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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School play ethical dilemma - do you think this is fair?

203 replies

Sixerseconder · 22/06/2018 22:55

I was just wondering if I could fish for opinions on whether or not this situation is fair. I’m feeling rather conflicted about it, even though it’s my child who benefits.

My dd is 11 and in Year 6. At her school, the two year 6 classes join together to do a play, as one of their end of primary school celebrations. In recent years, the play has been a musical.

My dd is a really good actor, I would say one of the best in her year. She won a school competition last year where all the kids in her year recited a poem from memory - she did a funny one by Roald Dahl and she got to perform in front of the governors. She’s also had major roles in all the previous school plays. She’s confident and she’s funny. I’m not just saying this as a biased Mum - I fully recognise the many things she is absolutely terrible at, including anything sporty. She can’t draw either. But when it comes to exuberant acting and making people laugh, she can do it.

The problem is, the one thing she is shy about is singing. She doesn’t have the most amazing singing voice ever, though she can sing in tune, but she is adamantly opposed to ever singing solo in front of other people.

And the school play this year, as it has been in recent years, is a musical. For this year 6 school play, they held auditions (for previous plays further down the school the kids were asked to write down their top 3 choices of parts and teachers allocated them, my dd always ended up with a big part). And these auditions were singing only, and took place in front of the whole of year 6 and all the year 6 teachers. The children were told they could either sing a song on their own or with some friends, but had to sing at least a few lines solo.

Dd decided not to do a singing audition. I obviously wasn’t there, but dd tells me that almost every other child in Year 6, including all the other girls, auditioned. Many of these kids were clearly terrified of singing in front of so many people, and many couldn’t sing very well or in tune, but, unlike my dd, they faced their fear and did it.

However, when the parts were allocated, my dd was given the main comic role - it’s a role that had a lot of speaking lines, and didn’t have many solo singing lines, and those it had the teachers told her she could sing in a group rather than on her own. She’s in every scene, she loves the role, and she’s so good at it and so funny (I’ve seen a dress rehearsal as I’m helping put costumes and props together.)

But... many of the kids who actually sang by themselves to audition, and who were very shy, and sang very quietly or a bit out of tune, have been given rubbish parts. Two of them don’t actually have any lines, and just follow around my dd (they’re playing her servants, which rubs salt in the wound, somewhat...)

Many of the mothers of the kids in her year are really unhappy with this. They think the auditions were a stitch up and the teachers had decided who would play each part before they even held the auditions. And they don’t think it’s fair that my dd gets a huge, fun part when she didn’t have the courage to audition. I’m not really sure how to respond when I hear these whispers/insinuations, because, on one level, I can see how good my dd is in that part, but on the other hand, I can see the injustice of it.

So, what do you think? Should my dd have been given the main comic role because of her natural acting talent? Or should she not have been given a major part because, unlike other kids who probably have worse voices and far less confidence than her, she couldn’t pluck up the courage to do a solo singing audition?

OP posts:
Sixerseconder · 22/06/2018 23:32

Did the others have a choice or was it presented as singing only?

It was all very strange. My dd asked if there was any option other than singing, and was told she might be able to recite a poem, but that t he singing auditions would be prioritised. She was devastated auditions when she hadn’t got to recite a poem, because from what the teachers had said, and the extent to which they had built up these auditions in the kids’ minds, she thought she was going to get a rubbish part.

It’s because the teachers made it seem like the auditions were the be all and end all that so many kids who couldn’t really sing at all auditioned anyway.

OP posts:
Sixerseconder · 22/06/2018 23:34

*after the auditions

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/06/2018 23:35

This has been so badly handled by the teachers, it sounds like a mess.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 22/06/2018 23:38

Your daughter should not have got a part because she didn't audition for a part.
Our year 6s auditioned (acting) and were given parts based on that. It may well be that children were given major parts because they were good and those children happen to have had main parts in the past, which parents think is unfair, but the year 6 staff don't know/remember who did what in previous years and choose the best children for the role.

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 22/06/2018 23:39

What a shit lesson for the other children and it does your child no favours either.

The parents here are 'right' and I'm not sure there's much you can say. Your kid got what she wanted without having to 'put in' and that's not going to change. You can't really say anything to justify that, surely?

neveradullmoment99 · 22/06/2018 23:44

Its not your fault but honestly, I cannot stand this. Year in year out it is the same people that are chosen for things. Its completely wrong imo. They should give others a chance even if they are not as good. Its a childs play fgs!

Bibesia · 22/06/2018 23:45

But, to be fair to your daughter, it's not her fault that she didn't audition - she was prepared to audition in accordance with the decision that she might be able to do a poem: it wasn't her fault that they ran out of time.

neveradullmoment99 · 22/06/2018 23:47

She also did not audition, so she should not have got it. Its a poor example to set. They were clearly wanting her for the part and couldn't rig it because she didn't audition. Not your or your daughters fault though.

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 22/06/2018 23:51

Plus ça change... happens every year in every school up and down the country. My child never got decent parts either. It's not fair, but it is life!

Paranoixia · 23/06/2018 00:11

I think it's the school's fault entirely.

They clearly wanted her to have that part, and that's fine - it sounds like she's well suited for it.

But they should have made sure she could audition in some form, and let her recite a poem, so it didn't look like a complete stitch up.

And they shouldn't have given the other kids the impression that these auditions would solely determine parts, thus pressuring kids who were probably absolutely terrified to sing publicly, and then not reward them in any way.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/06/2018 00:27

I pity the teachers who have to arrange school plays - and the parents who have to sit through the fucking things.

Either the kids with some acting/singing skills get given the bigger parts every year, and some parents whine that their kid (who either doesn't like performing, or simply has no aptitude for it) should have got more lines - or the school, in the interest of 'fairness' and 'inclusiveness' gives the lead to the kid who's either incapable of learning the lines or can't carry a tune in a bucket, resulting in the most excrutiating performance. So every year the staff have to decide between giving the good performers the good parts and dealing with whining/fighting parents, or putting on a complete shambles of a play.
(DS' former primary had a fun option of dividing each lead role between two or three kids: so in scene 1 the prince or the monster would be played by kid A, in scene 2 it would be a different kid, and in scene 3 year another kid. If it was a play the parents weren't all that familiar with, it would be quite hard to work out WTF was going on...)

Danniz · 23/06/2018 00:28

From the school's point of view, they know what your daughter can do, but they maybe don't know what other children can do, and wanted to give them the chance to demonstrate their abilities. They then cast the play based on what they now knew about all the kids.
A child who auditioned but would mess up a big part should not be offered a big part.

AlliKaneErikson · 23/06/2018 00:49

Speaking from honest experience as a music/performing arts teacher (secondary school), you usually do have an idea in your head of who will play the roles. However, if you don’t audition you don’t get the part and quite often, we are surprised by pupils whose talent may have gone ‘unnoticed’ so far (they just haven’t auditioned or been confident before) and we change our minds anyway.
The best person should obviously get the part...but I do think they have to audition. In your dd situation, though, it could be argued that she just didn’t want to audition for a main singing part, and given the chance to do an acting only audition she would have.

Lalliella · 23/06/2018 07:25

Your daughter’s the best actor, she was prepared to do an acting audition, she didn’t get the chance to, but the teachers know of her talent so gave her the role. I really don’t see the problem. Ignore the whisperers, they’re petty, childish and jealous. You’ll be out of there soon, thank your lucky stars! Just sit back, enjoy the performance and bask in your DD’s glory.

Pengggwn · 23/06/2018 07:36

I wouldn't be happy as a parent that a child who didn't audition got the main part. What sort of message does that send to kids? Completely unfair, and yes, I would be having words with the teacher.

AJPTaylor · 23/06/2018 07:38

i would simply say
"She didnt ask for the part, she was given it. Ask the teachers why"
and carry on counting down to the end of term.

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/06/2018 07:39

I can see why other parents aren't happy but I wouldn't raise it with you or your daughter, it should be raised with the school.

lljkk · 23/06/2018 07:43

I'm confused... OP's DD attended audition room but did not audition in any way, because they ran out of time? Was she the only person who didn't get to do a public audition due to lack of time?

If she wasn't able to audition only because of lack of time, then I understand her getting the part since they knew she was suitable.

As for getting upset about the parts their kids got in the school show, omg, this is primary school & they all leave in 4 weeks! I can't understand caring so much.

ScrubTheDecks · 23/06/2018 07:49

The school football team probably has the same kids in it all the time: the good ones!

Maybe the auditions were to give kids a chance to show that they could do it even though they had never demonstrated that before, an insurance mechanism in case good performers had been missed.

Maybe the school could have given all her singing solos to the children playing servants.

AppleKatie · 23/06/2018 07:50

The school handled this badly.

I think you should just say that you had no hand in the process and decisions made my teachers are not your DDs fault. Then rise above.

shiklah · 23/06/2018 07:51

The teacher had allocated the roles when they selected the play and the 'auctions' were meaningless. Its common and I think very poor. The school play isn't about being the best, its about having a chance.

You are clearly taking a sensible view OP. I was in a similar position where my DD was selected for a sports event despite not wanting to do it and not trying out. When parents mentioned it to me I agreed with them and said I was annoyed that DD would get the idea she was 'special' and didn't need to work hard/try out. They understood my pov and it is not good for any of the children. Roll on summer!

Witchend · 23/06/2018 07:52

It is unfair but I don't think it's your problem to solve.

I had similar. Me and dd1 went to the teacher in year 6 and said that she'd had a main part in the Christmas play 3/4 years, so she didn't want a main part this time, but if she was good enough then she'd love to have a smaller one.

She was given the main female lead.

When I asked about it they said she was the only one who could take the lead (no she wasn't) and if she wanted to step down then fine, but she couldn't have a part, she'd be in the choir only, whereas I was thinking of her being swapped with someone with a smaller part. It didn't seem fair for her to end up with no parts for being generous enough to offer it for someone else either.

But I'll swear their school sorts out a list in year 3:

  1. Big part
  2. A few lines
  3. No part/choir

and refused to deviate from it.

If they didn't do auditions I would feel better about it (and I've had a main part-er, small part-er and I "I don't want a part under any circumstance" so I haven't had the upset child every year) but as you feel, it is unfair on every child who gets up and does the auditions nervously and gets nothing every time.

And, in all honesty, it isn't that they're choosing the same good people each time. We had the inaudible soloist, the no-emotion reciting voice (always in a part where they should have shown emotion) and similar that got the parts each time. And there were children I'd seen perform elsewhere who were genuinely good who never got a single line.

And they're a large school so often it's only about 10-15% of the year group have anything of a part at all. The rest sit round in school uniform as the "choir".
I do feel when I see the plays that I could do a better job and get 50%+ with something of a part. When you have that number of children, don't give 2 shepherds 10 lines each; give 10 shepherds 2 lines each.

HushabyeMountainGoat · 23/06/2018 07:53

They shouldn't have held auditions and then chosen someone who didn't audition. It does send a poor message.

I don't think there is a lot you can say to other parents tbh. If you say that you agree that your DD shouldn't have that part then they'll just wonder why you didn't intervene when the roles were announced. If you say you agree you agree with the decision then you'll look like you support the teachers' favouritism.

I think you'll just have to ride it out for now and be glad it's the end of the year!

DarklyDreamingDexter · 23/06/2018 07:53

You're right OP, it is unfair. (Not you or your DD, but the school.) The same thing used to happen at my daughter's primary and I was fuming. One of her friends used to get the main part every time, even though she didn't audition. Schools should try to share the parts around, especially among the kids want to take part and aren't being made to. Make it known that it's the School who did this if anyone asks and refer them to the teachers. (Although probably they won't ask, but silently fume like I did!)

MissEliza · 23/06/2018 07:56

The teachers have handled this badly. I don't think it's acceptable that a child should get apart if she didn't audition. Others had a go at singing why shouldn't your dd?