Am I crazy or should I be worried?

[flydojd]

I can't actually believe I am writing this, I've been with my fiance for eight years and always trusted him. We've had our problems, but I've never thought he would cheat or anything like that.

He has a rather unusual hobby (can't say what it is as it's so unsual it would be outing), which takes up 2-3 weekends a month. Sometimes he has to travel around the country for it, which means he's away for the whole weekend. This used to be rare, but now it's happening more and more often.

This weekend he's away. He left very early in the morning, and he's staying overnight in a Travelodge (he says). He says he's staying in the same room with a man who also does this hobby. What's really odd is the Travelodge is only 15 miles away. He said he's staying over as there's no point coming back for the night, but the hobby activities finished at about 4pm.

I'm finding this really, really odd, and confronted him about why he's staying at the hotel. He said it's easier for everyone, but I just don't get it?

Wow, maybe I sound crazy. I think this is more of a problem because our sex life has been very infrequent over the last year (once a month or so). I don't even know what I think he's doing, I just think it's odd he's staying at the hotel and questioning everything. Am I insane? Should I push this further with him?

Only 15 miles away? Secretive with his phone? Yeah, I’d be suspicious.

Can you FaceTime him? Or WhatsApp video call?

I'd turn up and scope out the car park.

Is he a morris dancer?

Eight years together is a long time. Has he always been secretive with his phone and lap top or is this a new thing?

It would play on my mind. I'd have to go to the hotel, see if his car was there then send a few texts to see if he said he was here or not.

Then I'd decide what to do.

my bet is dungeons and dragons session or similar

In the first few years of our relationship he wasn't secretive, he would let me go on his computer whenever I wanted or look at his phone (not that I wanted to). Things changed in the last 2-3 years.

OR he could work for MI5 or be a spy of some kind :) local operative?

Just go there and shout out "room service" and confront him when the door opens

Even if he is in the hotel, he could be shagging his hobby buddy. No one stays in a hotel 15 miles away unless their hiding something

Yes sorry I'd be compelled to check it out in some way.

Sounds like he maybe has a gay friend?

Just ring him and say you will meet them for a drink?

I'd tell him his excuse sounds far-fetched, makes me uncomfortable and would ask him to come home even if he found my request unreasonable, because it would make me feel better to know he values my feelings more than sharing a Travelodge room with a random dude. Although to be honest, at the very least I'd be wanting pre-marital counseling based on the other things in your post, totally apart from any of this.

Yes it’s odd 15 miles is nothing

Can't you do find my friends on your phone ? I can tell where dh is at any time when he is working away ( if I choose to)

I'm not sure what seeing if his car is in the car park would do. If he's where he says it is it doesn't rule out an affair. if you don't see his car in the car park - then what? Maybe he's out for a meal when you check the place out. Or he left his car at the activity place and got a ride with his friend.

You'd need to hunker down for a night/morning of surveillance, and even then you'd only get confirmation of suspicious activity if you see him with someone who isn't the friend he's told you about (which isn't much use if he's having an affair with the friend he's told you about).

Which isn't to say it doesn't all sound suspicious to me, but I think a trip to the hotel would be more likely to fule paranoia than knowledge unless you have more of a plan.

No but if she texts and says along the lines of is your room nice, what are you up to?

If he says he's there, I'd go see if he was.

If He is - someone cleverer than me might be able to suggest what next.

If he isn't - why the fuck not and why is he lying?

I'd be asking if I could meet him for dinner/drinks or get your own room and stay over (leave the 'friend' to it). And defo drive by. Can you face time him?

He doesn't have a car, he gets the train.

He's also disabled Find Friends.

I would ring the hotel and ask for the man who is sharing a room if the receptionist can put your through to them on the phone.you dont have to say a name just make it up and see if they say another person is staying in the room or not xx

Tbh I don't think your going to find out unless you have access to his phone. Always trust your instincts though.

15 Miles is just around the corner. Why would he go through the expense of booking a hotel and not sleeping in his own bed when the petrol home would be cheaper. Even if he wanted to get drunk, asking you to come and fetch him would be still cheaper. I would definitely be driving to the Travelodge to look for his car. If it wasn’t there, I’d be ringing him for a chat.
Hope we are all just paranoid and this turns out to be something completely harmless.

Yes, book a room for yourself!!
I’d just go OP or the wondering will drive you mad!

Really don't know why people are suggestion op go to the hotel. What will it achieve?

Can you call the hotel and ask if you can pay for a bottle to be put in the room booked by your DH - say it's your brother and it's his birthday??