what happened in the shop..

[Butterflykissess]

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

You need to address your anxiety OP, staff member wasn't to know you suffered from anxiety, also what you did was classic shoplifting, they leave behind a basket so the "helper" is busy storing the items away... while they leave with there stolen goods, nappy theft costs business on a whole millions of pounds a year.

He asked for you proof of purchase you could not provide it, until you prove otherwise in a store, you will be seen as suspicious until proven otherwise.

it's sadly they world we currently live in!

OP you need to speak to your GP.
It sounds as if things are tough for you.

And this is not a good environment for your children.

Please seek help.

its not normal to leave stuff behind? ofcourse it is. dont be ridiculous.

no holidays here im a single parent to 4! i manage fine as im good at masking it. my kids just think i prefer self check outs, which actually i do!

Why was the stuff in your basket if you weren't going to buy it?

I can't say I have ever left anything behind!

dont want to be accused of drip feeding. the facts are i left the shopping behind. wont bother going into why as didnt realise it was such an issue.

its not normal to leave stuff behind? ofcourse it is. dont be ridiculous.
and who do you think is picking up after you? The supermarket fairy?

If you are short of cash, then you don't have much choice, but otherwise, you take what you want to buy to the till, you don't just drop everything and expect the staff to run it back to the shelves for you.
Doesn't it sound very rude to you?

Realising you don't need an item and handing it back to a shop assistant is normal, throwing numerous items in your basket and just leaving them for someone else to pick up after you is not.

I;ve never seen stuff left behind at a self service check out.

It is confusing for staff and inconvenient for other customers- what do they do if they want to use the check out after you and all your stuff is piled up?
Is it then up to the next customer to deal with your leavings or ask a staff member to decide what to do?

I think it;s quite rude.

i manage fine as im good at masking it

You think you are good at masking it because you desperately want to be, but it will be glaringly obvious.

By "The man" do you actually mean he was a member of staff @Butterflykissess ??

When I first read the op I assumed it was just a male customer?

Taking an excessive amount of shopping to a self checkout will probably be a red flag to look out for potential shoplifting/theft by not scanning everything so it's likely you were being watched anyway.

If he felt you became aware of being watched then saw you abandon the rest of the shopping (obviously thinking you weren't able to pay for it after intending to steal it) he called you out on it.

Unfortunately people who do what you did today are actually thieves, there's plenty of them! I wouldn't take it too personally if you were indeed genuine, especially as you were able to show you'd paid for the nappies.

Just go back and don't be afraid to use the check outs, the staff hardly interact with you anyway and it's much less hassle than trying to use the self checkout for a big shop!

Leaving stuff behind and doing multiple transactions in and out of prams are classic shoplifting distraction techniques. We actively look out for it. It's as suspicious as walking round, scoping out the cameras.
Hardly anyone legitimately leaves things behind at a self serve. Occasionally at normal tills but not often at the self scanners. I'm sorry you were humiliated, OP but you did rather call attention to yourself and he probably, genuinely thought you were a shoplifter.

@Butterflykissess

It's really not normal to leave stuff behind. Hundreds of people go through the check outs everyday but there are not hundreds of items left at the till. That equals not normal.

If you change your mind, you return it before you go to the till. It's the lazy people who leave stuff on whatever shelf they feel like and who leave it at the till. You just sound a bit erratic and seem to be one of those 'I do no wrong' attitudes.

It;s really not normal to leave stuff behind at a checkout. People usually only put stuff they want to buy in their basket in the first place! And even if I did get to the checkout and find I'd picked up two tubes of toothpaste instead of one, I wouldn't just leave the extra one in the basket. That;s weird.

OP you seriously need help with anxiety if it's so bad you can't go through a manned checkout and are now refusing to go back to the shop where everyone will have forgotten about this non-event already. As someone else said upthread, and as kindly as possible, you are not that important. People are going about their own business and couldn't give two hoots about what you are doing/saying. There are problems with self-service tills all the time and what happened to you is not exceptional.

You need help getting this into perspective.

I'm not sure why folks are so fixated on the leaving stuff behind, I'd assume the op didn't have enough money, she did it, it's not great but it's not the end of the world.

The bigger issue I think is the op can't go through a manned check out in a supermarket, that's very extreme indeed, pretending to your kids you prefer it, and now to have to get bus journeys to a different supermarket is deeply concerning behaviour, at some point the kids will be old enough to know it's abnormal, but they may also start to model the mother's behaviour and have problems in later life, expecially if she's a single parent and they don't see normality modelled.

Op, I'd just make an appt with your gp to discuss your anxiety. This is fixable, there is no reason for it to go on.

I rarely write this on this forum, but Bluntness is absolutely right.

The self checkouts are not designed to put large loads of shopping through, let alone in multiple transactions. Doing that and then leaving a load of discarded items which would be in the way of the next customer is a rather selfish way to behave. It seems strange that if you have such anxiety that you cannot cope with an interaction with a checkout person that you would behave in a way that is so notable socially inappropriate and therefore likely to provoke a negative interaction with someone.

Good point. I suffer badly from anxiety and I wouldn't ever dump my shopping somewhere that was likely to attract attention and piss off the next customer and the staff. If I didn't have the courage to call over an assistant and hand them the items, I'd just choose to buy them instead, even though I no longer wanted them. Which is stupid I know, but my anxiety makes me want to a) be as inconspicuous as possible and b) avoid doing anything that makes people think badly of me.

I wouldn't say its un normal to leave goods behind, however at the same time its not unusual to leave goods behind also, it possibly will attract attention and in your case it did, it's a classic stop lifting distraction.

Its a non issue as to why you left times in your basket, you did and that will have caught the staff members attention.

I don't suffer anxiety but I would find it stressful taking a large shop through a self service till.

Without fail there will be a need for a member of staff to come and intervene- the scales don't register the weight, the item won;t scan and if you are putting through lots of items you are pretty much guaranteed that you will need a staff member to intervene and help.

Far less stressful to go to a manned till, most won't chat anyway except a hello and take the money.

i didnt have the money ok! but didnt want to explain that as didnt realise a few items behind was such a crime. i totalled it up wrong and was abit short. big bloody deal!! didnt realise it would be the main feature of the post!

You’re not good at masking it. You had to go to a self service checkout because you couldn’t cope otherwise and despite the fact it meant two transactions. Then you left shopping behind rather than telling a staff member about you changing your mind, then you panicked when asked for the receipt and then you couldn’t even wait for him to look at the receipt before you left. Oh and you can never go back again and will drag several kids on a bus rather than do so. You’re not masking it well AT ALL: Not to seek help when you’re conscious of the problem and have children is horrendously selfish and short sighted.

There's no need for 2 transactions. Once you've placed an item in the bagging area and it has registered the light turns green meaning you can remove it again.

You’re missing the point, OP. Loads of people don’t have enough money or calculate the amount wrong and are short, however they don’t just walk off leaving several items in a basket at self checkout.

It’s your behaviour here that’s odd, because it’s indicative of your anxiety.

It's understandable if you didn't have the money, but it's still not a normal thing to do. People initially pointed out that it's odd because you were distressed about the attention you garnered and they have identified that the oddness of this is one of the reasons why you garnered that attention. Your suggestion that it's actually a really normal thing is then itself an issue because, along with your denial of the problems your anxiety is for your children, it makes people think you are operating with a very skewed view of the world.

@Oysterbabe

My local doesn't work like that. If you remove something, then it says "assistance needed" until you put it back on or an assistant comes over and approves the the removal.

OP, you need to reframe the incident in your mind- you're massively blowing it out of proportion.

A shop assistant did his job, checking that you had a receipt, as you had an unbagged item which is often stolen. You'd forgotten where you put it, but then found it and showed him. Repeat that to yourself and don't give the other thoughts credence.

There is nothing abnormal about that interaction. There is no reason to avoid the shop. What is abnormal is the level to which your anxiety is controlling your life.

You have control over your anxiety, you just need the skills to realise it. Get some help. Believe me, it's worth it- I used to be where you are.