what happened in the shop..

[Butterflykissess]

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

Sometimes putting something in the pram basket and forgetting to pay isn’t a shoplifting tactic, I’ve twice put things in the pram basket whilst going around a large shop, fully intending to pay for them, but then forgotten I’d put an item in my basket and walked out of the shop without paying, both times I didn’t realise until hours later when I got home so now I don’t put anything in my basket.

OP I grew up with a parent who had several “fears” of pretty normal mundane things and I picked up on them and carried them into adulthood myself. If you think your anxiety isn’t affecting your kids then you’re burying your head in the sand.

I had dreadful anxiety and depression as a child through to young adulthood. I needed medication and was hospitalised for 3 weeks as a young teen. It really pisses me off that anxiety is used so much these days as an excuse for being rude, thoughtless, selfish and quite often just batshit.

I agree completely with the posters saying OP needs to sort her shit out before her kids end up like her.

Honestly, no matter how okay you think putting shopping into a pram is, it’s just not.

It’s fine to do this. I’ve done it with 3 DC in numerous shops several times a week for years. I get to the till, unload and then put it back under the pram, it’s absolutely fine. If I ever did get stopped by security I would show them my receipt. It’s not an issue to do this.

OP, please get help for your anxiety, you don’t have to live like this and it’s not fair on your DC to have this behaviour modelled as their normal.

would people really not feel embarrassed by being accused of theft infront of lots of people?

A bit panicked thinking did I forget to pay for that?! But embarrassed? No. If I’m using my own bag/basket/pram or basically anything other than the supermarket trolley, I accept I will be watched carefully for possible shoplifting. And I very openly make a show of emptying something non see through and shaking it out upside down so staff can see I’ve not left anything in a bag and tried to sneak it through.

so many people were looking and i guess not finding the receipt made it look like i had. it took a while to find it so im sure people left in that time thinking i had tried to steal. without being there its hard to know how bad it was, he created a massive scene.

He didn’t, from what you described. He asked if you paid and asked you for your receipt. The rest was your anxiety. Lots of self service tills also ask if you would like a receipt printed... if you select “no” then surely there must be a way for them to check the last transaction directly on the machine?

If I'd seen a young mother struggling at the tills with a small child, a pram and a lot of shopping and bags, and then spotted that there were still some items left in the basket, I would absolutely think that it was because she was flustered and distracted and had forgotten to put them through the till. So the first thing I would do is call after her and ask. My intention would 100% be to be helpful, rather than her getting home and realising that she'd left some of what she needed behind.

There's no way I would assume that it was 'obvious' that she didn't want them.

young mother??

anyway he did say if i dont have a receipt he thinks ive stolen them i already wrote that!

If you can't speak to the staff, what do you do when the self service till goes tits up - as they normally do several times in each transaction?

I also still don't understand why you put it through in two transactions.

Why would you think you didn't have the receipt when you literally just finished paying? Surely you'd have it or it would be on the till you just used.

And it's fine to leave stuff, as long as you give it to the staff, don't just leave it in the basket.

I put stuff back in Asda the other week. I had one big bag of stuff and it came to £80. I called someone over as I was on self service and asked them to remove some stuff as it was excessive for what it was. I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest, and the member of staff was also shocked at the few things (non perishables) I took off amounted to over £20.

i had walked away from the machine i was half way down, someone was now at the machine so i wondered if i left it there. i also asked my children if any of them had taken it as sometimes they grab it.

and ive already said why i done 2 transactions.

its not like i "planned" 2 transactions either, as i was doing it i realised it didnt fit. so thought best pay for it then do the other bits. hardly a big flaming deal. like others have already confirmed in my area you cannot take the stuff off unless its paid for. it will say please return the item to the bagging area, and stop the machine until you do.

OP you're only reading the bits you want, and adding to them to fit your own narrative.

I referred to a 'young mother'. Given that you have a pram and are buying nappies I thought that was reasonable. You obviously don't:

young mother??

I think that was a very odd snippet to pull from my post. I shall bow out.

It's not theft until you leave the shop however you're being a bit disingenuous to suggesting that he should have considered that you were going to return to the shelf when you'd left other stuff lying in the basket!

If your anxiety is so bad that you can't go through a checkout you need professional help.

You’ve had 9 pages of posters explaining to you why 2 transactions were a “big flaming deal.” If you want to carry on, then prepare yourself to be watched and questioned by staff more closely. From what you write, that will set off your anxiety and you want to avoid that. So, your choice.

just wondering what else people expected me to do when i realised it didnt fit? obviously i didnt know before hand like i said wasnt planned and cant take the items off till paid.

and young mother refers to someone who is YOUNG who is a MOTHER, not a mother who has young kids.

If I'd seen a young mother struggling at the tills with a small child
youve obviously decided to stereotype me as a young mother as you wouldnt need to put young infront of mother then go on to say "with a small child."

OP I have been stopped by store security because an item I had bought had a security tag that had been missed at the checkout, so the alarm went off as I walked through. I was approached and was asked for my receipt, which I had in my purse, security man removed the tag wished me good day and thanked me.
I imagine lots of people walking past may have thought I had been caught shoplifting, but I don't know them nor do they know me, and I knew I hadn't stolen. So I was not in the least embarrassed.

My DH is a security guard with a major supermarket. He stops people every day and asks to see their receipts. Sometimes they keep walking when he has said "excuse me..." as he is not allowed to touch them he may have to step in front of them or raise his voice to attract their attention.
Most times a receipt cannot be produced and the person is not willing to go back to the checkout or wait to look at the CCTV that every self service counter has. They just walk out leaving the goods behind because they HAD been trying to steal them.
He stops people who give clues that they are possibly stealing.

I read your post to him, and he said he'd have stopped you too.

i thought things were ok to be left at the tills as there is normally a basket they put them in

No it's not okay, it's a rather odd thing to assume. There are no baskets by any till just to collect goods people decide on a whim they no longer want. You really need to seek help for your anxiety, it will make your life so much easier.

I'd shop online from now on OP. Or maybe you couldn't cope with speaking to the delivery person? How the hell do you do anything in every day life? Get help. You've had tons of responses on here and have chosen to argue with lots of people so what's the point of your post? You've described yourself as batshit, most have agreed you are batshit. You've described the store staff doing his job, most have agreed he did his job. What do you want from us??

"so what should i have said "oh sorry i cant pay the rest as i dont have enough money on me" how humiliating"

Yes. That's EXACTLY what you should have done.

i do shop online. i dont have a bank card atm. thats been said.

i can use a check out if i need to. i think people are blowing what i said completely out of proportion. however they make me feel uncomfortable and nervous as generally the till operator attempts to make small talk which i find very difficult. so i avoid them as much as i can. if it was rational it wouldnt be called anxiety would it!

the grammar thing on here makes me laugh. im writing on a forum not an essay!

Sometimes I think I'm nuts then I read threads like this and realise I'm quite normal.