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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP got told off in the supermarket last night

313 replies

OnlyBaBaBiss · 23/06/2018 09:40

DP went to the supermarket last night when he finished work, he took a couple of kids so I could bath the baby while he was gone so he took DD1(6) and DS2(2) with him

He said while he was there an old woman was laughing at something silly DS was doing (being a frog) and came over to say something to DP, he was expecting it to be something nice about DS so greeted her with a smile and got “he’s very sweet but honestly he’ll never learn to behave properly while you’re bringing him out at this time, take him home to bed!”

It wasn’t even 7pm!

DP said he was so surprised he just said “oh ok will do”
DD was so amused that Daddy got told off

AIBU to think that 7pm is not too late to have a 2 year old out ... on a Friday night ... in the summer! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

ChimesAtMidnight · 23/06/2018 10:45

"Sigh"
I've nc for this.
I'm 68 and was part of the 'swinging 60s and the permissive society'.
I went to art college, protested at apartheid, burnt my bra with the feminist movement, and was labelled a 'hippy' by my parents' generation.
Now my hair is grey and I'm assumed to hold 'old fashioned' views and ideas on everything under the sun, be it politics, parenting, whatever. And, of course, being a child of the fifties, I'm a racist and and a bigot as well.

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/06/2018 10:47

@Beansonapost It would be inappropriate to describe the age group of any woman (person) if it wasn't relevant to the story.

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/06/2018 10:51

As someone who is not prejudiced against old people, I don't consider the word "old" to be imbued with negative connatations. Yes, but how do "old people" feel about this? Are the majority happy to be called "old people"? You may not be prejudiced against overweight or less physically attractive people, but that doesn't mean you would therefore describe them as "fat" or "ugly"? Or does it?

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:52

I wonder if you'd ever hear a man say "that's ageist". I highly doubt it. To me, this whole "ageist" thing stems from a certain type of woman who doesn't really want to cross that threshold even though it happens to all of us. Women are so weird about age...like they can't accept to be getting older..

Women can be so pathetic. Sometimes I hate being one.

reallyanotherone · 23/06/2018 10:52

I work in a hospital.

It is scary the amount of times i read through the day’s notes and a young nurse has written along the lines of “elderly female, presenting with...”

I look at the date of birth and they’re early fifties!

SupremeCommanderTrinityRhino · 23/06/2018 10:53

You can be a frog without jumping.

And you can say old without it being an insult.

I remember the days when MN was nice and not full of people climbing all over each other trying to be 'better or right'

And if you want to address me don't forget my title unless you know me

blackteasplease · 23/06/2018 10:53

I think the fact she was old affected dh's response to her - his assumptions about what she would say, his immediate acceptance of the telling off etc. It would be very surprising if a young woman had saod that

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:55

"Like my grandmother! "Mine would be asleep by 6pm back my day, things have certainly changed..."

Hmm. There's a thread currently running about children's meal times where many, presumably younger, posters are holding forth about how outrageous it is for children to have their evening meal later than 5.00 so they can get to bed. And anyone asking whether it's OK for a child to stay up late to go to family party gets pretty short shrift. So I reckon your grandmother would be in good company on here!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2018 10:56

I agree with Beans. Those terms are used in RL and, if they're not intended offensively, they're not taken offensively (generally). As soon as they're on a chatboard though, hell breaks loose.

What is the point of it all? Stymying discussion? Check. Derailing a conversation that isn't veering into offensiveness? Check.

My nan was a sweet old woman, loving and kind - but I never knew her as a 'young' woman even with the photo on her piano. My granddad the same - they were both lovely OLD people and that's what they were. The meant the world to me and I miss them everyday. Old describes them in terms of my place, my relationship with them, and theirs with me.

Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 10:56

With respect Pandiculation that is your opinion surely?

Of course it would be inappropriate if the terms were used in an insulting manner. But no one should be able to dictate what adjectives others use, as long as the terms are respectful.

For someone espousing liberal values (ie non prejudice) you sound a little too authoritarian for my liking.

reallyanotherone · 23/06/2018 10:56

Oh and it does make me twitchy so see toddlers out past 7-ish. Only because mine were a nightmare the next day if they didn’t get their bedtime routine and bed by 7.30.

Although i did used to wonder what nights and mornings looked like for the lady who used to take her baby (not v mobile so under 6m, maybe under 4m) swimming at the 10pm session in the local pool.

Wouldn’t say anything though.

Battleax · 23/06/2018 10:57

@Battleax I’m informed that the frog routine consisted of a little bit of ‘ribbit’ing, a lot of sticking his tongue out eating flies and a merry little song about bananas 🤷🏻‍♀️

That sounds really sweet. I wish we got more of that sort of thing in my Sainsbury’s

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 10:57

if she was 83, you would forgive her, you would envy her her forthrightness. she would say what other people thought.
no argument happened op?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2018 10:59

The more I read here the more I think it would be better for society to stop interacting with itself. We should stop talking to each other or at the least, stop talking to each other here. There can be no offense then.

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:59

"if she was 83, you would forgive her, you would envy her her forthrightness"
Blimey- I wouldn't. Rudeness is rudeness, regardless of age.

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 11:00

well bertrand, that i hope is just you

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 11:01

enike · 23/06/2018 11:01

I am not sure why the OP is asked this
the little one was obviously misbehaving in the supermarket, so somebody commented on it

if its not like this, why the OP is making this topic about it? What is the real problem?

the opening post is suggestive and obviously waiting for the "right answers" , we were not there, and maybe the old lady just pointed out that the child was out of control? we just dont know

iklboo · 23/06/2018 11:01

You should have just said 'carbon based life form'. Mind you, that might upset beings who identify as silicate.

C8H10N4O2 · 23/06/2018 11:03

She may have more generationally entrenched ideas about children's routines

Generationally entrenched? You do know that the parents who raised babies under Truby King would be over 100 now?

That the current generation late 50s - 70s year olds were raised under child centred /"don't need a schedule" Dr Spock?

The cultural attitude about early bedtimes for children is a British thing not an age related thing

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 11:04

British?
what about france,, germany , usa?

DrDoMore · 23/06/2018 11:06

Old people are not a minority. They’re just people who have been here longer. It is correct that people should not be discriminated against on grounds of age for employment etc but that’s all I’m interested in really.

Calling someone old? Mad old lady etc? Nah. Can’t get excited about it. It is categorically not the same as racism etc

Micah · 23/06/2018 11:07

The cultural attitude about early bedtimes for children is a British thing not an age related thing

This.

I’ve been on a few bf threads recently and am also starting to think our cultural obsession with routines and sleep in general- sleeping through by 6 weeks, two naps per day, feeds every so many hours etc, is a big part of why bf rates are so low in this country. Bf generally isn’t compatible with routine, especially at the start.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 23/06/2018 11:09

If not in bed then surely winding down to bed, not Messing around in a supermarket

Dumbledoresgirl · 23/06/2018 11:10

If you want to be really pedantic, I don't think your dp got 'told off', if your account of what the woman said is accurate. She merely gave him some advice. Why do young people think they are being told off when someone expresses an opinion? It reminds me of my teens who say I am angry or have 'lost it' when I engage in a lively debate and voices become a bit louder. What a bunch of snowflakes the young are these days.

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