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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DP got told off in the supermarket last night

313 replies

OnlyBaBaBiss · 23/06/2018 09:40

DP went to the supermarket last night when he finished work, he took a couple of kids so I could bath the baby while he was gone so he took DD1(6) and DS2(2) with him

He said while he was there an old woman was laughing at something silly DS was doing (being a frog) and came over to say something to DP, he was expecting it to be something nice about DS so greeted her with a smile and got “he’s very sweet but honestly he’ll never learn to behave properly while you’re bringing him out at this time, take him home to bed!”

It wasn’t even 7pm!

DP said he was so surprised he just said “oh ok will do” Grin
DD was so amused that Daddy got told off

AIBU to think that 7pm is not too late to have a 2 year old out ... on a Friday night ... in the summer! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2018 10:20

He's 2, unless he's getting under feet, making a huge racket etc why sites or matter if he's a frog, he doesn't need the frog training out of him

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:21

The black lawyer-to distinguish from the white lawyer - is fine.

There was only one woman involved in the OP's anecdote. Why a descriptor at all? I repeat. In the circumstances, nobody would say "black" or "using a wheelchair" Or if they did, they'd be pulled up on it. But old is apparantly fine.

ichifanny · 23/06/2018 10:21

The woman was a nebby arsehole regardless of her age , it’s your business to what time you let your child stay up to , I’ve been in supermarkets later than that with my kids and I’d be pretty annoyed if someone felt like giving me some parenting advice .

DrDreReturns · 23/06/2018 10:22

It wasn't an unnecessary statement imo - as Cel982 said it does affect the interaction between people. NAOPALT obviously - I'm speaking at a class level!

Mammyloveswine · 23/06/2018 10:23

My 2 year old goes to bed at 6 but every child is different! The woman should have minded her own business!

I also bath my 2year old and baby together but I'm.on my own with both most nights.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:23

Jeez if we never used describing words novels would be pretty boring..

Start your own thread, Bert. We've derailed this one enough.

NomNomNomNom · 23/06/2018 10:24

So he was getting in peoples way jumping around on the floor?

lol there's always one on AIBU! there is nothing to indicate he was in anyone's way. (Presumably if he was the woman would have complained about that first instead of him still being up). Although OP hasn't said what they were buying let's assume DP was feeding the kids hairdo for dinner while we're at it!

TigerDroveAgain · 23/06/2018 10:27

I’m 100% with Bert here on the use of old lady and the daft comment about a man doing normal parent things being a keeper.

MN is an absolute bastion of casual ageism

On another note entirely, do watch out for this frog thing. If your DC identifies as a frog someone from the Trans-phibia bureau will be along to ensure you’re not trying to deny their identity Wink

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:28

Nah. People say "an old woman said X to me" because they know everyone will pile on with all the "tell her to bugger off, the mad old bint" stuff that Mumsnet specialises in. Happens every time. Then lots of wide eyed post hoc rationalisation.

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/06/2018 10:28

If you really do feel the need to refer to a person's age, "older woman/man" sounds a lot gentler than "old woman/man" because of all the negative connotations attached to phrases like "old woman". "Old" may merely be a descriptor, but then so is "fat" along with a whole lot of other descriptors that we normally avoid using.

Prusik · 23/06/2018 10:29

If it were my son you could judge away. By that time he'd be an exhausted wreck - rubbing his eyes and crying Grin

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 10:29

Sounds like she was perfectly pleasant in her criticism, and she was right

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:30

But people also say "cute old couple" ...would you bash that too?

C8H10N4O2 · 23/06/2018 10:32

BTW, I used term "old lady" purely for factual descriptive reasons!

Which fact does it convey without additional descriptors?

I've seen "old" routinely used here for people from mid/late 30s.
"Elderly" is used for DGMs in their 50s!

Anyone in their 50s was born in the swinging 60s and grew up in the permissive society.
Those in their 70s grew up in the swinging 60s.

So what exactly does "old" tell us here which is of any value at all? Other than implying its associated with the comment?

SD1978 · 23/06/2018 10:34

So your 2 yr old was jumping around the floor like a hyperactive frog, which your husband was good with, and another shopper reckoned maybe he was over tired and instead of finding his behaviour as ‘cute’ as your husband, suggested he should be home and going to bed. Her age doesn’t have much to do with this really. It’s more a matter of perspective and accepted public behaviour- I’d say she has lower tolerance of kids going crazy in stores than your husband does.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2018 10:39

Sounds like she was perfectly pleasant in her criticism, and she was right
Why was she right? How does she know their routine or the reason for being out at that time or what their usual sleep pattern is?
If he was crying in the for clearly overtures
Overtired then maybe fair enough but he wasn't. And my 3 yo lines to a frog irrespective of the time of day

flippyfloppyflower · 23/06/2018 10:39

I agree with the PP with regards to the use of the word "old". The descriptive term should have been "older" as then it is used as a comparative descriptive term and not an absolute one.

What the OP should have said a woman complained about my son etc etc

Uyulala · 23/06/2018 10:39

She may have more generationally entrenched ideas about children's routines

Like my grandmother! "Mine would be asleep by 6pm back my day, things have certainly changed..."

sleepingdragons · 23/06/2018 10:41

British people are really weird about children's bedtimes.

MIL comments, as part of conversation, if she sees a child out in the supermarket after 7, and she disapproves as it's far too late - even though she knows very well our DC went to bed about 10pm when they still had naps in the day, and that we often did evening shopping trips!

Some people feel very strongly that kids need to be in bed by 7. (Those same people tend to think that it's the women who are meant to get up with them at 5am or whatever!) Sod that for a laugh.

Smile and nod is the most practical solution, sounds like your DH did that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2018 10:42

Nah. People say "an old woman said X to me" because they know everyone will pile on with all the "tell her to bugger off, the mad old bint" stuff that Mumsnet specialises in. Happens every time. Then lots of wide eyed post hoc rationalisation.

Only they haven't done that, have they? I (and many other posters) would take exception to that. This wasn't the case here and what is the excuse for pasting on that 'OP knew what they were doing' thing?

I take exception to posters dictating that they know what other people meant, if the posting isn't explicit - and also that they're some appointed sort of 'guardian' given that the rest of us don't know when to object.

SluttyButty · 23/06/2018 10:42

Age of the woman does come into it. Had the op described the situation and just said woman then I'd have asked how old she was.
I'd be very surprised if someone my age (50) or younger had made such a comment but I'd not be in the least surprised if someone my mothers age (late 70's) had said it.

A fog hopping child I can cope with. My youngest who walks around doing that Fortnite dance drives me bonkers. And no in this day and age going out with a two year old at 7 is not wrong. Mine refused to sleep before 9 at that age due to extended naps and me not getting home from work until gone 7.

sleepingdragons · 23/06/2018 10:42

SD1978 OFDOD.

Beansonapost · 23/06/2018 10:42

What if she was a young woman ?

Or middle aged woman?

Or teenaged girl...

But she is old... older.

Original poster
OnlyBaBaBiss · 23/06/2018 10:42

@Battleax I’m informed that the frog routine consisted of a little bit of ‘ribbit’ing, a lot of sticking his tongue out eating flies and a merry little song about bananas 🤷🏻‍♀️😬

OP posts:
Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 10:43

I agree that Mumsnet can be very ageist and I personally loathe that.

Also agree that some elderly people can be set in their ways - and some are definitely not - like everyone else of any age!

Does that mean one cannot use a descriptive phrase such as "young" or "old" to add context, and describe a situation factually?

The incident I described happened. An old lady came up to me and told me that 5pm was too late to have a baby outside. It might have been a young man with dreadlocks or an adolescentc white girl with French braids. But it wasn't. It was a fairly non-distinctive elderly woman so I described her as old.

As someone who is not prejudiced against old people, I don't consider the word "old" to be imbued with negative connatations.

Jeez.