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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

339 replies

NickMyLipple · 22/06/2018 22:31

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 23/06/2018 00:58

This reply has been deleted

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KnitFastDieWarm · 23/06/2018 01:05

If the OP did have PND, as some posters have suggested, do you really think reading these shitty holier than thou reposnses would help her? Hmm

Of course you don’t. Because it not about helping, it’s about judging another parent for not doing things exactly the way you would.

It’s pathetic, insecure, martyrish bullying and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Abouttoblow · 23/06/2018 01:06

There are some absolute fuckwits on this thread.
Your baby I'm sure is fine with their grandma.

Abouttoblow · 23/06/2018 01:11

*Monty27

OP you're hardly worth talking to however I am going to give you my take.*

You're hardly worth talking to??

Are you fucking serious?

3kidsnomore · 23/06/2018 01:16

some of the replies on here are absolutely disgusting,regardless of the age of the child we as mothers should appreciate how important it is to have outside support.

Monty27 · 23/06/2018 01:29

There's different scenarios here:
Anxious parents
Non anxious parents
People with a family support network around
People who don't have a family support network around
We are all different. Mature/immature,
grounded and happy DC?
I'd go for grounded and happy with a loving extended family Smile

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/06/2018 01:31

Some of the replies on this thread are really awful. The OP leaves her child overnight once very 2 weeks with the child's grandmother. She's perfectly safe and cared for.

3kidsnomore · 23/06/2018 01:33

also the attitude of some of the posters on here is why we as parents beat ourselves up so much,just because some parents couldnt bare to leave little baby jonny for years it doesnt mean its wrong for other parents to leave theirs much earlier.we all parent different at the end of the day

Abouttoblow · 23/06/2018 01:55

Monty27
I'm still curious as to why you think the OP is not worth talking to.
Care to elaborate?

Ellie73 · 23/06/2018 02:18

Your MIL is a hero. You are extremely lucky to have her look after such a young baby over night. I doubt it's teething as you also said it's very early but my little one cut his first 2 teeth at 16 weeks so who knows.
As for should I call or would I seem condescending? seriously? Even if the little one isn't poorly and is teething, it can be soooo tiring on the mother (carer). How about you just call her or text her to ask how she and the little one are doing and finish the question of with a statement of appreciation?
If you were my DIL I would feel a little taken advantage of that you drop off the newborn and then don't even call to check on your own kid. Grow up and stop making everything about you. How about you make the call about them.

Monty27 · 23/06/2018 02:24

aboutlow
Because this op is doing her own thing and I don't see the point of the post.
Like I have been saying already everybody is different. You must have missed it.
Thank you for your interest. I hope that sates your curiosity.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 23/06/2018 02:29

What the fuck is wrong with people on here these days Confused

I left DS1 overnight when he was 3 weeks old and went to a party. I can't remember when I left him again or when I first left ds2 but they had sleepovers at my mum's so I could catch up on sleep/go out/because my mum wanted to spend a night with her dgc.

I breastfed and co-slept and magically they both survived.

They are 13 and 11 now and we are extremely close AND they have a wonderful bond with my mum!

Judge away Grin

PinkAvocado · 23/06/2018 02:29

Those of you bashing the mums who don’t want to leave their children for a night are just as bad as those bashing those who wish to or need to.

There is a whole range of what is reasonable and not wanting to be apart from your baby is and so is needing a full night’s sleep whilst someone else who loves your baby looks after them.

In your rush to support the OP, don’t trample on the mums who make different choices.

LM1970 · 23/06/2018 02:39

This thread is hilarious.

I was 19 when I had DD1 and was a single parent. First night she spent away from me was when she was 3 weeks old- and it wasn’t with a family member either. I had post natal depression and was verging towards a breakdown I was that exhausted.

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

LM1970 · 23/06/2018 02:41

She’s 22 now and while she isn’t going to be the next Albert Einstein- she is a loving, caring, confident young woman with a brighter future ahead of her than I ever could of wished her to have.

I’m honestly horrified by some of the comments here. Some people find it fucking tough.

LM1970 · 23/06/2018 02:43

Those of you who are/going to be first time mums- don’t late the haters worry you. I know many people who have left their precious ones before their 18th birthday 🙄

HoppingPavlova · 23/06/2018 03:07

I had my first in daycare (nursery) from 12 weeks while I went back to work. Expressed and left them with bottles during the day. Qualified staff in a suitable environment. So I hardly think leaving a baby overnight with a loving grandparent is untoward. Particularly if OP is home the majority of the time, it sounds ideal and like it’s a situation that works all round.

Monty27 · 23/06/2018 03:13

It's not a competition.
It's about being happy with DC's care.
Whether it's with someone else or you it's knowing they are safe, wanted and nurtured.

ExecutiveDiamondBossBabeHun · 23/06/2018 03:19

I think it's lovely your baby and MIL get to bond and I'm sure MIL will call you if she needs to. Enjoy your sleep, I'm sure you need it Flowers

MouseholeCat · 23/06/2018 03:23

Jesus wept- it's her grandma people, not a random crack addict off the street!! The baby is fine and OP sounds completely normal.

OP, your MIL sounds amazing.

AltheaorDonna · 23/06/2018 03:42

Lots of sanctimommies on this thread! Of course it’s ok that a baby is looked after once a fortnight by it’s loving granny! WTF is wrong with you people? Being surgically attached to your offspring doesn’t make you a better parent you know!

Monty27 · 23/06/2018 03:55

I think there's a lot of deeper issues on here.
For those that judge people as being sanctimonious, it's probably through bad experience.

FASH84 · 23/06/2018 05:21

Why are posters making such a big deal about mum leaving baby with GPs once a fortnight? Firstly it's their family, their choice, they haven't sent her to the work house. My DH was in full time nursery at three months, dad worked but also had severe epilepsy that wasn't managed week by medicine back then and mum had to work full time, it's not a crime to not have a baby attached to you constantly. Secondly no one is mentioning the DH who also is fine with baby going to his parents' once a fortnight. It's OP being told she is a bad mother . Mumsnet is like the fifties.

feathermucker · 23/06/2018 05:39

Some of the reactions on here are disgusting, especially the ones suggesting the OP shouldn't have had her or the ones about SIDS.

You're doing NOTHING wrong OP. Sounds like your daughter has a lovely relationship with her grandma.

Broken11Girl · 23/06/2018 05:40

Adding to the sensible posters, it's fine to leave a baby with her loving grandmother for one night every 2 weeks. 14wo is not a newborn. The OP's MIL has clearly raised at least one child to adulthood alive and functional enough, I'm sure she can cope with the baby having a minor sniffle and take appropriate action and let them know if not. Some really nasty posts.

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