what happened in the shop..

[Butterflykissess]

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

butterfly

I understand your anxiety issue and not wanting to use manned checkouts. You're using a strategy to stil carry on your day and do your shopping ... GOOD ON YOU!

It is unusual to do 2 transactions though. For future ... if your shelf is full but you still have more shopping, the staff can let you take it all off and override the ‘put items back on message ‘, then you can continue with the rest of your shopping. Just worth knowing for future.

As for the leaving shopping behind .... it’s not what people do as the norm. There’s no harm in not wanting it anymore, but it would be courteous to tell the staff there, who would then have moved it. But personally I would have taken mine back myself.

I work in a supermarket. I'm on a different department but often have to watch self scan.

I've never had someone leave stuff in the basket and walk away without saying something. I would assume it was forgotten and ask them. But plenty of people say ' Sorry, I've changed my mind/don't want this now'. No problem to me. I save my annoyance for people who dump frozen or chilled stuff on random shelves!

prettu fucking rude for leaving some items behind! MN is hilarious tbh, like i said you would think i killed a kitten, he would have also called me back if i walked off after
paying holding a basket with shopping in unpaid for. if you think leaving a basket full of shopping is "fucking rude" you need to get a grip.

People have been very harsh on you OP.
I have anxiety too, and perhaps some people lack empathy, and possibility have zero idea how they'd feel in your situation. I'd be embarrassed too, but don't let it consume your thoughts. If there's anything I've learnt since having anxiety is to remove the negative, and focus on the positive (I know, easier said than done, but it's something I learnt through CBT). Your positive is that you left the house, and did some shopping in store with small children in tow, although you felt anxious about it. That completely outweighs the negative incident, and in my eyes that would be a win.

Just a gentle suggestion too OP, AIBU is probably not the best place to post, I learnt that the hard way. Agree with trying to get the thread deleted .

And mumsnet used to be a supportive site. I can't see any reason why the op has been given such a hard time.

Please go back there op. You've done nothing to be embarrassed about.

She has been told the truth.
She needs help if she feels she would rather get on buses with young kids then just walk to the supermarket closest to her just because of one interaction.

She has anxiety and it's affecting her life. But she doesn't want help?

You can't use a checkout when you need to though otherwise you wouldn't be going to a self service till with far too much shopping for the transaction. I really don't understand why you don't want help for your anxiety. By not getting help and avoiding normal social situations such as a shopping till you are putting yourself in situations that are feeding your anxiety such as the episode yesterday. Is there a reason why you don't want to get better? You're doing yourself and your kids a big disservice by not going to the GP.

Yabu

Why would you just leave the stuff you didn't want to buy in the basket?! put it back on the shelf... i personally think that's really lazy, expecting someone else to pick up after you. Also why would you do 2 transactions at the self service?! I understand you have anxiety but as another poster mentioned you're drawing attention to yourself in a big way by this sort of behaviour! store assistant was only doing job asking about pampers, yes could have been more discreet but to be fair your response to just leaving the stuff you didn't want in the basket prop pi**ed him off!.

Leaving the items at a till point is not the done thing. That is really ridiculous.

Siwel it's very normal to feel that way when you have anxiety.

A quote from anxietyuk..

'Anxiety can make a person imagine that things in their life are worse than they really are, and prevent them from confronting'.

Completely relates this thread, the incident has been blown out of proportion, and OP is avoiding the supermarket rather than confronting the incident.

'The most common behavioural symptom is avoidance'.

Same as confronting the anxiety itself, it's not like getting an infection and knowing that you know you need medical assistance. The anxiety makes you avoid getting medical assistance because you are anxious.

Just for previous posters information ..
www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/anxiety-information/

You are being pretty rude to posters in your most recent response.

Precisely it's normal for people with anxiety. But when you've anxiety you need help.
It's not normal to be so panicky you can't go back into somewhere and that's why she needs help.

I have NEVER seen anyone leave stuff in that way.

The goading on this thread is an embarrassment.

The need to pick at someone repeatedly in order to make them feel even more anxious than they already do is far more concerning than anything described in the op.

Yes, alerting a member of staff to left behind items would’ve been better, nothing else that happened is a problem....at all!

Butterflykisses, nobody at the store will remember or care about what happened, don’t let it impact on you to the extent you make life harder for yourself.

The issue is that you avoid confronting the issues. She is actively avoiding confronting the anxiety, because she is anxious. It's a vicious cycle, and yes everyone with anxiety needs some support or help, but this thread and how it's derailed is really not going to help. No one can force OP to receive help, it's something she needs to be ready to confront, and do for herself.
Information and support would be much more beneficial in this thread.

This is classic shoplifter behaviour - the stuff in the pram (that the shoplifter ‘accidently forgets’ to scan) the multiple transactions (so someone looking can’t be sure which transaction something was scanned on - and of course it hasn’t been scanned at all) the providing a distraction for the cashier / security person (the left behind goods).

I once had a shoplifter go through ‘how to shoplift using kids and a pram 101’ as a naive new employee of the criminal justice system and your list of actions is practically word for word what she told me she does (I think she found my boggled amazement very funny).

Also, to correct what some people have said, theft is dishonest appropriation with intent to permanently deprive - the offence is committed when the item is taken from the shelf not when the person leaves the shop. Many shops let people leave because it’s easier to prove but it’s not required. If they think they have sufficient evidence without (like the item being slipped into a concealed pocket down the front of a skirt for example), they will stop people earlier.

Anyone suggesting you have grounds to sue must either be incredibly stupid, or a call centre operator at one of those tinpot ‘legal solutions’ firm where no one has even sniffed at a proper law degree.
I never just leave items in the basket - it’s incredibly rude - but I have on occasion asked a member of staff if someone can put them back if the aisle is miles away, and I have the kids. You don’t have to take the trolley with you, and you don’t have to ‘man’ the conveyor belt. It doesn’t need supervising - it’s not sentient. Didn’t realize that about fresh food being binned. In which case supermarkets are entitled to try and prevent that loss. They won’t absorb the cost, so they’ll pass it on. We’re paying for other people’s laziness, then. Great.

They're not suggesting you're rude to leave shopping behind, they're suggesting you're rude to other posters.

What you're saying seems quite garbled and frantic. I really think you should get some help for your anxiety. It's obviously affecting more of your life than just not being able to use a manned checkout.

It always amazes me how many AIBUS where the OPs are unreasonable and then get some home truth, the OPs will say she has anxiety or hormonal. If you have anxiety, I suggest stay out of AIBU and go to your GP to get some help.

YABU btw. I wouldnt like being accused of theft but id deal with it like an adult would. And leaving shit in the basket is shitty. You still won't admit it is which makes you incredibly unreasonable. There is no supermarket fairies and I'd hate to be the person after using the checkout just to see there is a basket of stuff!

i said VERY early on i made a mistake leaving it in the basket. but ive been beaten about it since on and on and on!! what a massive crime i committed!

oh and i also said i wouldnt do it again. chose to ignore it though didnt you .

You sound like you make a production our of everything.

You carried your baby around the shop and filled the pram with stuff. Then get to the till, empty the pram to do half the shop. Put the baby back, pack your shopping in. Then do another part of the shop. Then leave stuff behind. The guy probably thought "another parent all over the place, left half her shopping, I'd better let her know". Then he found out you'd actually just left it expecting someone else to clean up after you. That's annoying and rude. So he's then asked about the nappies, and since you showed complete disrespect towards the staff by expecting them to clean up after you, why should he show you any respect when asking if you'd paid for the nappies?

Why don't you find a simpler way to shop instead of making a production out of it and drawing attention? Get a baby sling and a pull along shopping trolley. Then you can walk to the shop, stick your little trolley in the supermarket trolley, do your shop, pay and load up your trolley for the walk home. No need for flailing around and much easier to manage.

sorry but wouldnt be seen dead with a shopping trolley!