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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

39 year old friend has 18 year old girlfriend

338 replies

Pooshy · 22/06/2018 20:24

Our good friend is coming to a bbq with us tomorrow and bringing his gf who he's been dating since January

We've not yet met her but he's 39 and she is 18.....!! She is closer in age to my children than me

My DH and I are horrified that he's going out with someone so young. DH has expressed this to him plenty of times and how it's so wrong but it doesn't register. To top it off I know she had a tough childhood with sexual abuse from her father

He's actually a really nice guy (he's our sons godfather) but I just don't know how to act tomorrow....

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 22/06/2018 20:55

NewYearNewMe18

Why is my question being avoided? Its pertinent.

It really isn’t.

HairyToity · 22/06/2018 20:55

How do you know she was abused?

TheDowagerCuntess · 22/06/2018 20:55

I'm not in the slightest bit surprised you're worried, and good on your DH for speaking up.

I agree with a PP who said maybe just try to be kind to her. She probably needs it.

Original poster
Pooshy · 22/06/2018 20:55

I will be friendly and polite, and try to be open minded. I just find it quite sad

I'll let you know how it goes!

OP posts:
rosesandflowers1 · 22/06/2018 20:55

This poor very young woman has been abused in her childhood and now finds bdsm with an older man is her normal.

Unless OP is somehow linked to her as a counsellor or something, like somebody asked, there's no way to know that her past abuse is why she likes BDSM, or why she's dating an older man.

Maybe she likes him. Who knows?

VladmirsPoutine · 22/06/2018 20:56

You do seem to know an awful lot about the inner workings of your friend's new girlfriend and his lifestyle choices.

Original poster
Pooshy · 22/06/2018 20:56

Hairy - he told my DH what she's been thru

OP posts:
ZispinAndTurmericLatte · 22/06/2018 20:56

This happened with a close family member. A man in his (then) late 30s and a teenage girl. She was 19 when we were told about her, but the relationship had been going on behind the scenes for at least a few years, so not a relationship between two adults to begin with. I've been hugely uncomfortable about it. The girl in question is defnitely not "mature for her years" but to me has always seemed very young in all ways.

Nothing that I can think of that should or could be done, though, once both are adults. This couple is now married and to the outside seem to be getting on with their lives together just fine. Firmly in the "it's none of my business" category, I think. But yes I still think the guy was a creep to pursue a relationship with a clueless teenager.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/06/2018 20:57

I have a few friends who have a considerable age gap to their other halves, (some 8,14 and even 25 age gap) however they both complement each other uniquely.

Age is just a number, I would not be closed minded, and would base my opinion based on meeting them and getting to understand their relationship.

My Mum has 17 year age gap to her partner, however her partner is an old soul, and they both have numerous interests together and individually. My Mum has a a better relationship with her partner than she did with my own Dad.

NotTakenUsername · 22/06/2018 20:58

he told my DH what she's been thru

I wonder if she knows that...

TatianaLarina · 22/06/2018 20:59

I’d give him a right bollocking but that’s me.

I have no truck with middle-aged men preying on teenage girls.

If had any integrity he would leave well alone given her history.

BrownTurkey · 22/06/2018 20:59

Well if you are not friends with him anymore because of this then uninvite him. Otherwise, be welcoming and nice.

ocelot41 · 22/06/2018 21:01

I would think eeeeewww too OP. That's a huge age gap!

Dieu · 22/06/2018 21:02

Fucking perv.

Ethylred · 22/06/2018 21:05

Take your judgey pants off and burn them.

mozzybites · 22/06/2018 21:08

I think it is pretty ick but unless you are going to cut off contact with him I'm not sure what you can do.

NotTakenUsername · 22/06/2018 21:10

Ethylred Do you think that’s one of his pick up lines...? Envy

Mrsharrison · 22/06/2018 21:12

He's disgusting for sharing her past with your dp.
That poor girl.
I think your friend isn't so nice as you think.

crispysausagerolls · 22/06/2018 21:12

NotTakenUsername

LOL 😂😂😂

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 22/06/2018 21:13

God, she’s 18, not 8, was my first thought tbh(!), but on a more serious note, maybe it just works for them? My friend is 31 and likes men 15-20 years’ older, always has done she tells me.

This gap wouldn’t be for me personally, but maybe they meet in the middle and are perfectly happy?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/06/2018 21:16

The age gap is not big as such but I agree with OP that the younger person’s age matters.

Anon12345ABC · 22/06/2018 21:16

I was abused at 15 by a 35 year old. The ages here really aren't that different. It's vile. Why would any mature man want an immature 18 year who is barely more than a child.

TheDowagerCuntess · 22/06/2018 21:18

Touché NotTaken

Original poster
Pooshy · 22/06/2018 21:18

So sorry to hear that anon

OP posts:
Original poster
Pooshy · 22/06/2018 21:19

....but exactly. What would they have in common

OP posts:
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