmother · 23/06/2018 19:25

The faff and expense of the train is neither here nor there. The event finished at 4pm and he will have it all to do in the morning anyway having spent the money on the hotel room as well.

Abandoned · 23/06/2018 19:26

Call him! If he's just there with his friend then he'll answer! If he doesn't then try again every 20 mins until he does!

Maybe even tell him there's some kind of crisis and you need him to get home ASAP (or that you need to pick him up ASAP) and check his reaction.... If he agrees to come/let you pick him up then you can always say "Oh no it's ok it's sorted now"

That will get you your answer... Good luck

tempester28 · 23/06/2018 19:32

Is it a reciprocal thing where if he shares the hotel bill with the other person then they drive him to the sport?

You could invite the other person to stay next time and see how he reacts.

RafikiIsTheBest · 23/06/2018 19:33

Is he doing the sport/hobby the following day as well? I'd rather stay in a cheap hotel overnight than spend money and wait around for public transport to get home to come back again the next day. I get that it isn't far, but I'd enjoy a night away from a possibly strained relationship with a friend to chat about the event.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 23/06/2018 19:33

Do you have the friend's phone number? You could ring him and say you haven't been able to get through to your fiancé.

Original poster

flydojd · 23/06/2018 19:38

I don't even know his name! @anyrandtheobjectivist

OP posts:

FuckPants · 23/06/2018 19:39

Oh I'd be like a fly on shit with this. Does he leave his laptop at home? If so take it to someone who can break into it when he's at his hobby. Also go to the travel lodge, although would someone be so stupid as to telling their OH that info? I'd go anyway and have a steak out, if he does have a lover there, they may well leave together in the morning and then you go up to him and confront the bastard!

WTF? ?

2blueshoes · 23/06/2018 19:39

It could be that he wants to spend time with other people, who have come further and are staying at the hotel, to drink and geek out with their shared hobby??

If your gut is twitching, usually it pays to listen to it.

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 19:40

Each of these things alone is pretty weird, although not necessarily reason enough to confront a man who you fully trust.

But altogether, it is quite worrying. Especially being protective about his laptop and phone. That just screams infidelity. A trustworthy person just doesn't do that in an 8-year relationship, sorry.

Jaxtellerswife · 23/06/2018 19:40

So are you going to go?

kateandme · 23/06/2018 19:41

if after 8 years.i thought my partner was cheating.id be seriously worrying bout the raltionship whether he is actually doing it ornot.sorry op :(

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 19:41

I'd go anyway and have a steak out, if he does have a lover there, they may well leave together in the morning and then you go up to him and confront the bastard!

I don't understand the relevance of eating out. Is it like "treat yourself" to a special steak dinner because your OH is being unfaithful?

mzsink · 23/06/2018 19:41

Don't go op. Just try look at his phone

Wifeincognito · 23/06/2018 19:42

Trust your gut and try get into his computer. Wouldn't usually suggest this at all BUT the secrecy bit would get to me big time

Skarossinkplunger · 23/06/2018 19:43

I’ve stayed in a hotel about 20 mins away from home because I didn’t want to miss out on late night hotel bar drinks/breakfast with my mates.

If my husband wanted me to enable find my friends, or the password to my phone I’d leave him.

susiella · 23/06/2018 19:46

Diego I think the pp means stake out, i.e setting up & watching

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 19:48

If my husband wanted me to enable find my friends, or the password to my phone I’d leave him.

This discussion has been done to death on mumsnet and of course there are people who like their privacy in a relationship and "don't feel the need to share everything", but when someone is OVER protective of their phone or laptop, it's usually a bad sign. OP said her OH "goes mad" if she touches his phone!

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 19:48

susiella

I debated whether the grin emoji was needed to show I was joking.... Seems it wasn't enough in fact! lol

Justaboy · 23/06/2018 19:49

Got a gut feeling he might possibly be gay or have tendendincies that way.

hendricksy · 23/06/2018 19:50

@WingsOnMyBoots

Find my friends is an app that you can see exactly where your friends are if they have an Apple phone .
I'm sure there are other apps available for other makes etc

Crunchymum · 23/06/2018 19:52

There is a lot to be said for intuition.

What do you want to do about it though OP?

Do you want to gather more evidence? Speak to him when he gets home and see if he can allay your fears? Drive over like a bat out of hell and confront him now?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13