Men don't leave their family for no reason?

[Havethewishiwishtonight]

AIBU to think that a man wouldn't leave his marriage, children, home and comfortable lifestyle for no good reason? There would have to be some major problem, ow, etc before 99% of men would do this?

From what I've seen, "something wrong at home" tends to mean "I did not realise I would actually be expected to share the load of parenting, housework and mental load equally, and I resent that expectation. Also my wife is no longer the youthful sex goddess that she once was, and since she nags me to pull my weight, I feel justified in looking for a new partner who better fits my priorities."

I can think of two men who left without having another woman 'lined up'. One was the husband of a good friend who announced after less than a year of marriage that he didn't want to be married any more and just left (both in their mid-late 20s, with no children).

The other was my father, who divorced my mother after nearly 20 years of marriage. I was in my teens at the time and was glad there was no other woman involved. My mother took a different view. She told me years later that she would have found it much easier to understand and accept if he had left her for another woman. As it was, it felt like more of a personal rejection that he would rather live with no one than with her. This was back in the 70s when divorce was much less common.

I also know of a woman who left her husband and 3 young children (all under 10) and went off with the milkman never to see them again. That was in the late 60s, and I imagine even more rare then than it would be now.

I do think on the whole that men are less happy living on their own than women are (or perhaps less capable of living on their own). I can think of two men of my parents' generation who had very happy marriages but re-married within a few months of their wives dying (one in her 50s and one in her 60s). My dad was probably an exception. Happy on his own and a very competent cook.

Here's another one whose exDP separated because he wasn't happy & needed some time alone....fast forward 10 months later and he has a new baby with his 18 years younger girlfriend (always had my suspicions about their relationship but apparently I was mad at the time we split & they were only friends before ) & our DS who was 5 when we split up has had his whole life turned upside down

I agree. My friend's DH left her all of a sudden and swore there was nobody else.

two months later a "new partner" is rolled out to the family.

He obviously met her whilst still with my friend but chose to keep her secret. He was on POF looking actively for another woman.

As it was, it felt like more of a personal rejection that he would rather live with no one than with her.. I can totally see your mum’s point there

That’s one of the reasons I wish men would be upfront about it though. They think they’re doing the right thing by not admitting to an affair, but actually all they’re doing is saying “it’s not me that’s the unfaithful dog, it’s you that’s just not a good enough wife”. One of the women I know drove herself mad pleading for him to change his mind as she had no idea what had gone so wrong, literally clinging to him when he tried to leave. He then did go back “to give it another shot” (bet the mistress was thrilled with that!) and left again. Only to shack up within a couple of months with the first woman he dated afterwards - strange hey?

@shamelesslyplacemarking

From what I've seen, "something wrong at home" tends to mean "I did not realise I would actually be expected to share the load of parenting, housework and mental load equally, and I resent that expectation. Also my wife is no longer the youthful sex goddess that she once was, and since she nags me to pull my weight, I feel justified in looking for a new partner who better fits my priorities."

100% this! ^ I have to say it made me laugh too!

And it's so true for some men! Basically, some men think that their responsibility is going out to work and bringing in a salary, and their wife's responsibility is absolutely everything else.

It's such a typical fucking scenario. Man meets woman, dates woman, has great sex with her, gets a place to live with her, gets engaged then married, then has a child or two with her. Then she gets a little stressed and frazzled as she is doing everything (all the childcare and housework and often working part time as well,) and she struggles to lose her baby weight and feels like shit and doesn't always look her best.

Then she has a go at him for not pulling his weight, so he feels entitled to a less 'naggy' woman who is slimmer and fitter and more of a free spirit, with no ties and no grumpy moods, who will give him a good shag as his wife doesn't feel much like it very often these days, and then he gets bored with wifey and leaves for said mistress.

Then a few years later he ditches her and finds someone else. Rinse and repeat.

Some men don't like it when their wife (who they fucked over) finds another man either.

I have known a woman recently, whose husband left her and their 3 kids (aged 5 to 10 at the time,) and just moved in with another woman who he'd been seeing for a year. He gave up his job and started to basically be kept by this woman (who didn't mind because she was so chuffed to have 'WON' him!) He gave up his job so he wouldn't have to provide for the 3 kids.

The woman I know almost had a nervous breakdown, she lost her home, she had to go full time at work and get her mom and sister to look after the kids while she was there. She struggled for more than a year, went from one temporary accommodation to another (every few months,) before finally being given a 3 bed flat in a rough area of the west midlands, and had to depend on handouts from kind friends and relatives for food.

Then 18 months after he left, she found a new man, and long story short, six months later, he moved in with her and the kids, and her life completely turned around. She was happy again, she had a man who cared for her and loved her, and he took her (and the 3 kids) to New York for her 35th birthday.

Shortly after they went, the ex popped up out of the woodwork, saying he wants custody of the kids (even though he had seen them just five times in 2 years,) and reported her new man to the police, saying he was a pedophile and he doesn't want his kids near him.

He also sent messages to this man's place of work calling him a pedophile, and a thief, and a pervert, and tried to cause all kinds of bother.

Upshot is, that he was INCENSED that his ex wife found another man, and a good one too, and it turns out things weren't so great with his new woman, and she had thrown him out and he was living with his mother PMSL.

Nasty, selfish, spiteful, entitled bastard is what he is. He left his wife in the shit, and turned his back on his kids, to be with some 'bit of the side,' and then when his wife got herself together and found another man, he couldn't stand it, and did everything he could to ruin things for them.

She has moved away now (with him and the kids) and her ex has no idea where they have gone. He obviously didn't get custody of the kids as he was laughed out of the office of the solicitor he went to.

We don't know where she is either. Only her mother and sister know. She and the kids, and her new man moved to get away from her ex. He is incensed that he can't get to her now, and has no idea how to find where they are.

I also know several other cases like this, where the man has fucked off with another woman because he is bored with the wife, then he has been furious when she finds someone else. Fucking selfish, entitled idiots!

Finally, all these cases some posters have come up with about 'I know this man who left with no-one to go to, and they found someone quite quickly...' I don't believe it. I reckon he had that woman all along, LONG before he left his wife.

I totally disagree with previous posters that said men don't leave without someone to go to.

My ex did. A lot of men simply can't cope with the fact that they aren't the centre of attention after kids come along. Pathetic really.

In all the divorces I've known there's only been 2 other women and the rest were child problem related.

My ex left me and our DD, who was only 22 months at the time, because of my depression and some ex he had from some 20 years previous.

Does that count as a good enough reason?