what happened in the shop..

[Butterflykissess]

i was at the shops earlier and had a basket full of shopping, i went to the self checkout (before anyone suggest i use the tills in future i want to state that i suffer from anxiety and find it difficult so i use the self service.).. anyway as i had quite abit of shopping the whole amount wouldnt fit so i decided it was best to do it in two transactions. after i had finished i decided to leave a few bits behind (left in the basket) anyway as i went to walk off the man shouted "excuse me do you want this stuff!" i said "no sorry im leaving that behind" thinking it was flipping obvious if i was walking away, but whatever.

anyway he then says to me "well what about the pampers" hanging onto my clip on the pram. i said i had already paid for them, he asked for my receipt, meanwhile bare in mind everyone was staring at me! panicked i started to go through the bags looking for it but couldnt find it. he then accused me of trying to steal them! i was so humilated. i asked him to check the cctv. at this point the whole place was starting at me.

anyway as he walked off to check the cctv i found the receipt in my pocket. i went over put the receipt down infront of him and said "there is the receipt." i didnt even hang around i walked straight out but i am so humiliated. safe to say i cant go in there again! aibu to think it could have been done more discreet?

My local doesn't work like that. If you remove something, then it says "assistance needed" until you put it back on or an assistant comes over and approves the the removal.

Same here.

Ok the OP made a mistake. No need to keep beating her up about it. Its hard when you don't have the money and a bit embarrassing. I can understand more why you left the goods. It would continue the embarrassment to put them back. I have seen others who have not had enough money at the checkout and they are just left with the shop assistant. Its a pity you didn't say that in the first place.

Hmm.
I bought chocolate buttons recently for £1 and just popped the £1 coin in the slot and off I went. I didn't want a receipt and knew I wouldn't be getting change. No bag required as stuffed it in my pocket.
Suddenly I heard ' Hey Hey' and the security guard was calling me back thinking I was stealing the sweets but the till had just taken time to process the transaction.
I just said I've put the money in, he realised that the till was just taking time to process the transaction and was apologetic.
People were watching but can't say it's going to make me go there less or what not. I doubt SG would remember me and doubt the same customers would be there the next time I came in.
Nothing for you to worry about really.
But it's nicer to say to the staff, 'Sorry I've decied not to take these' and then they can move them behind the till or get someone to re-stock on the shop floor. Also otherwise it's in the way of the next shopper.

I think the OP realises now that leaving her unwanted items at the till was not the best thing to do, so it would be nice if people could stop taking her to task over it! Have you nothing better to do on a Friday evening?

OP, don't let your anxiety win on this one. Go back to the shop. You will get used to it again.

You’re missing the point, OP. Loads of people don’t have enough money or calculate the amount wrong and are short, however they don’t just walk off leaving several items in a basket at self checkout.
Some harsh comments OP. When suffering with aniexty you do not operate like these people pp has described. You are not thinking rationally and small things that are ok to other people is a big deal to you. Fear and panick grips you. You get angry with yourself because you have made a mistake ( not calculating enough money) then you think that people are staring at you which makes you worse. You can probably feel tears welling up but don’t want to cry in front of everyone. Want to leave the shop quickly, so the last thing on your mind is to go back to different shelves and put things back. Making your situation worse for you.
This is exactly the reason why I do my shopping online so that I don’t have to interact with others. If you don’t suffer with anxiety please take a moment to try and understand where OP is coming from. It can be horribly debilitating. She was brave to go out and get some shopping. I tend to if I have to at a push go out with somebody with me into shops. Don’t beat yourself up.

I understand exactly how you feel, Butterflykisses. I suffered for a decade with anxiety until I finally snapped - after I ended up crying in the toilets at work - and went to the GP. I was terrified. He was lovely. He prescribed me a low dose of citalopram, and it changed my life. Several years on and life is so much easier. I still have bad days, and I'm still more anxious than the average person, but it no longer rules me.

I know there are so many reasons why people don't seek help or want help. But if you ever change your mind, there is help out there.

i didnt have the money ok

I would have thought this fairly obvious, as said , it was my first assumption and I don't get why folks are hung up on it.

But I stand by you're not modelling normalcy to your kids, there will come a point when they are old enough to understand what is happening and either understand it's odd, or mimic it as normal. Neither is good.

And that's why you need to seek help. Going through a manned check out is as normal as it gets, when you can't do that, you're in a very bad way indeed.

Your children are going to pick up on your anxiety.
They are no longer going to be able to go to the local supermaket and will suddenly have to take a bus journey everytime you need to pick up a few items, how are they not going to pick up on that??

When suffering with aniexty you do not operate like these people pp has described.

true, and that's why you need to take steps to help you, for the sake of your children - and your own sake, it would make your life so much easier.

The reason for leaving them does not matter. But leaving items will draw attention - might be forgotten or will get in the way of the next customer, so the shop assistant will notice and will ask. That then led to his comments about the nappies. OP should gave given them to an assistant to avoid the whole thing.

How horrible OP what a dick. I would definitely go back to the store and see a solicitor too, fucking dip shit. You definitely have a case to sue, do not let this go as it will fester, hold you head high, email the stores head office too.

I think you’re the one blowing things out of proportion, OP. Your anxiety sounds quite severe

At a Tesco self checkout, the till only had small plastic bags rather than bags for life; after I paid I asked the attendant for a larger bag. I had all of my shopping in the smaller bags and a dozen box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the side (the box would not fit in a small bag). He politely asked me if I already paid for the doughnuts, I showed him the receipt, he gave me a bag and we both went on with our day. I didn’t feel harrassed or embarrassed because he asked for my receipt. It’s normal with larger, unbagged items - he was just doing his job.

Again the point with leaving stuff at self checkouts is that you shouldn’t just dump it at the till. You give the items to staff. The till needs to be clear for the next customer - it’s inconsiderate for both customers and staff.

It’s like in a clothing changing room, you don’t just leave the items you don’t want in a tangled, unhung mess on the floor in the fitting room.You give it back to the memeber of staff or place it on the fitting room rail.

Not criticising, just curious, but why do you find manned tills so anxiety inducing? You must shop in places where you have to have face to face contact with a shop assistant at some time.
Personally I find self service tills make me anxious, I hate the bloody things.
You really need to get help with this because your children will pick up on your anxiety.

loads of mums put shopping under their prams as not alot fits in a basket when your doing a shop and cant use a trolley. i dont think thats weird at all actually.

I have never, ever seen somebody do that. Putting stuff in a pram is a known and very common shoplifting tactic.

This is really strange OP. You don’t seem to want to interact with people, but you seem to doze through life behaving in quite a provoking way towards other people and without much consideration.

You need to think about how to avoid this and get organised. Use a trolley with a baby seat and leave your buggy in the car or ask the store if they can store it while you shop. Do you have a sling or baby carrier you can use?

I’ve worked in shops before and putting shopping in prams is a massive red flag. If you don’t want to get into situations like this I think you need to be more aware of how you are presenting yourself to people around you. I appreciate a lot of it is driven by anxiety, but you’re really not doing yourself any favours by behaving suspiciously/inconsiderately then complaining when other people respond to that in a perfectly reasonable way.

You definitely have a case to sue

For what exactly? Asking to see her receipt before she left the shop?

How horrible OP what a dick. I would definitely go back to the store and see a solicitor too, fucking dip shit. You definitely have a case to sue, do not let this go as it will fester, hold you head high, email the stores head office too

Well op, I think if you're to take any comfort, it's that some folks are in a much worse position than you mentally. This post proves it. As much as it's awful to not be able to go through a manned check out and to have to force you and any kids with you to go on bus journeys to another shop, at least you're not in such a bad way you'd see a solicitor. 😔

Why are you posting on AIBU if you're so convinced you were being reasonable?

The main feature of the post is you need help as your anxiety is affecting your daily life where you can't communicate with strangers and won't go back to a shop and would rather get on buses to further away shops because a security guard spoke to you and asked to see a receipt.

Hi OP. I have social anxiety that's triggered by tills in shops too. The security guard could have been more discreet but you may still have felt humiliated. It feels like a huge event in your mind but really nobody else who was there will have remembered it after 10 minutes. Try asking yourself what's the worst that can happen if you go back?

I was referred for CBT by my GP and the resources I was given to work through were these and these. That was it really, the person I spoke with didn't contribute much so you could try working through them at your own pace when you feel able to.

I don't think I'll ever be 100% anxiety-free, but things are better now. I can leave the house and use tills, much to the dismay of my bank balance. And if I do feel the panic coming, I have tools for dealing with it.

Please don't let anxiety stop you from doing things you want to do. Take the power back. The anxiety doesn't want to go back to the shop, but I'm sure you don't want to be catching a bus to do your shopping. Go back and show the anxiety that there's nothing to be afraid of.

loads of mums put shopping under their prams as not alot fits in a basket when your doing a shop and cant use a trolley. i dont think thats weird at all actually.

I have never, ever seen somebody do that

I've always done that if I was shopping with the pram, why carrying heavy items around when you have a perfectly good basket? It has never been an issue, and my frends have always done the same. You cannot be shoplifting until you pass the tills.

Ignore @ifonlyforoneday - bonkers OTT advice.

Op, the security guard did nothing wrong. He was doing his job. He probably won’t remember you next week. Don’t let your anxiety win. I suggest you see your GP and get some help for your anxiety.

i dont have a car. never heard of supermarkets storing peoples buggies whilst they shop??

I think if you're to take any comfort, it's that some folks are in a much worse position than you mentally. This post proves it

also to add i normally shop online but have no bank card atm.

I work in a supermarket and have nothing but utter contempt for people who just dump shopping they no longer want Either put it back or let the cashier know you don't want them and ask to leave them. Don't leave shit for others to clear up