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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School play ethical dilemma - do you think this is fair?

203 replies

Sixerseconder · 22/06/2018 22:55

I was just wondering if I could fish for opinions on whether or not this situation is fair. I’m feeling rather conflicted about it, even though it’s my child who benefits.

My dd is 11 and in Year 6. At her school, the two year 6 classes join together to do a play, as one of their end of primary school celebrations. In recent years, the play has been a musical.

My dd is a really good actor, I would say one of the best in her year. She won a school competition last year where all the kids in her year recited a poem from memory - she did a funny one by Roald Dahl and she got to perform in front of the governors. She’s also had major roles in all the previous school plays. She’s confident and she’s funny. I’m not just saying this as a biased Mum - I fully recognise the many things she is absolutely terrible at, including anything sporty. She can’t draw either. But when it comes to exuberant acting and making people laugh, she can do it.

The problem is, the one thing she is shy about is singing. She doesn’t have the most amazing singing voice ever, though she can sing in tune, but she is adamantly opposed to ever singing solo in front of other people.

And the school play this year, as it has been in recent years, is a musical. For this year 6 school play, they held auditions (for previous plays further down the school the kids were asked to write down their top 3 choices of parts and teachers allocated them, my dd always ended up with a big part). And these auditions were singing only, and took place in front of the whole of year 6 and all the year 6 teachers. The children were told they could either sing a song on their own or with some friends, but had to sing at least a few lines solo.

Dd decided not to do a singing audition. I obviously wasn’t there, but dd tells me that almost every other child in Year 6, including all the other girls, auditioned. Many of these kids were clearly terrified of singing in front of so many people, and many couldn’t sing very well or in tune, but, unlike my dd, they faced their fear and did it.

However, when the parts were allocated, my dd was given the main comic role - it’s a role that had a lot of speaking lines, and didn’t have many solo singing lines, and those it had the teachers told her she could sing in a group rather than on her own. She’s in every scene, she loves the role, and she’s so good at it and so funny (I’ve seen a dress rehearsal as I’m helping put costumes and props together.)

But... many of the kids who actually sang by themselves to audition, and who were very shy, and sang very quietly or a bit out of tune, have been given rubbish parts. Two of them don’t actually have any lines, and just follow around my dd (they’re playing her servants, which rubs salt in the wound, somewhat...)

Many of the mothers of the kids in her year are really unhappy with this. They think the auditions were a stitch up and the teachers had decided who would play each part before they even held the auditions. And they don’t think it’s fair that my dd gets a huge, fun part when she didn’t have the courage to audition. I’m not really sure how to respond when I hear these whispers/insinuations, because, on one level, I can see how good my dd is in that part, but on the other hand, I can see the injustice of it.

So, what do you think? Should my dd have been given the main comic role because of her natural acting talent? Or should she not have been given a major part because, unlike other kids who probably have worse voices and far less confidence than her, she couldn’t pluck up the courage to do a solo singing audition?

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 23/06/2018 09:30

No it isn't fair, not your fault, but it isn't fair. If no one else is given a chance at major parts, how can they shine? It is very demoralising for other students, they all plucked up the courage to go to an audition and sing, yet your dd got the best part and didn't even audition.

I can fully understand the other parents anger and would feel the same way. It was the same in my school when I was a kid. The 'favourites' would always get the best parts in the plays etc. No room for anyone whose face didn't fit in other prominent parts of the play. Everyone else who showed an interest was dumped in the 'choir' and got hurried out of the room at the end of the performance while the 'favourites' got to meet the Mayor etc. (I'm still bitter as you can see Grin)

NoSquirrels · 23/06/2018 09:35

No teacher is going to choose children for leading roles just because they had the courage to audition while better/talented children stand at the back.

Don’t hold auditions then!

That’s like saying no employer is going to give a job to the applicant that turned up to the interview when they know someone better who didn’t show up.

Sheeparemyfriends · 23/06/2018 09:36

Not much point going to watch a rubbish play. They choose the best person for the role, that is what they can do as producers.

steppemum · 23/06/2018 09:36

I think the school has messed up.
They should have allowed some acting auditions and allowed kids like your dd to do the poem etc.
For the sake of form, if they ram out of time, they should still have done the poem audition eg at break next day.

The school has created this by allowing dd to get a part without auditioning.

I think the other parents are entitled to feel miffed, especially as their kids did the audition, and in their shoes, I would feel miffed. It isn't a great lesson for your dd either.

On the other hand, they knew she would be great and wanted a funny show.

If you overhear any remarks, I would be inclined to just agree with them - yes it is unfair, I don't know why they did it, they should have made my dd audition. Then shrug shoulders and say, up to the school.

Nincomsoup · 23/06/2018 09:38

I think every child should have a chance when it comes to school plays - if your DD has had major roles before and didn't audition I would not be allowing her to take part - it demonstrates she can get thinks in life above others without putting in the confidence / effort to go through the assessment process.

That's wrong IMHO.

NomNomNomNom · 23/06/2018 09:38

I think the other mothers should butt out really. Since your DD is a very good actor they think she'll be best in that part and have adapted it so she isn't singing solo anyway. Who knows whether they decided this before or after the auditions?

I'm torn on school plays anyway. At DS's school they tend to give everyone fairly equal parts which is great for improving the confidence of the less confident students. On the other hand I think it's nice for the kids who are good at acting (definitely not DS by the way!) to get their chance to show off their skills just like the sporty/musical/academic kids do.

Pengggwn · 23/06/2018 09:39

No teacher is going to choose children for leading roles just because they had the courage to audition while better/talented children stand at the back.

That is exactly what any decent teacher would do. No audition, no part. The children who are brave and trying do not deserve to have it thrown back at them like this.

IslaBoots · 23/06/2018 09:49

Either the kids with some acting/singing skills get given the bigger parts every year, and some parents whine that their kid (who either doesn't like performing, or simply has no aptitude for it) should have got more lines - or the school, in the interest of 'fairness' and 'inclusiveness' gives the lead to the kid who's either incapable of learning the lines or can't carry a tune in a bucket, resulting in the most excrutiating performance. So every year the staff have to decide between giving the good performers the good parts and dealing with whining/fighting parents, or putting on a complete shambles of a play.

This ^^

It seems the school play and everything that surrounds it hasn't changed since I was in school - and that was many years ago.

OP The auditions would have been to see which children could sing for the singing roles. Your dd is a natural actress. She was already earmarked for the non singing main role.

What you'll get now is a load of sniping from other parents because they will feel that their child should have bagged the main role.

I always feel sorry for the teachers who cast a school play. They have 2 options

  1. Select the best kids for the best parts and have a decent production
  2. Don't give the main parts to the kids who had main parts last year (the bitching from other parents isn't worth it). Give the main roles to kids who can't sing, cant dance and will crumble their lines in front of an audience, because "It's a school play. Not the West End." And every child should have his chance under the spotlight.
Allegorical · 23/06/2018 09:55

She hasn’t been picked for a big singing role. She has been picked for more of an acting role hasn’t she?
The audition process was unfair really. They should have had separate acting and singing auditions.
I don’t see the problem if she is good.
The same people get picked for sports teams etc because they are good. The same kids get picked for academic prizes because they are academic. What is the difference?

Pengggwn · 23/06/2018 09:58

Allegorical

The difference is that they ran auditions, where the commonly understood outcome was that the children who performed best in the auditions would be cast. Put yourself if the shoes of a child who stood up and sang, then say this is fair. It blatantly isn't.

TantricTwist · 23/06/2018 10:03

We have this at our primary School same age group.

One girl has an amazing voice and is agreat actress and is always being picked for the main parts.
This however was down to the awful woman who was the drama, music person (not even a trained teacher so no idea re other children feelings) who did it specifically so she would look good at organising a great production. (lots of kids actually walked out of one production of hers to stand up to her crapness)
She has since left and parts are much fairer.
That said I always looked forward to seeing the girl with the amazing voice in productions because she was a joy to watch and very humble with it.

I know that she and her mum were always a tiny bit embarrassed when she was always chosen time and again.

I always made a point to tell them both that she had been amazing in the show (because she really was)

BlueJava · 23/06/2018 10:05

I'd respond with "I didn't do the selecting the teachers did" It's a kid's play/musical.

TantricTwist · 23/06/2018 10:06

OP in your case it was unbelievably unfair that all the other children auditioned and got nowhere, but we also had the same scenario in my DC School. The girl in question did turn down at least one role.

ReservoirDogs · 23/06/2018 10:14

As far as your response to other parents I agree with Blue Java.

As far as those saying she should have had to audition then I actually disagree. The auditions were purely to ascertain who could actually sing as teachers do not really know this until this sort of situation. They already knew that your DD is a good actress, good at speaking in public and the role she has is based on that knowledge already.

It is unfortunate that the school handled in that way but please don't let it enjoy either your DD's enjoyment of the show or yours.

People will have to learn to get over their disappointments in life.

Mix56 · 23/06/2018 10:16

I think you should empathise with all the mothers who see your DD is being favoured. it's not her fault, but honestly, both she & you could have questioned this decision at the start, it was inevitable that other families find it hard to see the same kid in lead position every time.
Ultimately this may cause kids to turn nasty as she is "teachers pet" in this domain

OrchidInTheSun · 23/06/2018 10:16

They should have made it clear that they were holding auditions for some parts but not for others. It doesn't sound like they did

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 10:17

Rereading now I think it's occurred to me that they probably wouldn't hand out predominantly acting roles based on singing auditions.

Is it possible the teachers weren't clear enough? You said your DD's role is mainly acting; so is it that they just wanted to hear people sing for the singing roles, and were planning to cast actors based on their knowledge of the kids (or, if they had time, the poetry auditions?)

In that case I'd say it was miscommunication on the teacher's part and not anything else.

Boredandtired · 23/06/2018 10:20

Many years of schools and plays and have to say that some schools are very good and fair and some are really not. Just as some teachers are really fair and others are not.
It has often been obvious that teachers knew what roles were going to particular children beforehand and that auditions were a farce.
It's heartbreaking when your child auditions and it's a really big deal for them and you know they will be overlooked and the staff won't even be aware that child has spent the entire weekend thinking of nothing else because they may be in with a chance at a good part. I'm blessed with several children who are good students but pretty unremarkable, not witty or the one that stands out and quiet.
I remember clearly dd who was very quiet doing a singing audition for a play. The children were told that all of those who auditioned would get speaking parts. It was a singing audition, but the consolation if they didn't get on of the singing parts was a definite speaking role so all the children were happy. My child sang first, it was massive for her and she spent the whole weekend talking about it, desperate to go in on Monday and find out if she'd got a singing part, but also a very realistic child who was happy with a speaking part. She came out quiet and despondent. Nothing. By wedsnesday she'd been given a non speaking role. I'd reassured her it was just one of those things and a mix up so when she said she had no speaking part I went to the teacher. She had no recollection of my daughter auditioning. I asked when she would get her speaking part and tried to explain how important it was to her, and she looked confused and backtracked. She then had to invent a new part with a couple of lines. And I realised that a) the audition was pointless and b) this women did not know my child and had zero interest in her.
We sought out drama lessons outside of school and after a few more similar incidents changed school. She was much happier.
My other daughter had similar disappointments in primary, but again we followed her interest outside of school and with singing lessons and drama and this is an area she's gone in to now for her future. The worrying thing is that these experiences at school can put children off and make them think they are no good and actually do a lot of confidence damage.

ShawshanksRedemption · 23/06/2018 10:21

"....would be reliable to remember lines & take direction"

^This. Also behaviour and attitude. If your child auditioned but got a minor part it may be because over the years the teachers are not convinced your child will be reliable (particularly if high absence), will be focused and listen so know when to come on stage etc.

It's hard work doing the end of year play, and if staff get grief, then I wouldn't be surprised if in future years the play is dropped. The same staff have just got through the stress of SATS after all.

So to the OP. Staff know she can do the part, therefore they can spend more time coaching others who are struggling. Is it fair? Probably not (and I say this as someone who was frequently overlooked at auditions) but at the end of the day this is about who staff think can do the roles the best, not a fairness competition.

crispysausagerolls · 23/06/2018 10:26

Look we had something similar at my school - the same girl got the lead year in year out. Parents were annoyed by it (much more so than the children), but TBF that girl is now a very successful star in the west-end so 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you feel badly then suggest to the school at the next production she have a slightly smaller role, but I think if she is the best then her talent should be encouraged.

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 10:31

Look we had something similar at my school - the same girl got the lead year in year out. Parents were annoyed by it (much more so than the children), but TBF that girl is now a very successful star in the west-end

I think this is really important too.

Choosing only the best children for school plays isn't like only asking the best mathematicians questions in class. It's like only asking the best mathematicians to do maths competitions. In something like a play or competition or event, any school would select the best.

If one of my DC was upset they'd lost out on a part, when the other kid was better, I'd be upset on their behalf but I'd get them to focus on their hobbies/talents. If they really wanted to do drama especially, I'd enrol them for lessons.

I'd be much more annoyed if my extremely talented child lost out on something because of "fairness". Because, in reality, it's not fair for people who are better to not get things they've earned because other kids also want a go. And there's not really much you can do about that except explain that the school wants everyone to have a go.

PlateOfBiscuits · 23/06/2018 10:37

It is harsh for the other children but it is also reflective of life. D.R. got chosen for his role as Harry Potter even though he didn’t even want to be an actor.

TantricTwist · 23/06/2018 10:39

Also to be fair in Football for example at School the best player will always be picked especially if he/she is good at scoring goals.

Boys get used to the fact that they will never make the team no matter how hard they try as do girls who play foorball.

The best in life will always get picked.

And imagine the child who gets picked for a lead singing role with a not so great voice with all the kids talking behind their back at how crap they are compared to usual good singer.

petrolpump28 · 23/06/2018 10:39

Remember the rule of 10. Will it matter in 10 hours, days, weeks?

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 10:40

D.R. got chosen for his role as Harry Potter even though he didn’t even want to be an actor.

And the guy who played Viktor Krum didn't even audition. They went to his school to see the kids perform, and he didn't want to go for it so didn't. When the crew were leaving they heard him shout to his friends and stopped him because they liked his voice. They decided he had a "Krum" vibe and gave him the part. I daresay the drama students who had actually auditioned were a bit miffed, but he played the part very well.

The world of acting isn't really particularly fair Grin

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