Annoyed With Tonight’s Dinner

[jamesk0001]

I am very overweight. It’s my fault. I can’t control my appetite and binge eat. I know it’s a problem and I am getting help. I have also been diagnosed with a heart condition and she knows I am not allowed certain foods – specifically mentioned – garlic bread – it’s a killer, curries – takeaway and restaurant amongst others.

I also work 14 to 16 hours a day and my wife has chosen not to work. As I don't get home till about 8pm, we have agreed that as I work, she will cook.

I have asked her to try and cook more healthily, her portion control is very poor (like using a pound of meat for 2 people) and I was brought up to not waste food - to the extent that I wasn’t allowed to leave the table without clearing the plate and being forced by my parents to sit at the table until I finished up or fell asleep and still now find it very difficult to leave an empty plate.

I have been away for a few days with work and got home to spaghetti carbonara made with a nearly a pound of fried bacon, parmesan cheese, fried mushrooms and two baguettes of garlic bread for 2 people!

I have actually accused her of trying to kill me and we had a row – last thing I need after been away for 4 days. I have a £650k life insurance policy so I am wondering now if she really is!

Feeling really low at the mo as she has stormed off to see a friend - so I may as well have stayed away with work.

I don’t expect the OP will be back since he’s been utterly slated and called ridiculous for expecting his spouse who he supports not to work, to support him in battling his life threatening disordered eating.

PP: A small portion of unhealthy food is still unhealthy food - telling him to leave half of it isn’t helpful. And even if it was, it’s not the point: he’s sad and frustrated that his wife is sabotaging his efforts and putting his health at risk. I don’t think that’s unreasonable regardless of the vile and bitchy comments some posters have made.

Couldn’t agree more Veterinari. Some of these comments are appalling

It's the OP's own fault if he's been slated, he dared posting as a man having a problem with his wife. No chance of sympathy or fairness on here ever!

His own fault to work to support his family, how bloody dare he working long hours

Plan menus together when you are home. Do an online shop together and ensure store cupboards are full of tasty but healthy things.

Even if it’s plated you can put half away for lunch the next day. The temptation to eat all of it is there but presumably there is food in the fridge/cupboards that you could eat even if you had a smaller portion.

#cancelthecheque

I think if you are accusing your wife of trying to kill you, there may be more issues than the way she cooks and plates up!

It’s hard to lose weight when the chef isn’t on board...maybe she thought it would be a treat. Maybe try to explain that when you deserve treats then make them non-food treats :)

OP is out of the house for a very long day while his wife doesn’t work and there’s no mention of any children who need looking after BlueLegume, why should he have to meal plan or shop?

Sounds a lot like his wife is interested in him staying unhealthy and knowing she’s not bothered about him or what he needs.

To all you who are being unhelpful to the op remember next time a female post on here about their eating disorder, you can all tell them to just shut up and eat.

Just because the op is male doesn’t mean he needs any less support and understanding.

I also work 14 to 16 hours a day and my wife has chosen not to work.

This reads like you resent her for this (I might if I was working that many hours)

Also apart from the garlic bread could it have been a slimming world friendly meal? I know there is one.

Also agree that 'it was plated up' doesn't really excuse not having a smaller portion. However as someone who is overweight myself could that be a psychological thing? That you don't feel you could put it back once it's on there and your sat down to eat?

Not really, perhaps a stone she has been going to slimming world for a couple of years so fully knows about healthy eating.

Oh wow!!

This really does sound deliberate then!

It is much easier to prepare the same slimming world food for two than it is for one, so she is going out of her way to give you fattening foods.

I know someone who sneaked to slimming world while her DH thought she was somewhere else. She would prepare the same food for them both and he lost weight without knowing why, in spite of eating lunch out every day with no thought to weight loss.

Have you told her you would like SW foods? It could be as simple as that!

Suggesting the op take some responsibility isn’t being unhelpful. He is always going to have access to food. And putting the responsibility on others is just giving himself permission to continue to overeat.

Goodness me, the life insurance thing was obviously a joke!

All the self righteous people here supporting the wife doing the cooking, this person works 14-16 hours a day!

Why not suggest OP works half, wife gets a full time job, then complain at OP for being unreasonable.

Lots of projection going on here I suspect! Don't be rude to someone who is being genuine, not blaming anyone else!

I don't believe for a second that the majority of the people up in arms here are free from any kind of unhealthy eating patterns and behaviours or are a perfect healthy weight with good strength and cardio from exercise. Unless you are in the gym several times a week and eating vegan, taking your supplements and absolutely zero unhealthy food, no sugar, no caffeine, no processed food, zen master, stop shouting at someone else!

I suspect if this was a woman saying her husband cooked meals that weren't as they discussed and bad for her after she worked 14-16 hour days, the reaction would be very different!

Don't listen to the shouting at you OP and keep going.

Some interesting advice about hypnotherapy too.

I've never tried that (she says as she drinks her arch nemesis diet coke in bed), maybe I should:)

To all you who are being unhelpful to the op remember next time a female post on here about their eating disorder, you can all tell them to just shut up and eat

I can't believe the double standards because the OP is a man. If this had been a female posting she would have had so much support and would have probably been told to leave the lazy bugger too.

YANBU OP, I don’t understand why your wife would cook unhealthy food if she’s doing SW. have you turned your nose up previously at healthy eating maybe? it would be interesting to hear her side of it though.

My father has moaned to my mum about serving too much food so she put it all in dishes so he could serve himself. He ate more than ever!

Some people have been really horrible to you on this thread though. Youve admitted a problem with food, you have asked your DW to help you with this and she isn’t.

I agree it’s a mindset thing. Sit down and ask her why she can’t cook SW meals for both of you. Better still, go to SW with her? We had several men at our SW group.

I cannot not eat food if there is a huge box of chocolates in the house or someone makes me dinner - I can't waste it. There are loads of us like that - just read the diet threads on here . And posters don't lay into the women - it's all "support" and "mental health" . For the man who dares to post it's "Take responsibility" "Just don't eat it" (!)

Wife has a great life. No financial repsonsibility, no kids at home, no work, - and there is no way she wants that to change.

If I put a bottle of Scotch or a some heroin or a packet of cigarettes or a a gambling site in front of anyone struggling with addiction it would be pretty clear what was going on. (Would your kids support you to change things one way or another?)

But the difference is you can completely abstain from drugs, alcohol and gambling. You can’t abstain from food - you need to learn to control your intake.

Anyone who tells you to "just not eat it" has clearly never struggled with over eating. It's not that easy. You wouldn't put a bottle of vodka in front of an alcoholic and tell them to "just not drink it". A lot of people on MN don't believe that there is such a thing as an addiction to food and that anyone overweight is just a disgusting lazy pig.

'An obnoxiously decadent meal'

Arf

Buy low fat option ready meals on your way home from work or during your break.

I know it’s a ready meal, but it’d be healthier than what your OH is preparing at home.

This is what I did when I lived alone and dieting. Now I have a family I have to feed everyone (and still diet occasionally).

Take control of your own diet if she’s not helping....she might get the hint that you are serious about it.

All the posters suggesting OP should be shopping and cooking his own food, or paying for healthy deliveries are being completely ridiculous. He has a wife at home who doesn’t work, with no childcare responsibilities. She has all the time in the world to prepare a healthy evening meal for them both. She has the 70 hours a week on her hands when he is out working to support them both.

If breakfast and lunch are balanced the evening meal wouldn't be as much of an issue,