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Original poster

I ruined the night

134 replies

MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:06

So last night me and DP went out, had a great time, spending time with old friends and making some new ones.
At 1am we decide to get a kebab, do its me, my DP, my mate and a new guy we met along the way.
We get the kebab and start walking home to mine, passing by the bar we'd spent the night in along the way. DP says in my ear that he's just going to "sort something out" with this new friend we'd acquired, which I know is about getting some weed.
PLEASE NOTE: no issue with weed, I repeat, this is not anout the weed.

OK fair enough.

So me and my mate put our bag of kebab stuff down on the bars outside table and chat while waiting for him. Some annoying drunk guy came to chat shit to us.

After about 20 minutes of this, I'm thinking "WTF is DP doing?"

So i go into the bar, he's not there, toilets he's not there.

So I go back to my mate and I'm like "right come on, lets go". As we head off we see DP coming towards us. Me and DP say goodbye to my mate and start walking home.

I'm basically laying into him, clearly the alcohol taking effect, I'm saying totally irrational stuff like "you've ruined my night", "why the hell did it take you so long?", "what the hell were you doing?" and accusing him of "taking something" and "being weird", basically being a brat.

Anyway it only lasts about 3 minutes, before I'm like "hey I'm sorry about that, it wasnt fair".

I guess the problem is having had a weird and neglectful childhood and teenage years I then went on to go out with some not great guys - including one guy who was particularly traumatic and who used to just leave me stranded in the middle of a night out. Including once leaving me to go and fuck someone else Confused

So as a result, it only happens with alcohol amd DP has said I've made loads of progress and change which i feel good about, but as a result sometimes when I've had one too many drinks its like temporarily I feel like a child again, with the reactions of a child, you know? I feel panicked and abandoned and unimportant and angry for a second. Its like the feeling is beyond my control. Even though as i say ive got much better.

DP said it was lucky i was actually self aware enough to talk about it because otherwise he wouldnt be with me as it isnt fair, it makes him feel like shit when hes done nothing wrong.

Id say this happens maybe once every 2 months.

Can anyone relate?

I feel like shit and really guilty. Im also angry because we had had such a good night and i ruined with 3 minutes. I dont know why im posting. But i feel like a monster when i become like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:07

Wow sorry thats so long

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 22/06/2018 08:08

How old are you?

araiwa · 22/06/2018 08:10

Time to stop drinking

Eminado · 22/06/2018 08:11

Stop drinking? It doesn’t affect you in a good way so stop drinking alcohol / so much alcohol if it makes you like this.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 22/06/2018 08:11

You’ve not ruined the night. You had 3 minutes of a whinge and then checked yourself. Nobody is perfect all of the time.

Original poster
MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:11

@araiwa
Yeah that's what I thought, that maybe its time to totally stop drinking.

OP posts:
SugarIsAmazing · 22/06/2018 08:12

Please tell me you don't have any children?

He shouldn't be doing weed, especially with a guy you've only just met.

You shouldn't be 'laying into him'. If the genders were reversed people would call it abuse.

You both sound like you have a lot of growing up to do.

mzmum78 · 22/06/2018 08:12

Look up "gaslighting".
So he left you on the street late at night and disappeared for 20 mins - long enough to start looking for him . When he appears you're understandably pissed off and have a go at him. He somehow turns it around to be your fault and your "ongoing issue" with drinking so you feel bad and apologize.
The idea that he tells you you're "doing better" at not being a shitty person is actually abuse

MinorRSole · 22/06/2018 08:13

Well if my partner pissed off to buy drugs I wouldn't be happy either. Okay so the drugs don't bother you but he still disappeared when you were meant to be going home so I'm not sure your rant was that unjustified really

LIZS · 22/06/2018 08:13

He left you outside for 20 minutes in middle of night while he got his fix and you are worried about your reaction? Confused Yes maybe alcohol does not react well with you but I'm not sure why you think you should be expected to tolerate his behaviour. There is something not right about your relationship.

OuchLegoHurts · 22/06/2018 08:13

You call am man you've just met on the way to the kebab shop your "mate''? How old are you?

SlowlyShrinking · 22/06/2018 08:15

Where was he though? That’s a reasonable question. Did he answer it?

Original poster
MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:15

@OuchLegoHurts
Eh? I never called him my mate, think you're misreading. I had a mate of mine with me.

I'm 31.

OP posts:
Pandora79 · 22/06/2018 08:15

If this happens when you drink, then you need to stop drinking.

My story is similar to yours. The background is what I am talking about.

You didn't ruin the night, but you can't continue to do this. If I took all my issues out on Dp constantly but did nothing about it, I would expect him to walk away. Eventually.

WingsofNylon · 22/06/2018 08:16

If that's the impact drink has on you, stop drinking. I'm sorry you had some bad experiences and i fully understand what you mean about being transported back to childish reactions but you can do the adult thing by not ending up in such a state.

Also you held it in long enough to say goodbye to your friend so you must have some control. Apologise and learn to say that bring left alone for that amount of time made you feel worried.

OuchLegoHurts · 22/06/2018 08:16

Sorry OP I completely misread that part!

Original poster
MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:17

@SlowlyShrinking
The guy lived "just around the corner" and wanted to give him the weed there but was messing around taking an age because he was drunk.

DP said in his head he was like "Fuck Magical is going to lose it if i dont hurry up" which also made me feel bad. He sent me a message but i didnt have my phone.

OP posts:
BrownTurkey · 22/06/2018 08:17

You have great insight. If it’s a repeated pattern then might be time to drink less, or stop drinking - although this may be a big change to your social life? Talk to your partner about it again.

WingsofNylon · 22/06/2018 08:18

I'd still like to know where he went and why it took him so long. Did he give you an explanation?

Laiste · 22/06/2018 08:19

I'm guessing you're late teens right?

This stage of your life will pass soon enough and soon (hopefully) you'll reach the stage where you won't accept being left in the street while your partner buggers off for drugs with a stranger, or be guilty and apologetic about having self respect.

Original poster
MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:19

Thanks for your replies.

So do you think i should stop drinking completely? I only get like this on nights out. I never ever get "wasted" but its like theres a certain point where I "turn".

OP posts:
Littleredboat · 22/06/2018 08:19

It just all sounds grim and immature.

Honestly, I’d consider a bit more time in therapy and a bit less time traipsing the streets with strangers and drug users. I think you’d be happier long term.

Laiste · 22/06/2018 08:19

X post.

31?

Original poster
MagicalMysteryTourer · 22/06/2018 08:20

@Laiste
No sadly I am in my 30s Confused

OP posts:
Velvetbee · 22/06/2018 08:20

He left you for 20 minutes. Just fucked off?
I’d have been pissed off too.