Men don't leave their family for no reason?

[Havethewishiwishtonight]

AIBU to think that a man wouldn't leave his marriage, children, home and comfortable lifestyle for no good reason? There would have to be some major problem, ow, etc before 99% of men would do this?

my brother left my SIL and 2 year old because he just didn't want the responsibility of a mortgage, wife and child anymore. Preferred to be a single arsehole

i have left several men without another to go to. None of my exes have left without having a plan b one who said he wasn't sure..and then years later I found out he married the cleaner, Svetlana. Of course they don't admit it. We all lie so well, best to ourselves. Trust no one. The marriages of bliss of your mates that seem so perfect, not even those.....

AIBU to think that most people who leave their children are men? Why are they less connected to their family than women are?

Pretty much. Men, more so (I believe) than women “line up the next partner” before making the move.

Some men are bastards, some women are bastards, none which is a "good" reason to destroy other peoples lives.

Same experience as @TooTrueToBeGood . Children born -> Mrs A becomes too busy -> this young exciting colleague Miss B joins -> THATS IT I AM STARTING MY LIFE AGAIN I ONLY LIVE ONCE -> Mrs B is pregnant -> Mrs B becomes too busy -> rinse, repeat.

Mine left without an OW. I think he thought I’d beg him to come back but I didn’t.
He’s spun it that I broke the family up, by not fighting to keep the family together.

There’s always a reason.

I know several men who've left because they were unhappy - unhappy with wife's infidelity, unhappy with sexless marriage, unhappy because wife was a total controlling bitch (I knew her, she really was). I think men are, on average, happier to stick it out in an emotionally disconnected marriage than women though - and are less likely to need to leave because of abuse.

@craxmum you're dead right. Its sad but true.

I agreee i've never known a man to leave unless he has someone else lined up.

Mine left without an OW lined up - we'd just come to the end of the road and an unexpected DD was the final straw - he wasn't my husband though, we'd never lived together in the several years we were together. He/we just couldn't hack each other any more.

I myself have left relationships, my firstborn being they key one, we shared a house, had our son - but I was desperately miserable and unhappy. So I left. It was the hardest thing I had ever done.

I felt very disappointed in my brother who did the whole - date for years, move in, propose marriage, plan children...have 2, including several miscarriages, then left for a piece of skirt 15 years younger who he worked with. He pretty much destroyed my faith in men.

upstartcrow i wonder this too. Even in cases where both parents work full time, so presumably both spend the same amount of time with the kids, the mother seems to be massively more likely to be left holding the baby after the father disappears.

And the amount of men who completely lose touch with their kids within a few years of leaving! It’s bonkers. How can they do it? Of course, occasionally women do this too (a PP mentioned such a case) but it’s considered an oddity. Whereas it’s pretty normalised for people to have no or limited contact with their fathers.

I believe men are every bit as capable of loving their children deeply, but many never seem to bother building that bond...

" unhappy because wife was a total controlling bitch"

Yep.

I know two men who left these and are far happier now either single or remarried.

Ex wives still can't work out WHY they left.

Have there is always a reason someone leaves. And whatever that reason is, it's a 'good' reason to them. And if the other party doesn't want to split then no reason is going to be good enough. And that goes for you as well as for him.

If you aren't happy (and you aren't) then your reason is good enough for you. If he isn't happy (and it sounds like he isn't) then his reason is good enough for him.

And just because one party doesn't think the other party has a 'good enough' reason to leave, that doesn't stop the other party from leaving. Nor should it in most cases. The best thing the 'other party' can do is pick up the pieces and move forward.

Often the reason is an OW but IME some men just can't hack the responsibility of family life and nope out of it, because they are weak and cowardly.

This

If you think shagging another woman whilst wife is heavily pregnant is a good reason the yanbu

Happy people generally don't risk what they have.

If your partner is shagging someone else generally there is something wrong at home.

That is often very unpalatable but true.

A women I know left 3 husbands (the last one twice) and each time she left because she had another man in the wings. So the last husband got left for 2 different men.

I know several men who've left because they were unhappy - unhappy with wife's infidelity, unhappy with sexless marriage, unhappy because wife was a total controlling bitch

Right, so you know several men who have told you the reason they left was all their wife’s fault. How original....

Why can't people accept that people fall out of love and would rather leave then stay in a marriage which makes them unhappy. It always makes me laugh when people say oh they had someone waiting that why they left ... no they left as they were miserable.

I don't understand why a person who choices to leave is seen as a villain and the person who didn't want it to end as the victim.

One of my Son-In-Laws left because he's a lazy bastard who wants to smoke weed and play video games. He's too lazy to have another Woman lined up.

I've known a lot of Men who've left without someone to go to, most have addiction problems, even legal one's, such as drinking.

I think it's about 80% of marriages break up after a Child's death, or child's severe disability. It's a it less for a child's, less severe disability.

I think the difference in leaving for another Woman, is whether they've got a Mother/Sister who'll put them up and tell them that's it's not their fault.

I agree that they just can't hack being an Adult.

I think it's partly because they've always been allowed to, by society and there isn't the condemnation about Fathers who desert their children, than there is towards Mother's who merely don't have full residency.

If your partner is shagging someone else generally there is something wrong at home

Sure, but often what such men consider “something wrong” is something like: wife prioritises new baby over him; wife has a pregnancy stomach and is no longer the sexy waif he signed up for; wife turned 50... and so on...

moodance, because more often than not, Men leave without proper arrangements about still being a significant part of their children's life, or organising financial arrangements.

They sometimes have secret lives going on when there has been no need to. Unlike Women, were it's out of fear, or real risk.

Question ... if wife has pregnancy belly and just becomes fat ... and the man doesn't want to sleep with her .... is that the man fault? Should the man wear beer googles to sleep with his wife?

Question if the man feels unloved because of a new child is that the man fault?

Sure, but often what such men consider “something wrong” is something like: wife prioritises new baby over him; wife has a pregnancy stomach and is no longer the sexy waif he signed up for; wife turned 50... and so on...

Then he was never the man his wife believed him to be. I suspect signs of his fickleness would have always been there

Sure if a man decides to leave and there are children ... and he requests 50/50 care and mets the expectations of child support ... would that be okay?