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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I crazy or should I be worried?

301 replies

flydojd · 23/06/2018 17:51

I can't actually believe I am writing this, I've been with my fiance for eight years and always trusted him. We've had our problems, but I've never thought he would cheat or anything like that.

He has a rather unusual hobby (can't say what it is as it's so unsual it would be outing), which takes up 2-3 weekends a month. Sometimes he has to travel around the country for it, which means he's away for the whole weekend. This used to be rare, but now it's happening more and more often.

This weekend he's away. He left very early in the morning, and he's staying overnight in a Travelodge (he says). He says he's staying in the same room with a man who also does this hobby. What's really odd is the Travelodge is only 15 miles away. He said he's staying over as there's no point coming back for the night, but the hobby activities finished at about 4pm.

I'm finding this really, really odd, and confronted him about why he's staying at the hotel. He said it's easier for everyone, but I just don't get it?

Wow, maybe I sound crazy. I think this is more of a problem because our sex life has been very infrequent over the last year (once a month or so). I don't even know what I think he's doing, I just think it's odd he's staying at the hotel and questioning everything. Am I insane? Should I push this further with him?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 23/06/2018 19:55

Maybe he just wants a night out with a mate and it's easy to combine that with this hobby? I'm probably what you would call secretive with my phone/iPad/computer as well, it doesn't mean I'm secretly shagging someone, it just means I'm private.

Nothing you've said shows a red flag for me OP. You need to be very careful what advice you take from MN. I'm not saying this is all definitely above board but just don't jump to conclusions.

ChocoholicsAsylum · 23/06/2018 19:57

@Fuckpants
@DiegoMadonna

WTF what?

And a steak out is sit in the car and watch all bloody night if you have to! But sure have an actual steak in the lodge while waiting if it helps lol

SofieMonde · 23/06/2018 19:57

Is it hamster racing, dwarf throwing or camel wrestling?? :)

JessieMcJessie · 23/06/2018 19:58

PeakPants what exactly is “comedy” about my saying that OP’s fiancé has lost interest in her? It is not fucking funny to the OP.

hendricksy · 23/06/2018 20:00

It's stakeout .. #justsayin 😂

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 20:03

TidyDancer

If he just wanted a night out with a mate then why wouldn't he just tell OP that?

Even then staying in a hotel is weird. A taxi back would probably be cheaper.

Sammyham88 · 23/06/2018 20:03

ChocoholicsAsylum

It's STAKE-out smh

BringMeTea · 23/06/2018 20:04

#steakout. Don't think the ones attached to Travelodges are up to much though.

TulipsInAJug · 23/06/2018 20:04

Laughing at the thought of OP sitting eating a steak dinner in the Travelodge, waiting for her OP (and 'friend') to appear...Grin

Seriously though I think you need to investigate further OP

ChikiTIKI · 23/06/2018 20:05

Is it battle re-enactment :D

Ellie56 · 23/06/2018 20:09

I suspect he is gay and the unusual hobby is just a cover for spending time with his gay friend.

And gay friend is the reason for the secrecy over the phone/laptop and why your sex life has dwindled.

Sorry OP.

araiwa · 23/06/2018 20:11

Get drunk

Accuse his friend of being his gay lover

Go home in tears of embarrassment

Be single because youre insane

PeakPants · 23/06/2018 20:12

Jessie no I am sure it’s not and it’s fucking rude of you to say something like that to her based on some scant detail from her posts. You have no idea what is going on but just thought you would stir things up for entertainment.

araiwa · 23/06/2018 20:12

By insane i mean you listened to the bollocks advised on mn

happypoobum · 23/06/2018 20:13

YANBU
I would go to the Travelodge - no warning.

Honeyroar · 23/06/2018 20:17

I'm clearly overtired, I didn't understand why people were suggesting you went and had a steak at the Travelodge!

The hotel won't give out client details or confirm who is there. Personally id ring and say "Hi, I'm bored, shall I pop down for a drink?" And see what he says - if he fobs you off
I'd be suspicious.

birdonawire1 · 23/06/2018 20:17

I would ask him what time he is coming home and time it so I can see who he leaves the hotel with. Definitely a stake out situation.

Omzlas · 23/06/2018 20:17

Nah, fuck that for a game of soldiers

It isn't about wanting to read his phone etc, the biggest red flag for me would be (aside from him staying out tonight) the reaction if you go near his laptop - if you have nothing to hide, you don't act like that

I'd be tempted to go to the Travelodge anyway, maybe tomorrow when he's due to check out and see if he actually exits from there

Seems incredibly suspicious to me OP, good luck Biscuit

Good luck OP

PeakPants · 23/06/2018 20:17

As someone else has said if my partner got someone to break into my laptop and then followed me without my knowledge, I would get a restraining order. Do you all realise how unhinged you sound? If you were staying over with a friend, would you think it was okay if your boyfriend convinced himself that you were secretly a lesbian, tried to track your phone and broke into your laptop? I hope not because it’s really sinister.
I am sure you’re just seeing it as a fun bit of Saturday night entertainment but this is a real person and I don’t think anything besides talk to him tomorrow is helpful or constructive.

SirVixofVixHall · 23/06/2018 20:18

Op has he given any reason for being so touchy about his computer and ‘phone ?

ChocoholicsAsylum · 23/06/2018 20:19

@Sammyham88

Stake then... Im a dyslexic twit at times. I cant spell and constantly have to correct things.

chequeplease · 23/06/2018 20:20

Some of these responses are ridiculous!!

Realistically you're probably not going to achieve much by swinging by the Travelodge.
I think the answer to your suspicions will be in this phone or computer so try and sneak a peak when you can.

But remember that it could be nothing. Try not to over think tonight as you won't achieve anything. I hope you get your answers.

Hidillyho · 23/06/2018 20:24

Staying in a hotel 15 miles away is pretty normal for DP and I (but only if we have been drinking as our public transport stops early)
I would be more concerned about the fact he doesn’t want to show you his phone/laptop but that’s only because DP and I have full access to each others so shutting it down after 13yrs would be dodgy

Not really a lot you can do other than confront him when he’s home and ask him outright. Hopefully after 8yrs you’ll know if he’s lying

Omzlas · 23/06/2018 20:27

Anyone else insanely curious about what this activity actually is!!??

Just me?

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 20:27

she cant rock up at the travel lodge, demanding to see her husband as she doesnt know his friends name.