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Original poster

Am I crazy or should I be worried?

301 replies

flydojd · 23/06/2018 17:51

I can't actually believe I am writing this, I've been with my fiance for eight years and always trusted him. We've had our problems, but I've never thought he would cheat or anything like that.

He has a rather unusual hobby (can't say what it is as it's so unsual it would be outing), which takes up 2-3 weekends a month. Sometimes he has to travel around the country for it, which means he's away for the whole weekend. This used to be rare, but now it's happening more and more often.

This weekend he's away. He left very early in the morning, and he's staying overnight in a Travelodge (he says). He says he's staying in the same room with a man who also does this hobby. What's really odd is the Travelodge is only 15 miles away. He said he's staying over as there's no point coming back for the night, but the hobby activities finished at about 4pm.

I'm finding this really, really odd, and confronted him about why he's staying at the hotel. He said it's easier for everyone, but I just don't get it?

Wow, maybe I sound crazy. I think this is more of a problem because our sex life has been very infrequent over the last year (once a month or so). I don't even know what I think he's doing, I just think it's odd he's staying at the hotel and questioning everything. Am I insane? Should I push this further with him?

OP posts:
glamorousgrandmother · 23/06/2018 18:42

Is he a morris dancer?
Not that unusual really - Sealed Knot?

I'd need to go and find out. 15 miles isn't far.

Original poster
flydojd · 23/06/2018 18:43

DO people send bottles to Travelodge rooms? I also think the room is in the guy's name and I don't even know what his name is.

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 23/06/2018 18:43

You say your OH doesn't have a car.

Is this a two-day hobby?
Does his friend live a lot further away?

If so, then maybe it really is just more convenient to stay with his mate who is already staying in the travelodge, rather than to have to find a way to come back today and then back over there again tomorrow.

Equally it could be dodgy. I'd definitely phone the travelogue at least to see if he or his friend are definitely staying there. If not, then that's one answer. If they are, well you need to have a conversation with him.

ElMarineroBaila · 23/06/2018 18:43

Hell of a lot of red flags here OP. I'd be suspicious. I'd do a drive past like others have suggested and see if his car is there. But then that doesn't prove who's in the room with him...

mzsink · 23/06/2018 18:43

I'm guessing data protection means you won't get any details from hotel anyway

Sophwalms · 23/06/2018 18:44

I asked my other half who is sat next to me and he said guy point of view that isnt normal he said if it was me he would go to the travelodge. And thats from a guy so go xx

SirVixofVixHall · 23/06/2018 18:44

The travelogue is strange. Although as pps have said he could just want to have a drink at the end or something. The computer/phone is much more worrying, I really can’t imagine why I would lock my computer away from DH unless I was hiding something serious.
As to what you do, I don’t know. I agree that going to the travelogue will only tell you if he is or isn’t there. Not being there could have an innocent reason (out for food ) whereas being there could be something serious ( an affair). So you will be none the wiser really, although I suppose if you checked the car park fairly late then it would rule out the food.
I think you do need to snoop carefully, but I have no clue as to how.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 23/06/2018 18:44

I agree it's odd that he'd rather pay to sleep in a Travelodge with a male friend than take a short train journey home. But I don't understand why everyone is telling OP to go to the hotel. Obviously if he's not there then she's caught him in a lie but if he is there that doesn't mean he's definitely not cheating. Even if he is there with his male friend, they could still be shagging.

Sharkwithknees · 23/06/2018 18:45

Hmm I'm not sure. If they have a bar I can't see why not.

I done this with an ex once. Said he was one place, I had an inkling he was staying at a certain hotel with an OW. I was right. I left the bottle with a note of a funny little saying we used to say to each other so the twat knew it was me Grin

Yours is obviously different, if he IS there, it just proves he is staying there and doesn't really confirm anything. Hmmm....

Sophwalms · 23/06/2018 18:45

@flydojd18 18:44:21
I asked my other half who is sat next to me and he said guy point of view that isnt normal he said if it was me he would go to the travelodge. And thats from a man! X

XiCi · 23/06/2018 18:46

I'd just text or call to say I was bored and on my way over to meet them for a drink. Its an ideal opportunity for you since the hotel is so close and will probably tell you all you need to know

SirVixofVixHall · 23/06/2018 18:46

Oh sorry I’d cross posted so hadn’t seen that he doesn’t have a car.

Sophwalms · 23/06/2018 18:48

@flydojd18 ring the hotel reception and ask the receptionist to put you through to your partners room by his name and say the person he is staying with i need to give him a message as his family cant get through. Youll soon see who picks up the phone x

HollowTalk · 23/06/2018 18:51

Travelodge doesn't have phones in the room.

OP, there's something really wrong here. You know that. His behaviour over the last few years plus his staying over at these events plus his behaviour this weekend all add up to something very suspicious.

SirVixofVixHall · 23/06/2018 18:52

I would be very keen to get into his computer.

mzsink · 23/06/2018 18:53

Is the data protection thing just going out the window then, yeah?

Sammyham88 · 23/06/2018 18:54

2-3 weekends away a month sounds excessive for a hobby and thought that'd be enough to raise alarm bells over your relationship, him being secretive about his phone and computer is also another cause for concern, unless he has something to hide or is embarrassed about then there's no need for that kind of over reaction.

I doubt he's knocking boots with his mate, if he is staying with him, he probably enjoys having a bit of mate time hence why he still wants to stay over when you're only 15 miles away.

I'd leave it for this weekend but ensure when he's back you both have a calm sit down and talk about his behaviour, if he acts defensively then I'd start to worry and you'd have every right to push him further for answers

WingsOnMyBoots · 23/06/2018 18:54

What does Find Friends mean?

kateandme · 23/06/2018 18:56

go book a room
phone and ask for him at the desk then go from there.maybe even then go to hotel and ask for him saying you've come to see your dp
drive there to surpise him early evening saying you've come for a drink as hes been working hard.

itsbritneybiatch · 23/06/2018 18:56

It will prove if he's there or not.

PeakPants · 23/06/2018 18:57

If he doesn't have a car, it makes perfect sense to me, even if only 15 miles away. I would probably do the same- getting the train is a faff and not always cheap either, plus having to walk to and from the station.

I would not drive over there unless you want to look like a loon. Maybe have a chat to him when he comes home and air your concerns, but the fact that he is staying with a friend in a travel lodge is not exactly screaming out cheater of its own.

Fabadabadoo · 23/06/2018 18:57

Seems pretty odd, particularly when coupled with the phone/computer sneakiness.

I'm not sure what to do about the hotel- they can be quite strict about letting on who is staying etc.

In terms of getting access to the laptop/phone, if you watch a film in bed and he drops off, it will then be free access as logged on. You can actually then access quite a lot- for example, if it's a mac, it'd have his messages on as well, and if he uses safari the internet history crops up in the whole computer search even if deleted. Just a suggestion that might work.

Phones are more tricky unless it's also left playing something. If you can get in though you can find out a wealth of info.

Sadly, I speak from experience!

Whatsnewwithyou · 23/06/2018 18:57

If it were me I'd be suspicious that his friend is his sexual partner and that he's bisexual or gay.

PeakPants · 23/06/2018 18:59

phone and ask for him at the desk then go from there.maybe even then go to hotel and ask for him saying you've come to see your dp

Doubt they are allowed to give out this kind of information and it's a huge invasion of privacy. I doubt anyone on here would like their partner to be checking up on them by randomly dropping by for a 'drink'.

Fabadabadoo · 23/06/2018 18:59

I think key here though is:

  1. Does he drive?
  2. Is he going for drinks?

Perhaps call him this evening to ask how it's going? If there are a large group of friends all going for drinks, it makes a bit of sense (though taxi would make far more sense...). If it's all done at 4pm then quick dinner and bed, it makes no sense whatsoever.

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