Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

what happened in the shop..

303 replies

Butterflykissess · 22/06/2018 19:56

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 23/06/2018 00:21

I think the best thing is to get this thread deleted. Its turning a bit nastyConfused

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 23/06/2018 00:24

yes i agree. how do i get it deleted?

OP posts:
Stefoscope · 23/06/2018 00:28

Honestly, you can go back in there, the staff almost certainly won't remember you as you could show a receipt for your shopping. I speak as someone who suffers from anxiety and who now works in a shop. I would have been a little suspicious of the way you behaved and would have had to asked to see your receipt, a lot of managers would discipline staff for not asking. Although I do understand why you think you can't go back there.

My mum has from all my memories of her, suffered from high levels of anxiety, and yes, as much as you don't think your child notices they most likely do.

Tangled59 · 23/06/2018 00:31

People on self service with loads of stuff piss me off. The point is to make it quick for people popping in. Its so selfish.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 23/06/2018 00:32

There was no need for the security guard to shout or assume that you were stealing nappies.
it was just doing his job, and it doesn't seem that he has done anything wrong - and that's from someone who did use her pram to put her shopping.

You can get this thread deleted because the majority of the posters do not agree with you, but it would be a great shame if you didn't accept to take some help to help your anxiety. You and your children are both suffering because of it, it's a shame.

FlyingDandelionSeed · 23/06/2018 00:34

Staff shouldn't be shouting at customers unless warning them of imminent danger.

Confused he was calling after the OP to make sure she wasn't accidentally leaving something behind, not yelling abuse in her face.

If you dropped your wallet/keys or something and were waking away I'm pretty sure you'd appreciate some one calling out to let you know, even if they did have to raise their voice for you to hear.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2018 00:35

I think it is becoming more widely known now that nappies are often a target for shoplifters. I think it's a fair point that the staff might have been disciplined for not being vigilant.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2018 00:37

It hasn't always been the case that MNHQ deleted threads because people disagreed with the OP.

Tara336 · 23/06/2018 00:46

I was virtually accused of nicking a 5p bag last week in Sainsbury because I scanned one at the start and realised I’d picked up two. So a5 end of my shop I thought actually I’ll use the other bag and scanned it. Girl walked up and said you e got two bags and only paid for one. So I said nope iv3 scanned two I’ll show you. She was so stroppy and rude as I showed her on screen! No apology she just sculked off to b3 rude to someone else

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 23/06/2018 00:54

its not because people dont agree. this thread is full of rude comments and nasty ones aswell.

OP posts:
newroundhere · 23/06/2018 00:54

YABU - it's the guy's job to check and I'm not sure how else you would've expected him to get your attention once you'd walked past him.

Also, I agree with the pp who said:

and who do you think is picking up after you? The supermarket fairy?

ilovesooty · 23/06/2018 01:06

Have you reported any of the comments?

Osirus · 23/06/2018 01:12

You are not good at hiding your anxiety. If it’s so bad you can’t use a manned till, how do you talk to anyone you don’t know?

Your kids WILL pick up on it, if they haven’t already. They may already think your behaviour is normal, which is really sad.

My mum had severe anxiety. She never even took us to school (someone else had to). I grew up thinking it was normal.

ALL of her 10 children have anxiety in varying degrees. Most have had to take antidepressants. Please do not let this happen to your children. YOU MUST seek help.

Failingat40 · 23/06/2018 01:15

its not because people dont agree. this thread is full of rude comments and nasty ones aswell.

Welcome to AIBU !! What did you actually expect?

To be honest, I can't say I've found anything particularly rude here - quite mild compared to the roasting some posters get in here.

Maybe ask to get the thread moved to a Mental Health. You will get more understanding over there. AIBU is not the place to post safely for anxiety sufferers.

lhastingsmua · 23/06/2018 01:24

You really need to speak to your go and get help

lhastingsmua · 23/06/2018 01:24

Gp*

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 23/06/2018 04:59

I don’t think there are nasty comments here, OP. I just think the majority of the posts have some home truths, particularly surrounding your anxiety and the effect it will, without a shadow of a doubt, have on your children.

While it may not be nice to hear, that’s exactly why you need to hear it: because you need to fix your anxiety and get help before you give your children the exact same problems.

Think about it: do you want them to feel how you feel? Scared because someone asked to see a receipt? Unable to go back to a shop because of a small incident?

No. You owe it to your children to be a healthy and well rounded individual, and to not take steps to ensure that you are is extremely selfish, and you will regret it when you see the harm you’ll have done to your children.

I know it’s scary, OP. I’ve been there. Exactly where you are; I’ve felt exactly how you do. But you will never get better by avoiding situations.

Thinking “oh if I just don’t do X I’ll be fine” or “oh it’s just when I do/see/speak to X I get anxious” is trapping you in your anxiety. It’s giving you tunnel vision and making you behave oddly and suspiciously, hence attracting attention to yourself in public.

You are not fine, OP. Your anxiety is debilitating and you need to seek help before it’s too late and your children start with the same anxiety too. If one or two are already at school age, you’re leaving it dangerously close.

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2018 05:26

Op is your anxiety as extreme that you can never use manned tills and interact with strangers, or is it more you were concerned you didn't have enough money so wanted to use the self service so you didn't have to deal with a person at the till and explain it?

The latter would be more understandable, the former a level of anxiety that is so extreme I don't think any of us understand why you wont seek help.

You can go back to the shop. It was simply some confusion and was cleared up. It's not a big deal. You don't need to be getting buses to do your shopping because of it. Really you don't.

FASH84 · 23/06/2018 05:59

The man just did his job, you had items in a basket and in the pram seat, you then put DC back in the pram, did two transactions, left some stuff behind and had nappies hanging on the pram. These are all classic shoplifter tactics at self check out, you may as well have gone in with a striped t shirt and a bag saying swag, then wonder why you are approached for a receipt. You had a receipt no harm done.
It's concerning that your anxiety has such an impact on you but you actively don't want support or help.
Scan and shop is great when you do a bigger shop, no queuing no loading and unloading, just scan and straight into your own bags meaning it's easier to unpack at home, one fridge bag, one freezer bag etc

FASH84 · 23/06/2018 05:59

You also know as you go round exactly how much is going to cost you and can put things back and remove them from the scanner

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 23/06/2018 06:41

What WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue said.

OP - I really don't know how to put this any more nicely - behaving like this and expecting it to have no consequences for you whatsoever because anxiety is not going to work. Neither is coming here and expecting comfort and validation for others' responses to behaviour that was really quite odd and to a degree disruptive.

SeriousSimon · 23/06/2018 06:55

Just leaving stuff abandoned at a self service checkout is shitty behaviour op and not normal at all.

I've left a couple of items several times at supermarkets when I've picked up a replacement I've seen and then forgotten to put the original back...so it does happen and I'd imagine that checkout staff are used to it.

But every time I would catch the eye of the staff member self service and tell them that I don't want the bread and the pasta now and I'm so sorry i forgot to put them back...and they're quite happy to take them off you and do it.

To say nothing is rude and odd and I'd fully expect someone to draw my attention to the fact I was apparently forgetting half my basket of shopping!

Pebbles789 · 23/06/2018 07:19

OP, it doesn't make semse that you would use a self service checkout for the reasons you've described.

Especially as you're more likely to have to interact and have to call someone over and converse with them when something maybe doesn't scan, or certain items need 'approving' by the assistant and so on.
At least at the 'manned' checkout the assistant will sort out any problems without you having to alert them.

Also, I've worked in retail and every single customer has to be viewed as a potential shoplifter, more so if they're acting strangely, as you appear to have been.
As for just casually dumping unwanted items at the checkout for someone else to put back, that's rude and selfish and was obviously one of the reasons you drew attention to yourself.

TopDog123 · 23/06/2018 07:32

Do you not realise that you are making a huge deal about nothing but then accusing MNetters of the same?

Why post?

LakieLady · 23/06/2018 08:01

OP, I think you've been given a pretty tough time on here, and realise that it must have been distressing to be treated in that way.

But please, go and see your GP about your anxiety. There is help available, no-one will judge you and it will make your life so much better to get it sorted.