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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School play ethical dilemma - do you think this is fair?

203 replies

Sixerseconder · 22/06/2018 22:55

I was just wondering if I could fish for opinions on whether or not this situation is fair. I’m feeling rather conflicted about it, even though it’s my child who benefits.

My dd is 11 and in Year 6. At her school, the two year 6 classes join together to do a play, as one of their end of primary school celebrations. In recent years, the play has been a musical.

My dd is a really good actor, I would say one of the best in her year. She won a school competition last year where all the kids in her year recited a poem from memory - she did a funny one by Roald Dahl and she got to perform in front of the governors. She’s also had major roles in all the previous school plays. She’s confident and she’s funny. I’m not just saying this as a biased Mum - I fully recognise the many things she is absolutely terrible at, including anything sporty. She can’t draw either. But when it comes to exuberant acting and making people laugh, she can do it.

The problem is, the one thing she is shy about is singing. She doesn’t have the most amazing singing voice ever, though she can sing in tune, but she is adamantly opposed to ever singing solo in front of other people.

And the school play this year, as it has been in recent years, is a musical. For this year 6 school play, they held auditions (for previous plays further down the school the kids were asked to write down their top 3 choices of parts and teachers allocated them, my dd always ended up with a big part). And these auditions were singing only, and took place in front of the whole of year 6 and all the year 6 teachers. The children were told they could either sing a song on their own or with some friends, but had to sing at least a few lines solo.

Dd decided not to do a singing audition. I obviously wasn’t there, but dd tells me that almost every other child in Year 6, including all the other girls, auditioned. Many of these kids were clearly terrified of singing in front of so many people, and many couldn’t sing very well or in tune, but, unlike my dd, they faced their fear and did it.

However, when the parts were allocated, my dd was given the main comic role - it’s a role that had a lot of speaking lines, and didn’t have many solo singing lines, and those it had the teachers told her she could sing in a group rather than on her own. She’s in every scene, she loves the role, and she’s so good at it and so funny (I’ve seen a dress rehearsal as I’m helping put costumes and props together.)

But... many of the kids who actually sang by themselves to audition, and who were very shy, and sang very quietly or a bit out of tune, have been given rubbish parts. Two of them don’t actually have any lines, and just follow around my dd (they’re playing her servants, which rubs salt in the wound, somewhat...)

Many of the mothers of the kids in her year are really unhappy with this. They think the auditions were a stitch up and the teachers had decided who would play each part before they even held the auditions. And they don’t think it’s fair that my dd gets a huge, fun part when she didn’t have the courage to audition. I’m not really sure how to respond when I hear these whispers/insinuations, because, on one level, I can see how good my dd is in that part, but on the other hand, I can see the injustice of it.

So, what do you think? Should my dd have been given the main comic role because of her natural acting talent? Or should she not have been given a major part because, unlike other kids who probably have worse voices and far less confidence than her, she couldn’t pluck up the courage to do a solo singing audition?

OP posts:
SpandexTutu · 23/06/2018 20:30

This is obviously a sore point for a lot of parents of 'second cows'.
My kids were sheep and donkeys. They would go to sleep at night dreaming of being a cow. Grin

user1485342611 · 23/06/2018 20:44

She's a good actress, she's proven she's a good actress, so she got a decent role in the school play.

Some parents need to stop being so silly and precious.

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2018 20:46

spandex Grin
My dd had one of the most minor roles in her theatre school production this year (not suprisingly, given she was barely out of nappies when she auditioned) but she took huge pride in it and was supportive of those with bigger parts too. It seems like she could teach a lot of older children and adults something about attitude. A show needs all the parts, big and small, to come together and work well.

petrolpump28 · 23/06/2018 20:46

Should I tell my manager my fellow carer is abusing old people, and in so doing lose my job......ethical dilemma.

LJdorothy · 23/06/2018 21:31

It isn't ever going to seem fair to the parents of those who aren't chosen, but blaming the teachers for choosing the same children year after year is daft. Teachers move year groups. New staff come in all the time. Classes move on. Nobody keeps a list of who did what last year so this year the confident, reliable children get main parts. The good singers get to sing solos. It isn't a conspiracy. I'm not sure why schools bother when there is no way of pleasing the majority and everyone thinks they could have done a better job.

user1485342611 · 23/06/2018 21:51

I am awaiting a thread where some mother complains that it's always the same kids who get As in their maths exams, and it's time some other children were given a chance.

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2018 21:57

user Grin

mozzybites · 23/06/2018 22:14

I've noticed the same dc shine at sports day every year, also in the music recitals while we are discussing this.

MissCharleyP · 23/06/2018 22:41

Blimey! In my last year of infants (1986) I wanted to be an angel in the nativity. I wasn’t allowed as I had dark hair and only blonde girls were chosen. On the day, one of the girls was off sick and the class was asked to vote who they wanted to replace her...enter yours truly with a bedsheet and tinsel halo!

It used to piss me off at primary that the same three girls were picked for EVERYTHING (or so it seemed). My mum worked at the school after I’d left and said (in a lighthearted way) to my old 4th year teacher “MissCharley always remembered ‘Lucy’, ‘Rachel’ and ‘Suzy’ being picked for sports teams, work displays etc”. The teacher said to my mum that she probably did do it, but having ‘favourites’ in the class is something you grow out of the longer you’ve been teaching.

Agree in this case with the job analogy; you wouldn’t be given a role unless you’d been to the interview. There are very, very few actors who are asked to appear in plays/films/TV without having to audition.

MissEliza · 23/06/2018 22:44

It's even more annoying when the same rubbish kids get a main role. There's a girl in dd's year who always gets a main role yet she speaks so quietly you can barely hear her. I actually feel sorry for her.

themooon · 23/06/2018 22:52

She's a good actress, she's proven she's a good actress, so she got a decent role in the school play. part of being a good actress is actually doing the audition is it not? ps op great stealth brag as you haven't asked a dilemma

Ihuntmonsters · 23/06/2018 23:10

I think that there would undoubtedly be parents complaining if children who didn't even sit the math exam were awarded 'A's. It's really not a good analogy as all children should have sat the exam without advantage. Here it looks like one child was given an advantage over all the others, and unsurprisingly that has caused unhappiness. Just as people get very angry if they are asked to an interview, prepare, stress before and after, don't get the job and then find out it was given to an internal candidate who did not get interviewed. They would probably be a lot less unhappy if there was no interview process at all and the job was just given to the preferred candidate. If the audition means nothing why put anyone through the stress of it?

SoupDragon · 23/06/2018 23:21

I am awaiting a thread where some mother complains that it's always the same kids who get As in their maths exams, and it's time some other children were given a chance.

Or, more accurately, who were awarded As in their maths exams despite not having actually sat it.

SoupDragon · 23/06/2018 23:23

Also, one child getting an A in an exam doesn’t stop any other child getting an A.

NoSuchThingAsAlpha · 23/06/2018 23:32

As someone who was lead in their P7 school play, I can't help but feel there's a lot of emotional over investment here. It really wasn't a big deal. It didn't change my life, and it isn't a particularly important memory because I was only 11 years old. It was fun, but that's about it.

LuMarie · 23/06/2018 23:47

I don't other parents should be commenting within your earshot, or at all. They should be saying well done to their own kids.

School obviously decided they didn't need acting auditions, they already knew what your DD and probably many others could do from experience with them, so they chose parts to fit.

Maybe next time talk to the school in advance and explain what happened, so they can make sure everyone auditions properly, but don't engage with parents now.

I was known at school for doing really well with with academic subjects, I was also in school plays, but very small parts because I can barely act or sing. Once lead singing lines were even taken out of my part! I'm serious, the actually cut a song because it was me and another student who could sing:) The kindly said it was a case of managing microphones, but it wasn't, I didn't have the voice or the confidence singing on stage to pull it off. I knew that, I didn't mind at all!

It's good to stay humble, recognise that everyone is good at something and no one is perfect at everything, it's good to celebrate others being talented without being envious. I had a really good time, I didn't have parts that would have been overwhelming for me and clearly I couldn't carry compared to other kids, but I was there, it was so much fun to be involved, it is good because it shakes up the idea of rating kids either by academic ability or sporting ability (it's not always good in school to be separated out as better than others at everything, other kids can get a bit unpleasant or treat each other differently) and for the places I was still part of the theatre experience and I absolutely loved it.

Parents should be celebrating all kids no matter what.

Daddystepdaddy · 24/06/2018 00:05

The staff involved have made a mistake in making it appear unfair. That really isn't what school should be about. Neither is giving the same child all the opportunities either, this isn't the RSC after all! Being given a role in a school play can be a watershed for some pupils and staff need to balance their desire to have the best performance with the need to ensure that all pupils get a fair crack of the whip to see what they can do.

If she hadn't auditioned for me, she wouldn't have got a part, end of.

enike · 24/06/2018 00:31

I think its like with the professional actors - some are so good/famous they dont have to audition.... the rest of the actors have to audition for a role

so, if your DD was very good in previous plays its normal she would be selected without audition

the audition was maybe to give a chance to others and for the teachers to discover, if anybody else has a hidden talent maybe - so the other children had a fair chance to prove themselves, so the parents would not say its always the same child who gets the main part

I think next time they should include some parents in the audition-committee imho

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/06/2018 08:15

But the audition was for singing not acting.

How do they know ops DD is the best actress if no one else has ever been given the opportunity to audition for an acting part

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 24/06/2018 08:27

If the role has hardly any singing lines then I think it's reasonable that she was given it without doing a singing audition. She'll have been chosen because she's the best for the role and the non-singing audition will have been enough to show that. I think it's lovely that you're considering others but I wouldn't worry too much!

enike · 24/06/2018 08:38

to be fair, most of the teachers know the children from the classes/other activities so they MAYBE take that into consideration as well? or the previous acting in other plays?

maybe the singing audition was because in normal classes/other activities you dont really sing, so the teachers even if they know you cant be sure?

if the OP´s child was given a mainly acting part and not a singing part, it makes sense it doesnt matter if she auditioned for some singing part...

I think the best solution would be to include some parents (who are trusted by others) into the audition committee next time, so they can see for real how their and other children proved themselves

and suggest to make auditions for the acting parts as well

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/06/2018 09:50

to be fair, most of the teachers know the children from the classes/other activities so they MAYBE take that into consideration as well? or the previous acting in other plays

If they have never been chosen to do anything in any previous plays or are not part of any school activities, not sure what extra curricular activities they have in primary school then the teacher can only choose from the limited pool of children who have been in other plays or shows.

Bagel88 · 24/06/2018 10:11

You're not alone.

There are always jealous parents of their children who didn't get a lead part.

My DD has been attending Drama classes since she was almost 4, and has also appeared in the West End and local theatre on multiple occasions. She can also pay piano and bass guitar to grade level.

Consequently the staff seek her out for their musicals, ensembles and plays more often than most, in the same way then pick the fastest runners and highest jumpers on Sports Day.

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/06/2018 11:38

Bagel how would you feel if your DD was never chosen for more than a non speaking/singing zebra/lobster/villager for the whole of her primary school despite auditioning for a part in each years school play.

DD (similar background) never had a look in when it came to school stuff.

rosesandflowers1 · 24/06/2018 13:38

how would you feel if your DD was never chosen for more than a non speaking/singing zebra/lobster/villager for the whole of her primary school despite auditioning for a part in each years school play.

DD1 was very quiet and not really confident, she was a good little actress but always had non-speaking parts. The main problem was she didn't have the confidence to actually act properly. She was very upset about it but because she believed she wasn't "good" we couldn't convince her to do it as an extracurricular activity (she was going through bullying & other issues at the time.)

In the end we got her to focus on her art talent which built up her confidence quite a bit, as did passing the 11+. It was important for her to realise that she can excel in other areas; I don't think just giving her the part out of pity or "fairness" would have helped as much as doing well in other areas.

We sent her to a school - a very good grammar with lots of provision for Performing Arts. Far away from the bully, lots of similarly quiet bookish girls, and much more support and provision. Drama was less focused on "confidence" and loud students and more on decent acting, and being able to analyse and actually understand plays. The teachers were also very adept at recognising girls who were still a bit too self-conscious to really act, and how to deal with it.

DD has just done her Drama GCSE.

If your child is interested in acting, they'll have their chance when they get to a stage where the teachers are genuine specialists. Moreover, insecurity can't be dealt with by giving them the parts regardless of how actually good they are. It's like parents who tell their children that the incorrect maths answers are right in the name of not destroying their confidence.