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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

what happened in the shop..

303 replies

Butterflykissess · 22/06/2018 19:56

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 22/06/2018 20:35

And yes, struggling to even go through a manned checkout sounds really debilitating anxiety. Are you getting any help / therapy / support?

slashlover · 22/06/2018 20:37

When you left your items behind in the basket, does that mean that the next customer couldn't put their basket down?

ihatetosay · 22/06/2018 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

aaronburr · 22/06/2018 20:42

I'm afraid it does sound like you drew attention to yourself by doing 2 transactions and then leaving some behind.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 22/06/2018 20:43

ive already said i wont make the mistake again. didnt realise it was so bad. but obviously i wont do it again!

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 22/06/2018 20:43

You left things in a basket? That's really cheeky. Sorry OP, you should have put the things back. I think he was annoyed because you just left things in a basket and walked away. I would never do that. You should have put them back.

DiegoMadonna · 22/06/2018 20:43

OP, I'm not saying this to offend you, but you are not the centre of the universe. Nobody in the shop is going to remember you. Stuff like that happens every day and is not a memorable event for them. So there's really no reason why you can't go back.

siwel123 · 22/06/2018 20:44

Going to be honest. You need help.
Saying I don't want help when you can't even go through a manned check out and wouldn't return to a store after being asked to show a receipt is showing anxiety is affecting your daily life.

StaplesCorner · 22/06/2018 20:45

the stuff left at the till is neither here nor there, although not ideal as you say others do it. Maybe that pissed him off and he thought he'd question you, sadly people do steal nappies, and then when you couldn't find the receipt he thought it was payback time. That's my take on it. I would have been upset too and I don't suffer from anxiety (now) I would still have felt very uncomfortable and cross

Maybe he was rude or offhand, maybe just doing his job. I HATE self checkouts, I reckon your anxiety would be less going through the main till. As a PP asks are you having therapy?

MaryPoppinsUmberellaHandle · 22/06/2018 20:46

Op, please could I gently suggest you seek help & support for your anxiety. This will not be good when your dc are old to be able to see how it affects you.

I do think your actions were the reasons you got called. Especially leaving unwanted shopping at the till. However, he didn't handle it very well, and it may be worth a mention to the store.

Give it a few days and hopefully you'll feel better about the situation. Please don't avoid the store as it will set a precedent.

Flowers
MynameisJune · 22/06/2018 20:46

To be harsh, no one else will care or remember you. You’re being over dramatic saying you can’t go back.

And you really need help for your anxiety if you can’t eveb go through a shop checkout. If you can’t do it for yourself then do it for your baby. Growing up with a Mum with MH issues is not going to be any fun for them.

neveradullmoment99 · 22/06/2018 20:49

I have suffered from bad anxiety in my life. I remember not being able to stand in the queue at the post office and having to leave. Its hard. I really do appreciate it Flowers
Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't feel you cant go back there.

Eliza9917 · 22/06/2018 20:50

Why did you do it in two transactions?

lemonsandlimes123 · 22/06/2018 20:52

The self checkouts are not designed to put large loads of shopping through, let alone in multiple transactions. Doing that and then leaving a load of discarded items which would be in the way of the next customer is a rather selfish way to behave. It seems strange that if you have such anxiety that you cannot cope with an interaction with a checkout person that you would behave in a way that is so notable socially inappropriate and therefore likely to provoke a negative interaction with someone.

FatBarry · 22/06/2018 20:56

You shouldn't leave things at the tills, there could be perishables which are spoilt and even if not, it's lazy.

WizardOfToss · 22/06/2018 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WonderTweek · 22/06/2018 20:57

OP, it’s rubbish that that happened but they’re not going to remember you so you can just keep shopping there. The staff have bigger fish to fry (no offence - I mean the actual, repeat shoplifters) and they are not going to be interested in normal shoppers like yourself. Smile

I remember when I was a teenager my friend and I were properly searched in a shop when the alarms went off when we were leaving the shop (my friend had bought a bottle of sun cream from another shop and there was one of those alarm things stuck under the barcode which set the alarms off) and when we went back a few days later and saw the security guards get just looked right through us. They’re just doing their jobs and they don’t care unless you’re actually shoplifting. Grin

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 22/06/2018 20:57

i actually thought i was pretty discrete. no one was looking at all and no queue. it was when he shouted at me that everyone looked. it clearly wasnt obvious i had done 2 transactions since the man never noticed himself. i dont even think its a big deal but i must remember this is MN and everything is a big deal. i just think he could have made it abit more private and not drawn so much attention.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 22/06/2018 20:58

You are doing your DC a huge disservice if you don't try and get treatment for anxiety so bad you feel unable to go through a manned shop checkout. Untreated MH difficulties are a big safeguarding concern. It's not just things like schizophrenia that are the problem, anxiety and depression are also dangers if treated.

KitKat1985 · 22/06/2018 20:59

I can see why you feel embarrassed, but your behaviour would have looked pretty suspicious. I used to work in a supermarket when I was at college and you wouldn't believe how many people would try to steal nappies under buggies or similar, so the guy probably had to check.

pictish · 22/06/2018 21:01

“I dont even think its a big deal but i must remember this is MN and everything is a big deal.“

Said the woman who would rather get a bus journey two ways with her kids than return to a local shop where she was mistakenly suspected of shoplifting.

Yes..it’s us making a big deal.

Enjoy the bus. It’ll be loads more hassle but that’s up to you.

siwel123 · 22/06/2018 21:01

He drew attention as he wanted to know whether you meant to leave shopping. What should he have done, ran after you (looking like he is chasing you) with your basket and asked you? Leaving the tills without a security guard so more people could steal?

ShatnersBassoon · 22/06/2018 21:03

It was the buggering around that made you look like you were up to something. Two transactions for a basketful of stuff and leaving stuff behind is out of the ordinary behaviour, so you piqued his interest.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 22/06/2018 21:06

if i left stuff at the till in a basket not in bags then its obvious i didnt want it surely? cant see what else that means. 2 transactions isnt a big deal imp. erratic? come on. i know people who grab shopping for others whilst out and pay for them seperately. i dont see the big deal of that.

my anxiety is only around people i dont know so no need to worry about my children.

OP posts:
PipLongStockings · 22/06/2018 21:10

I think you're being treated overly harsh here OP :flowers:
I too have anxiety and would have found this embarrassing and upsetting. You could have left items because you only had a small amount of money to pay and had to total it up on the till. Highlighting to all other shoppers is horrid, he should have come had a quiet word.
It wouldn't stop me returning though, perhaps go on a different day/time and hopefully he will not be working!