39 year old friend has 18 year old girlfriend

[Pooshy]

Our good friend is coming to a bbq with us tomorrow and bringing his gf who he's been dating since January

We've not yet met her but he's 39 and she is 18.....!! She is closer in age to my children than me

My DH and I are horrified that he's going out with someone so young. DH has expressed this to him plenty of times and how it's so wrong but it doesn't register. To top it off I know she had a tough childhood with sexual abuse from her father

He's actually a really nice guy (he's our sons godfather) but I just don't know how to act tomorrow....

I think you have to see them as two consenting adults. It's still early days but you just never know. She may be 100% happy with a Sugar Daddy.

I have a very good friend who met her future husband when she was 18, he was 38. 30 years on they are still going strong.
At the time when they met her mum called him a pedo and banned him from the house etc.

It would put me off him and I would rethink guardianship.

Drip drip drip .…..

If you're worried she's vulnerable I think the best thing you can do for her tomorrow is be as kind and welcoming as possible.

Why are you avoiding my question though ?

Ewww and can you imagine a 39 yo women dating an 18 yo boy / man?!! Grim

Does he usually date men his age? A one off age gap is one thing; but I had an ex once who exclusively dated far younger women (I was the exception) and it really creeped me out because it seemed like he could “handle” (read control) them better.

Ew...I'd be pretty horrified too op.

I wouldn't be rude but I would certainly be...cool with him.

The half your age plus 7 is usually pretty bang on for where my 'ick' line is drawn tbh.

Well that latest info makes me lean towards creep!

he's got massively into BDSM

Wait, what? How much do you know about his sex life, precisely?

Something about "she's been abused so she must be vulnerable comment" isn't sitting well with me to be honest.

Plenty of people live through abuse and go on to live well asjusted lives making rational descisons about who they want for a partner.

And some will be vulnerable, and may look for an older / more mature partner to compensate for a lack of stability in earlier years. If the partner treats them with love and respect then again I don't nessecarily see how that is a bad thing.

Exactly - dating one 18 year old could be genuine liking of individual, dating a series smacks of issues.

He sounds horrible. This is who would raise your son if the worst happened...?

Yes your latest post puts it in a whole other light that he is clearly going for girls who will follow his so called BDSM script

BUT in that case why on earth are your continuign the friendship

I didn't mean to drop feed about the bdsm but didn't mention it initially as wasn't sure if it was relevant. Now that I think about it, it seems to feed into the control aspect many of you mention

He's a divorcee and since he's been single he's got massively into BDSM and gone our with younger and younger women / girls...

If he's into D/s it's probably best if I'm honest. BDSM can be dangerous depending on what it is - not sure a fellow 18 yo would really be the best choice if she's a masochist or into wax play or something.

That is assuming he likes to be the Dom?

Unless he seems to abuse/control her, it really isn't your position to judge.

Ratroly - I know too much to be honest and I think that could be the tip of the iceberg! He's quite open

Why is my question being avoided? Its pertinent.

We will require an update!

You haven't even met her. Since I was fifteen I was regularly assumed to be 5+yeaes older than I actually am. She may be the same. She may seem even older. Age is quite arbitrary. OK, if she us like you average 18 year old and he is like your average 39 year old it would seem a little off but even then not wrong. But she may be a bit mature for age. He may be a bit immature. And then it may seem completely normal.

Well there isn't actually anything you can do about it. How to act tomorrow: Kind and respectful - much like you would when generally meeting people, I would imagine.

Bleurgh...I’d feel the same as you. I couldn’t be chill about him dating someone who should essentially be a child to him. Yuck.

This is so sad. This poor very young woman has been abused in her childhood and now finds bdsm with an older man is her normal.

Well in that case I stand by my earlier comment; best thing you can do all round is strike up a friendship with this woman. It might even put your mind at rest, fingers crossed. And if it doesn't, well... come back to us.

Of course I’d be friendly and welcoming to her...but I’d think a lot less of him.