what happened in the shop..

[Butterflykissess]

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

Op, you've defended yourself well and you know that you've not been unreasonable. I hope that gives you confidence about how you shouldn't take much notice of people when you are inherently a good person, rather than this whole thing making your anxiety worse. People on here should be ashamed of themselves.
You've already acknowledged you could have apologised and handed the excess goods to the staff. What more do people want? Blood? Talk about kicking an anxious person when they are down.

@snewname

But that has nothing to do with it. If you change your mind, can't afford it, or notice that a packet is leaking so don't want it anymore then fine... the reason doesn't matter. Its the leaving it in the basket at the self service that matters. The next person in line can't put their basket up and someone has to actually come round and collect it. All she had to do was hand it over and say "sorry, I forgot I had these in the basket, could I leave them here". She didn't. She just walked off. And that's what drew the attention of the assistant. Which is the whole problem - she didn't like being called out infront of people and it wouldn't have happened if she's been a bit more courteous.

The reason for leaving them has nothing to do with the situation.

Why don't you want to use a shopping trolley, OP? You certainly wouldn't look out of place using a shopping trolley to do your shopping.

As someone who's suffered from crippling social anxiety I'd urge you to get help for your anxiety. It seems really scary but I'm so glad I went to my GP and got help. It's not an easy road but I'm a much, much better place now. You too can do this, you just need to take that first step, however daunting it may seem.

Do you know what your vitamin D levels are like OP? Low vitamin D can cause symptoms of low mood, including anxiety. You could get your vitamin levels checked at your GP - this way you don’t necessarily have to explain about having anxiety unless your vitamin levels are fine

rocin she's already acknowledged that giving it to the staff is what she should have done. But everyone keeps on flogging the same point.

Because she acknowledges it but then also goes on about how normal it is, how there was nothing wrong with it, how it's just the mumsnet universe that see the problem and she did nothing wrong. I think she also called us ridiculous for telling her not to do that.

This whole thing only happened to her because she left stuff lieing and the assistant had to call to her. So if she tho is it's so normal and does it again, the same situation might happen and that will be another shop she can't go into. So it is quite important that she changes her actions for the future.

What an odd thread.

OP, you need to stop saying ‘I can’t go back’ and own your bloody decisions. You know you can go back. If you are choosing not to that’s on you. Pretending to yourself it’s out of your hands is just infantilising yourself and will do your anxiety no good at all.

OP- am I being unreasonable
MN- lots say yes
OP- no I'm not you are all wrong
MN- here's some suggestions
OP- I'm fine I don't need help
MN- we are worried
OP- there's nothing he wrong
MN- starts going around in circles

OP, people are making suggestions because from the outside loooking in, your anxiety is controlling you more than you realise. Most people would not have behaved like you so to them it's not normal. If you didn't want people telling you that you were being unreasonable then I don't know why you posted?

You know what? Stay at home. Order online. Stop being a fucking drama queen. Done.

Why don't you want to use a shopping trolley, OP? You certainly wouldn't look out of place using a shopping trolley to do your shopping.

The OP answered this before - she's got a buggy, doesn't want to leave it at the front of the shop and can't push it and a trolley at the same time.

Some nasty responses here. Social anxiety causes you to react in illogical ways so stop trying to rationalise the literal. Biggest mistake of the ops was to start this thread because most of you will have made her feel worse.

@BoomBoomsCousin

We're not talking about the trolley at the supermarket. We've suggested she get one of those pull along trolleys to take herself and carry the baby in a sling or back carrier. It would make the whole shopping thing easier and smoother. But OP responded "I wouldn't be seen dead with a shopping trolley" so she obviously thinks they are just for the elderly and would rather carry on in her own difficult way.

Some nasty responses here. Social anxiety causes you to react in illogical ways so stop trying to rationalise the literal. Biggest mistake of the ops was to start this thread because most of you will have made her feel worse.

GoldenGumballs What OP needs to take away from this thread is that her behaviour and her thinking are abnormal, and that she needs to get help before her children are similarly affected. It may already be too late if they’re school age.

And yes, I know what social anxiety feels like. It made me virtually housebound for the best part of a decade. I sought help and I am now fully recovered, and that’s what the OP needs to do for the sake of her children.

@BoomBoomsCousin but there's a difference between saying, for example, "I find it difficult to use a trolley when I have a child in a buggy" and saying" [I] wouldn't be seen dead using one" That's just off.

I] wouldn't be seen dead using one" confused That's just off.

Yeah, it’s off because it’s the OP’s anxiety talking; she has tunnel vision.

It’s the same reason why she thinks nobody will know she has anxiety and her kids won’t pick up on it; she thinks she’s hiding it, but that sort of behaviour is glaringly obvious. Hence why anxiety runs in families.

Wouldn’t be seen dead using a shopping trolley IN THE SUPERMARKET?!

I must be missing something.

Wouldn’t be seen dead using a shopping trolley IN THE SUPERMARKET?!

I must be missing something.

RoseWhiteTips You are: the ability to understand anxiety.

Anxiety makes you think irrationally. I’m guessing OP wouldn’t use a shopping trolley as they are mostly associated with the elderly, and therefore she wouldn’t want to be seen with them and have people wonder why she was using one. She doesn’t want to draw attention to herself.

Least that’s how I felt about them when I had severe social anxiety.

It seems it was an "old lady" type shopping trolley being suggested and not an actual supermarket trolley. (They are actually quite popular with young mums here though. A lady at school who's daughter was in my daughters class asked for one for her birthday. The shop is a quarter of a mile away so no need to take the car but everything too heavy to carry). I'm confused though too OP is bonkers as far as I can tell and as I previously put, I've had dreadful anxiety and depression to the point of being admitted to hospital as a child so do appreciate how it affects people. OP isn't interested in what anyone has to say unless they agree with her and encourage the absurd thinking pattern. She doesn't want opinions or help so I'm not sure why she's posted. People have tried their best to help and understandably got fed up.

I suggested a rucksack or similar on wheels if she didn't like the idea of a shopping trolley. She didn't even bother to reply to that.

OP is bonkers as far as I can tell

LiteraryDevil1 If you have had anxiety you should be ashamed of yourself. This is a shockingly dreadful comment and continues the stigma attached to mental health we should be trying to get rid of.

Of course the OP is burying her head in the sand. Of course she’s not acknowledging she needs help. She’s terrified! That’s exactly what anxiety does to you.

It takes a lot of guts to go to a doctor and get help and it takes a long time for some people to be able to do that.

I still don't understand how 'it didn't fit'. I've taken a heaped small trolley through the self service tills, how can shopping in a basket & pram be too much to go through in one transaction?

I agree with posters who say that the root of this situation the OP describes is her anxiety; her thinking, assumptions, behaviour are the reasons for ‘odd’ or abrupt or illogical reasoning or behaviour and I think the rather judgemental posts here are very unhelpful. OP, I am a CBT therapist and from my experience social anxiety can be greatly helped relatively quickly. It’s also an extremely common problem which means there are a lot of accredited CBT therapists with experience of this problem.

You can ask your GP for a referral to IAPT (NHS talking therapies service) or you can self refer to your local service. If you want to pm me I can help you locate it. If you go private only use an accredited therapist, they’re listed on the BABCP register.

You could also look at the ‘Overcoming’ series of books. I believe there is one for social anxiety and also for generalised anxiety (GAD), OCD, health anxiety etc. These books are not very expensive but should also be made available to anyone through the ‘Books on Prescription’ scheme at local libraries.

I feel for you as it’s clearly interfering with your life but it really is possible to make changes so you don’t have to avoid places or people.

Discussing supermarket etiquette is a red herring

YouOKHun Great post.

I am a CBT therapist and from my experience social anxiety can be greatly helped relatively quickly.

Definitely. I was virtually housebound for the best part of a decade with social anxiety. I had CBT and in seven months I went from unable to work or leave the house on my own to being able to hold down a full time job.

It can be done, OP

I thought it was the supermarket trolley that was being referenced. Sorry!

I’m with the OP, then. Who would want to use one of those old lady trolleys!?

So I was going through instagrams stories and saw someone using a trolley! See it can look sexy