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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed With Tonight’s Dinner

155 replies

jamesk0001 · 21/06/2018 21:01

I am very overweight. It’s my fault. I can’t control my appetite and binge eat. I know it’s a problem and I am getting help. I have also been diagnosed with a heart condition and she knows I am not allowed certain foods – specifically mentioned – garlic bread – it’s a killer, curries – takeaway and restaurant amongst others.

I also work 14 to 16 hours a day and my wife has chosen not to work. As I don't get home till about 8pm, we have agreed that as I work, she will cook.

I have asked her to try and cook more healthily, her portion control is very poor (like using a pound of meat for 2 people) and I was brought up to not waste food - to the extent that I wasn’t allowed to leave the table without clearing the plate and being forced by my parents to sit at the table until I finished up or fell asleep and still now find it very difficult to leave an empty plate.

I have been away for a few days with work and got home to spaghetti carbonara made with a nearly a pound of fried bacon, parmesan cheese, fried mushrooms and two baguettes of garlic bread for 2 people!

I have actually accused her of trying to kill me and we had a row – last thing I need after been away for 4 days. I have a £650k life insurance policy so I am wondering now if she really is!

Feeling really low at the mo as she has stormed off to see a friend - so I may as well have stayed away with work.

OP posts:
massivelyouting · 21/06/2018 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waterlemon · 21/06/2018 21:38

The thing is, if it was as easy as eating less and exercising more, none of us would be overweight!

You need to address what it is that causes you to over eat, then build up some good, healthier habits.

BlondeSea · 21/06/2018 21:39

YANBU.

Is your wife also overweight? It sounds like an almost obnoxiously decadent and gluttonous meal, not something someone would have on an evening after work.

I think she may have an ulterior motive, maybe she doesn't want you to lose weight? Could she be threatened by you losing weight?

Don't give in to emotional blackmail of her storming out- you've been told by doctors you need to eat more healthily, can't she just make a chicken stir fry or something?

Namethecat · 21/06/2018 21:39

Tbh she could cook you the biggest massive meal - but it's you that lifts the fork to your mouth.

hididdlyhoneighborino · 21/06/2018 21:40

Humans are not meant to spend 15 hours a day at work. No wonder you are over eating.

Notevil has hit the nail on the head here. For the sake of your health I'd really try to reconsider the way in which you are working.

Knittedfairies · 21/06/2018 21:40

Using a smaller plate would cut your portion size if you find you can’t leave food. You have to take responsibility!

SingingTunelessly · 21/06/2018 21:41

Did you ask her to cook something healthy? Anyway, you sound like a spoilt child. Just eat what you feel like off the plate as your wife isn’t spoon feeding it to you.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 21/06/2018 21:41

Unless she had a firearm aimed at your head, she isn't forcing you to eat anything.
There are always going to be temptations, it's up to you to learn to manage them. Or cook your own bloody dinner. Better still, do both of these things and stop bleating.

Jamiefraserskilt · 21/06/2018 21:41

But a smaller plate and ask her to use that. Alternatively, ask her to use a cereal bowl for your meals. Nothing like a smaller receptical for portion control!

Clutterbugsmum · 21/06/2018 21:42

Did none of you read the first paragraph, OP know he has issues around food and getting help to over come this and telling him to just eat less is not going to help.

OP I think you need to have another conversation with your wife, explain as much as you enjoy her cooking she needs to follow the advice from the doctors about how to eat better to improve your health, and cooking big meals like tonight containing foods you have been told to avoid makes you wonder why she is not.

Lucked · 21/06/2018 21:42

Agree with the above - you are an adult and don't have to at everything placed on the table like a human garbage disposal. I suspect if you don't eat it she would stop making it. Or sit down together and meal plan before the shopping is done.

You have to take ownership of your health issues.

Sparklingbrook · 21/06/2018 21:42

Plate up your own meals.This all sounds quite sortable TBH.

BlondeSea · 21/06/2018 21:43

@Namethecat if the OP's wife has agreed to cook meals for both of them because the OP has taken on the role of breadwinner, shouldn't she take his health problems into consideration?

She's done Slimming World, she's agreed to cook, her husband has to medically lose weight and wants to eat healthy meals. How is what she is doing OK?

ooodile · 21/06/2018 21:43

You are responsible for yourself. You can't use "I wasn't allowed to leave a plate with food on it" as an excuse. That was as a child and you're now a grown man with a heart problem. Take charge of your own health and life and stop blaming "her".

So, imagine you'd come home this evening to a bowl of lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes and carrots. Would you have been full of joy or fairly pissed off she'd chosen to make you such a light meal when you've been out working?! I doubt being hangry would have done any wonders for your moods either. I have a feeling "she" can't win.

It doesn't sound like you could be diplomatic and encouraging with her, but it might go a long way if you change your approach to getting lighter calorie meals on the table. As an adult you need to figure out how to make this happen.

Anasnake · 21/06/2018 21:43

Did she force feed you too ???

Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2018 21:44

You are being ridiculous, op. YOU are responsible for what you put in your mouth, not your wife. It would be nice if she were more supportive of your dietary needs, but what you eat is COMPLETELY your responsibility. Stop making excuses and do the hard work it takes to lose the weight.

Plantlover · 21/06/2018 21:45

I don't agree. Someone with a weight problem is going to find it very difficult to resist that food especially after working such a long day.

It's not exactly supportive of the wife is it?!

BlondeSea · 21/06/2018 21:46

Personally if I had been at work all day and DHs role was to cook us both a meal and he made something he knew would damage my health, in huge and wasteful proportions, I'd be upset and confused too.

Carbonara is one of the fattiest, calorie dense meals going, even a side plate full of it- which isn't exactly healthy.

HemanOrSheRa · 21/06/2018 21:46

I really do not think your wife is trying to kill you through over feeding Confused. There are easier ways.. ..

iamyourequal · 21/06/2018 21:47

What cruel posts on this thread. The OP has admitted he has serious issues with food and as he is working all the hours of the day it’s reasonable to expect his wife to do her bit in preparing meals, which in this case need to be healthy for the sake of his health. My goodness if he was an alcoholic and coming home to find she had prepared him a big jug of punch would that be ok?
OP I think you need to really talk to your wife and suggest she cooks from a healthy cook book for you both. You must reduce your working hours too. Take care.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2018 21:47

If you're very overweight it's down to more than just your evening meals. And you can't take some off your plate before you start.

Seriously, stop being ridiculous and take some responsibility, your wife is sitting down to the same meal and she's not significantly overweight.

starzig · 21/06/2018 21:48

I work long hours too but also do the cooking. I find it helps if I prep tomorrow night's while tonight's is in the oven or on the hob. Also I tend to cook low fat meals but huge portions (Don't eat in the day though) and this is OK if you are careful on other meals. Could you buy a SW or WE cookbooks and make suggestions.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 21:48

You choose to work a 16 hour day. You choose to have such an imbalance in your life that you are incapable of choosing your own food, you choose to devour the big portions given to you.

You sound misogynistic and more than a little pathetic TBH.

Please ignore the crap above, some posters have issues in their own life....

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/06/2018 21:48

Even if the OP plates up his own meals, this doesn't address the issue of what his wife is making. A smaller plate of carbonara is still high in calories.

wildgirls · 21/06/2018 21:48

Wow!! You’re a mean bunch!
It doesn’t doesn’t sound like your wife is being at all supportive. It must be really hard to resist when it’s there in front of you and I get why you’re upset!
I reckon just have a frank conversation about what you can and can’t eat and ask her to help you as much as possible. If she’s doing slimming world surely she’d appreciate the support too!