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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School play ethical dilemma - do you think this is fair?

203 replies

Sixerseconder · 22/06/2018 22:55

I was just wondering if I could fish for opinions on whether or not this situation is fair. I’m feeling rather conflicted about it, even though it’s my child who benefits.

My dd is 11 and in Year 6. At her school, the two year 6 classes join together to do a play, as one of their end of primary school celebrations. In recent years, the play has been a musical.

My dd is a really good actor, I would say one of the best in her year. She won a school competition last year where all the kids in her year recited a poem from memory - she did a funny one by Roald Dahl and she got to perform in front of the governors. She’s also had major roles in all the previous school plays. She’s confident and she’s funny. I’m not just saying this as a biased Mum - I fully recognise the many things she is absolutely terrible at, including anything sporty. She can’t draw either. But when it comes to exuberant acting and making people laugh, she can do it.

The problem is, the one thing she is shy about is singing. She doesn’t have the most amazing singing voice ever, though she can sing in tune, but she is adamantly opposed to ever singing solo in front of other people.

And the school play this year, as it has been in recent years, is a musical. For this year 6 school play, they held auditions (for previous plays further down the school the kids were asked to write down their top 3 choices of parts and teachers allocated them, my dd always ended up with a big part). And these auditions were singing only, and took place in front of the whole of year 6 and all the year 6 teachers. The children were told they could either sing a song on their own or with some friends, but had to sing at least a few lines solo.

Dd decided not to do a singing audition. I obviously wasn’t there, but dd tells me that almost every other child in Year 6, including all the other girls, auditioned. Many of these kids were clearly terrified of singing in front of so many people, and many couldn’t sing very well or in tune, but, unlike my dd, they faced their fear and did it.

However, when the parts were allocated, my dd was given the main comic role - it’s a role that had a lot of speaking lines, and didn’t have many solo singing lines, and those it had the teachers told her she could sing in a group rather than on her own. She’s in every scene, she loves the role, and she’s so good at it and so funny (I’ve seen a dress rehearsal as I’m helping put costumes and props together.)

But... many of the kids who actually sang by themselves to audition, and who were very shy, and sang very quietly or a bit out of tune, have been given rubbish parts. Two of them don’t actually have any lines, and just follow around my dd (they’re playing her servants, which rubs salt in the wound, somewhat...)

Many of the mothers of the kids in her year are really unhappy with this. They think the auditions were a stitch up and the teachers had decided who would play each part before they even held the auditions. And they don’t think it’s fair that my dd gets a huge, fun part when she didn’t have the courage to audition. I’m not really sure how to respond when I hear these whispers/insinuations, because, on one level, I can see how good my dd is in that part, but on the other hand, I can see the injustice of it.

So, what do you think? Should my dd have been given the main comic role because of her natural acting talent? Or should she not have been given a major part because, unlike other kids who probably have worse voices and far less confidence than her, she couldn’t pluck up the courage to do a solo singing audition?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 23/06/2018 12:44

Catkin The leads were chosen in reception and never changed.

As the years went on less and less bothered much with the plays. In the end a lot of parents didn't bother going to see the end production.

couchparsnip · 23/06/2018 13:04

Its not her fault she didnt audition. They ran out of time, which is the teachers fault. They should have done two types of audition not prioritised one over another. You won't even have to speak to these people again in a month's time anyway. Ignore them and concentrate on your Dd. She will be amazing and all sour grapes will be forgotten.

PrivateDoor · 23/06/2018 13:14

OP you are right, it is very unfair. However the school are to blame here, not you or dd. Just be positive about it to dd and explain to her that she has done nothing wrong but maybe make sure she understands why others are annoyed.

MissEliza · 23/06/2018 13:20

Our school, like most schools, picks the same kids year after year. It's also annoying as most of the kids who get picked do stage school outside of school. Meanwhile my dd isn't allowed to represent the school at a sport she plays outside of school as she is deemed to high a level and it's not fair on the other kids apparently. Complete crap.

Cobrider · 23/06/2018 13:29

It’s interesting to hear teacher’s opinions on this. I found it very hard to tell my child who practiced and tried so hard every year to get a part why the same boy got it for four years in a row. He didn’t audition either.
I think that children learn to give up and that life isn’t fair.
I am of the type of parent complained about who doesn’t want a west end production, I want the children to enjoy it and I don’t care about mistakes or polish, especially at primary level.

Pengggwn · 23/06/2018 13:31

There isn't any need for schools to try to replicate the 'real world'. Schools are highly controlled, artificial environments where we - or we are supposed to - teach you g people how best to conduct themselves in the world. The fact that there is unfairness in the 'real world' is no justification for unfairness in schools. There is also, in the real world, corruption, famine, nepotism, misogyny, prejudice and general dishonesty of all shapes and sizes. Should we have all of that in school too? Hmm

IslaBoots · 23/06/2018 13:40

There will be more than one main part in any musical.....The other principle characters will be decided on who sung the best at audition.

I have to say that it's very strange that the main part in this musical doesn't require a singer. I can't think of any musicals where the lead doesn't sing. Which musical show is it OP?

Olddear · 23/06/2018 13:44

They chose the best singer I assume? They know your daughter is good...what's the difference? Any snide remarks, I'd say 'you'll really need to speak to the teachers regarding that' End of.

ForalltheSaints · 23/06/2018 13:59

I tend to agree with the OP. Life may be unfair but there is no need to add to it. The teachers in my opinion made the wrong decision, although it may have been to ensure the best performance for the school.

Sixerseconder · 23/06/2018 14:09

I have to say that it's very strange that the main part in this musical doesn't require a singer. I can't think of any musicals where the lead doesn't sing. Which musical show is it OP?

Perhaps I wasn’t quite clear - she’s not playing the main role, she’s playing the main comedic role.

The play is a musical version of Alice in Wonderland. She’s playing the Queen of Hearts. So the main part is Alice (though it’s actually been split between three girls, the best singers, so all in all, dd really has a bigger part than each of them individually).

Also, in case people misunderstood, all the year 6 children are in the play - the rehearsals take place during lesson time. So the auditions weren’t to be in the play, they were to determine who played what.

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 23/06/2018 14:50

Is it the Musicline version? We’ve done that one & we also had 3 Alice’s.

IslaBoots · 23/06/2018 15:45

Sixer... The role of Queen of Hearts needs a big personality. .. Wishing your dd the best of luck! It's a fantastic role and not for the average 11 year old who has no stage experience.

My dd was a playing card in the CBeebies production. Justin played the Queen of Hearts.

DS auditioned yesterday for the "White Rabbit" in the upcoming Alton Towers version. I doubt he will get it. But he had an amazing experience!

Your dd doesn't have the 'main' role ( But it is definitely the best role 😉). Tell her to ignore the haters and have a great time.

School productions always bring out the worst in people... Music Theatre is very competitive. Some you win. Some you lose. That's life! Again - Go for it and Good Luck! 🍀

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 15:57

She’s playing the Queen of Hearts.

Oooh, good luck to your DD! I love Alice in Wonderland.

The fact that there is unfairness in the 'real world' is no justification for unfairness in schools.

But the type of unfairness you're talking about is "not everybody has the same amount of talent." Which, okay, we could see as unfair, but it's an unfortunate reality. It's not something that can be combatted like misogyny; it's the way humans are.

I see fairness as who is best gets what they have earned through their talent and hard work.You could argue that that's a bit harsh for primary school, but I'd rather kids learn that they won't be brilliant at everything than they learn that despite being good at things, they won't get them in the name of "fairness."

If the best at singing all got the main role, OP, I'd say it was more jealousy than miscommunication, because clearly the auditions were taken into account.

petrolpump28 · 23/06/2018 16:51

I suppose an ethical dilemma would be.....is it ok to lie about my CV....is it ok to be a whistle blower. Not should I get my knickers in a twist about a load of kids in a school play.

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2018 17:22

I don’t think you need to feel guilty or apologetic. But the teachers need to make the rules clearer in future.

and parents who moan and think it’s “unfair” could always organise for their children to get performing experience outside school. 3 of ours go to a theatre school on Saturdays and love it.

IslaBoots · 23/06/2018 17:27

and parents who moan and think it’s “unfair” could always organise for their children to get performing experience outside school. 3 of ours go to a theatre school on Saturdays and love it.

Prepare for an avalanche of posters who can't afford to send their children to after school performing arts groups - but still expect them to take the lead in school concerts.. 😏

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2018 17:36

One of the local (well rated) drama schools round here charges £2.50 a week. I’ve also seen opportunities through things like beavers /holiday clubs etc to for children to get chances perform. We can’t expect school to do everything for us.

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2018 17:38

Also, for what it’s worth, my 4 year old is auditioning for a part in the next theatre school show, and is well aware (without needing to be told) that her part will be based on her capabilities and noton some kind of lucky dip.

mozzybites · 23/06/2018 17:41

My dd is quite shy and is gradually starting to sing in public as she would like a larger role in the year six play next year, but she has also joined choir and will be attending the after school prep club that is run for this play. I don't think that a shy singer is automatically going to be any good in the main comic role and your dd wasn't given the main role, so I wouldnt worry.
My DS got a major role with a song this year because he is very outgoing and enjoys acting, I suspect others might have better singing voices but it was only a small part of his role overall.
The same DC are going to win sports day every year or come top of maths, DC have different abilities.

TabbyMumz · 23/06/2018 17:47

You say you think your daughter is a good actress and one of the best in her year...you then go on to say how she'd bagged all the main parts in school for years. How can you possibly say she's the best...no one else has had a look in. She's possibly the loudest and has the most confidence, again this is possibly because she's had so much practice having the main parts. This used to wind me up no end, same kid, every year. I've been to lots and lots of school plays over the years, I've never seen a single good actor or actress yet. I've seen lots of precocious ones though. I don't think it's right at all that the same kids get the best parts over and over.

SpandexTutu · 23/06/2018 18:37

She’s also had major roles in all the previous school plays.
This is the real problem - your DD got a great role when she didn't even audition.
People are correct to be pissed off, but it is not your fault or your DD's fault - it's the teacher's.

SpandexTutu · 23/06/2018 18:40

I was a perfectly reasonable actor yet had parts in the nativity including Second Cow (I wasn't even allowed to moo)

That's the funniest comment I've seen on this site for a long time! GrinGrinGrinGrin

MissEliza · 23/06/2018 19:02

Good point Tabby. She's possibly better because she's getting more practice. The main problem here for me is not what the parents think but what the other kids will think. For sure there will be at least some who resent the fact that this girl has been treated differently. It's not good for her relationships at school.

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 19:13

This is the real problem - your DD got a great role when she didn't even audition.

I think what happened is the teachers somehow communicated that all the role decisions would be based on the auditions (which doesn't make sense, obviously, because some roles have hardly any singing involved.)

Which is just poor communication, obviously. Maybe just direct complaining mothers to the teachers, they can explain. It's not really your fault or problem.

Ihuntmonsters · 23/06/2018 19:52

I have a child that has both acted and sung in school and drama group productions and I do think more care should be given to how parts are allocated. If the director wants to pick the actors/singers themselves that is fair enough, but don't then run auditions and don't tell children that don't have a chance that they will be considered for a good sized part.

OP if instead of your natural star you had a child that hasn't been picked before but desperately wanted to shine you would know how much they care, how much they put into their audition, and how nervous they were beforehand and when waiting to hear if they have been picked. And then how deflated they are not to be picked, how angry they might feel about being overlooked in favour of the star and how unfair it was to be made to audition when there was so very little point to it. Even more unfair if the best part has been changed to fit a particular child's personal weaknesses which would have excluded anyone else. As the play gets closer they may get more and more upset and then their parents may feel upset too, and yes they may moan about it. If the star is genuinely very good that's great, but in my experience the children that think they are very funny are often just a bit overbearing and overact terribly. Now that may be better than children in main roles who speak too quietly and have no charisma at all, but there is middle ground to be found, and I don't think it's good for even the star to feel that they were selected because of favouritism.

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