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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP got told off in the supermarket last night

313 replies

OnlyBaBaBiss · 23/06/2018 09:40

DP went to the supermarket last night when he finished work, he took a couple of kids so I could bath the baby while he was gone so he took DD1(6) and DS2(2) with him

He said while he was there an old woman was laughing at something silly DS was doing (being a frog) and came over to say something to DP, he was expecting it to be something nice about DS so greeted her with a smile and got “he’s very sweet but honestly he’ll never learn to behave properly while you’re bringing him out at this time, take him home to bed!”

It wasn’t even 7pm!

DP said he was so surprised he just said “oh ok will do” Grin
DD was so amused that Daddy got told off

AIBU to think that 7pm is not too late to have a 2 year old out ... on a Friday night ... in the summer! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 23/06/2018 10:03

It depends on what your routine is, she needs to mind her own business.

Original poster
OnlyBaBaBiss · 23/06/2018 10:04

Ha DP actually described her as a ‘sweet old lady’ but I thought that would really piss you all off so I went with old woman
I wonder, if she’d been young and I’d described her like that, or if I’d said a teenager would you be angry about me using that age too? Or is it only older people that are exempt to having an age?
The fact that she was female wasn’t really relevant either was it, so am I sexist too?
Should I have described her as a ‘fellow human being of no particular age or gender’? 🤔

OP posts:
Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 10:05

I once got told off by an old lady in a supermarket (live abroad) for taking my baby out at 5pm. (We'd been travelling all day, had run out of nappies, dh was travelling in a different country.) My reply in my head was less than charitable but in the end I just said, "thank you for your concern" and walked away.

flippyfloppyflower · 23/06/2018 10:05

How old is old? And actually age has NOTHING to do with this as it is ageist to assume age has a bearing on this situation.

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:05

"Well, apart from the fact that she was an arse." Ah so its just because YOU think she was being unreasonable. Looks like it's more your issue than the old woman's, bert.

People do describe people as being fat and in wheelchairs!

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 10:06

She had a point, she wasn't afraid to voice her opinion, shock horror

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:06

Fucking ageist. It only works for older folk...never the other way round....Hmm

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 10:07

How old was she?

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:07

"It's simply a describing word"

So is fat and black. Why not use one of those?

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:07

I do...

Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 10:08

BTW, I used term "old lady" purely for factual descriptive reasons!

ScipioAfricanus · 23/06/2018 10:08

One persons silly is another persons badly behaved unsupervised child.

I still wouldn’t ever go and tell off a parent about this but I do think using the supermarket or a shop as a place to play is a fairly new phenomenon. If being a frog is jumping all over the aisles then I’d not love that either. Children need to learn where and when it’s appropriate to play so they can moderate their behaviour and grow up to be considerate adults. I was an old lady at 17 though.

40isnew50 · 23/06/2018 10:08

People need to mind their own business. I am sure she would have been upset if someone had gone up to her and said she shouldn't be at the supermarket at that time cos she is old and should do her shopping during the day when everyone else is at work!!!

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:10

An example...I was talking to my colleagues about "the staircase" on Netflix and to describe one of the lawyers who came on later in the case I said "the black lawyer". That is not racist, that described the lawyer...who was black.

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:10

So if you were recounting an incident in a supermarket with a stranger you would say "a fat woman told dp off" or "a black woman told dp off" . I don't believe you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2018 10:10

Bertrand because I understand nuances. Because I'm not a 'hammer seeing nails everywhere. Because I can (generally) read a post and see humour in it as this one has and was meant to have.

... and mostly, because OP's tone didn't suggest ageism of any sort.

Now your comment, "lady in the BLUE dress" - if there was another poster like you, would upset a Labourite for sure and we'd have calls for that.

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 10:11

"I said "the black lawyer". That is not racist, that described the lawyer...who was black."

Nope. That's not racist. I agree.

Slartybartfast · 23/06/2018 10:12

If he was jumping about like a frog was he getting in the way, that's annoying

Whisky2014 · 23/06/2018 10:13

Neither is "the old woman" = the womam who is old. Old can mean anything but we generally take it to mean older than oneself. That is not ageist

Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 10:16

Fhs! They are lots of the professionally offended here today.

Describing someone as old or black isn't intrinsically an insult is it? I supposed "fat" could be, but it is also just a descriptive/factual word.

And recounting an incident describing someone as "old" doesn't indicate that someone has a negative attitude to the elderly as a whole.

Cel982 · 23/06/2018 10:17

Age, and in particular a disparity in ages, does impact the dynamic between two strangers interacting, whether it should or not. Because it’s - usually - reflective of life experiences, social norms and expectations in a way that race or weight generally wouldn’t be (except in interactions specifically about those things).

Battleax · 23/06/2018 10:18

Well this kicked off Grin

I’m more interested in the frog thing, myself. How does it go?

FASH84 · 23/06/2018 10:18

Being fat, black or disabled is unlikely to have an impact directly on someone's parenting views. However it's only older people so far who've had an opinion on what I do in my pregnancy. 'you're still traveling all over the country for work, they shouldn't be getting you to do that you need to be closer to home' Anne 77 ndn. 'you can have a couple of glasses of wine love, it never hurt the babies of my generation' Sue 81 PILs friend. They hold those views because of their own experiences, which is largely due to women and pregnant women being treated differently when they were younger. Directly correlated to age.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/06/2018 10:19

Why is old OK as scene setting but not fat or black or disabled?

Every one of those descriptions are ok to use appropriately in scene setting (except for fat, maybe use larger or overweight).

My mum is old and like many elderly people regularly talks to and gives advice to strangers in the supermarket. She didn't do it when she was younger so old is a very relevant piece of information.

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/06/2018 10:19

And it gives us the idea she is old school set in her ways...that doesn't mean it's ageist. Why would the fact that someone is of a certain age invite us to assume she is set in her ways? That you are defending an unnecessary statement of a person's age by a statement which assumes adverse attributes based solely on her age shows just how deeply entrenched ageism is.